She walked like a mellow nazzi. Scissor legs stretching miles at a time, never bent, and always straight, casket scarecrow heels. She wears a coat and always does. Corset waist and shadowtailed, rotary shoulders with everymotion. A regular 1920's b-i-tch. She doesn't look like prey, but appearances are deceiving. You asked me for this, you need me for this, and you're coming closer. 1
Four AM; the afternoon of night.2
Watch how she strides this alley, this calloused canvas of vanilla smoke, and she's coming closer. You want this attention, you beg for it. You begged for it when you dyed a blue streak in your bangs, and twirled the strands around your finger with your midnight mocha, and I'm with you. Your dying for my love. You died for it when you scratched the back of your neck on the bus. Those delicate fingers caressing your warm neck, tickled by the threads of seductive black hair. Did you know you touched the mole above your shoulders? Not deformed mole; like sexy mole. 3
You knew I was with you, and you're coming closer. I can hear the dimes you glue on your shoes. You love the attention. You're repulsive shadow is growing closer, and I can see you coming to me, come for me. No one breathes the sewer steam, but you always do. They turn their heads, hold their breath. Don't turn away. Inhale the pain. 4
And now I waste in my cavern. I wait for you. I am your urban trapspider, patient in my hole. The cast iron crevass of your demise, you need my love. I live because of you. Dirt like veins crawl down our brick alley, harsh, and stale, and real. I can already feel you on my fingers. That cold inside my chest is you. And you're coming closer. That blue crest on the arm of your coat. You want the attention "Love me, love me" you nazzi brat. I did. 5
You're coming for me, and I can feel my feet, and I see you, I'm with you. Your feet are stepping closer, you knew I was here, you wanted me to be here, and I'm calm.6
Squirm.7
Now I'm around you. 8
Now you're inside me, and your arms are pinned. My hand is at your neck, my hand is at your waist. And now you're thrust into me. My eyes are closed, and so are yours. 9
Fight me.10
I smell your skin, I feel your neck. 11
Expand, collapse, expand. 12
Fight for breath. Inhale the pain. 13
My chest feels your coat, feels your shirt, feels your naked back. Breathe, dear fly. 14
Fight for it.15
Swallow the waterfall, breathe in the cellophane. Thick air of your lunges. You need this. Engulf that feel. You wanted this.16
Keep fighting. 17
Squirm inside of me. Don't leave me. I hate you. Don't leave me. I love you. I need you, and 18
you did this to me. 19
Author notes
Just a first draft, so I may touch up later. Tell me what you think.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I like it. I love stories that try to get inside the reader's head. Done properly, they're brilliant. Thanks for entering the brilliant story and good luck in the contest
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wow...interesting...I like the whole metaphor thing that you have going on! That's awesome! I'd love to be able to do that, but I'm afraid I'm not that good at that kind of writing...
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One of the most excellent pieces of writing I
This is by far one of the most erotic pieces of writings I ever read it is so tight I cannot breathe between the words submit this to magazines climb the trees with your desire you actually aroused me I cannot speak my breathe is short tears are in my heart unborn you have inspired me you have left me cold on the street corner I want more
I think you will like this, kindred spirit:
Panther On A Full Moon
www.angelfire.com/ma/hinahinahina/TooMuchCandy.html#Panther%20On%20A%20F ull
Anon. -
everymotion = every motion? lunges = lungs? I loved all the detail and your descriptive language is impressive! There are some very intricate details that I didn't get first time and had to re-read but still it's a good technique, rewards your intelligence as a story writer and the reader making them say "Oh" and then make a silly face that gets transferred around the globe. I really did love this piece and apart from those spelling mistakes (maybe you intended it to be like that) then it's excellant.
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Mellow Nazi? Cause they're known for their mellow nature and thoughtful consideration of all issues I suppose.
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Very Good
good write brudda this shows you got a skill here your metephore's are proof of that b/c they tell the story well. i look forward to reading more and see working out your story this way helps it grow...anyways good work Mr. Magoo
Mr.Smee -
Good job so far, can't wait to read the rest... im looking forward to reading the rest. I envy people who can write stories, i never picked that up. well keep up the good work, hope the rest is just as good.
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Very interesting story!@
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