The Unfortunate Peril of Thomas Wellington

Thomas Wellington looked around the calm water and realized he had a serious problem. He had absoloutly no idea where he was. He remembered having his evening cup of tea while reading the local newpaper. He remembered getting into his plaid pajamas, tucking in his 9 year old daughter, and then snuggling up to his wife in bed, at 7:56 at night. Early to bed, early to rise.1

But, now, he was on a beach. Thomas was very confused. He looked around, felt the fine white sand sift through his fingers, sticking to the creases of his palms. He stood up, brushing the sand of his pajamas- wait, he wasn't in his pajamas. No, Thomas was dressed in a tuxedo.2

A woman in a fine dress of the silk sort was sitting nearby, holding a pair of black stilettos in her hand. Thomas looked at her.3

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" The woman asked.4

"Ahh.. um..' Thomas didn't know what to say. He decided to play it cool. "Um, yes, I'm just going to head on over to the restroom."5

"Okay sweetie, but hurry, it's almost 7:56. You don't want to miss it, do you now?"6

Thomas mumbled something in response, and dsahed over to the nearest public restroom. He wondered what would happen at 7:56. Thomas wondered who the woman was, what he was doing at a beach, and what he was doing in a tuxedo.7

Unforunatly, Thomas would never find any answers to these questions. A woman who was very late for something was speeding along a nearby street, mumbling "7:56, it's almost 7:56" to herself. As she got more and more worked up, she began to increase her speed. Soon she was past the speed limit by far. The woman soon saw a familiar man crossing the street, looking very confused.8

The woman slammed on the brakes, trying avoid hitt the man, but she was too late. She glanced at her watch.9

7:57. Damn.

Author notes

It's supposed to be confusing, yuo get to fill in the blanks with whatever you please.

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Myra La-Ryn
    July 14
    Edit | Reply
    Umm... this is interesting. A sort of dream I'm assuming. Quite unique though.

    The one problem is it's under the required word count. If you can lengthen it, that's great, but unfortunately I can't put you in contention to be a finalist unless it meets the requirements. Sorry.

    But thanks for entering

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • ElfSong
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    Yes... confusing indeed. But I think you can fill in some more blanks for me ^^ Don't make your readers work so hard. Anyway, this was interesting, and you have quite a good idea here, but it was just too confusing for me. Thanks for entering!


  • Tricia3 gold member
    March 14
    Edit | Reply
    If you're going for confusion, you got it. I have so many questions. But I guess I will have to supply my own answers. A very good write, and I will fill the blancks in with something.
    Good Job!

  • Tricia3 gold member
    March 4

    Edit | Reply

    Okay, it's strange

    so where is my ice cream? I want to eat it while you explain this story to me.
    You left a lot of blanks to fill in. It really was an interesting read.
    I enjoyed it.
    Trish


  • imagist
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    Obviously 7:56 is important; but I have no idea why. It was confusing, a bit jumpy- but interesting. You captured emotions, and I didnt see any mistakes. I would add a little more to this and maybe answer a few questions. But it was interestingly weird.


  • Gary Alexander silver member
    March 3

    Edit | Reply

    TAKE MORE CARE...DON'T BE CAVALIER!

    You know, despite all the careless errors in this, you really have something here...although it is not tied together, and apparently very confused. Don't be so quick to write this off. You've really got the germs(seeds) of a nifty science fiction or "twilight zone" type piece here.
    If I were you, I would tighten the dialogue, get rid of all the colloquial sloppiness and place yourself more seriously in your characters.Give this some CREDIBILITY! Don't be so quick to "kiss" everything off.TAKE IT MORE SERIOUSLY! Don't rush this. Know what it is you want to say...know how this is going to turn out...and carefully move to that point! Give the characters some meat...some conflict. Keep the voice and point of view steady and consistent. LISTEN to the piece as you read it ALOUD to yourself. Keep the voice steady!
    Try to hear a "tone"...a kind of background "music"...and keep enverything consistent with that "feel!"
    Good luck!


  • VampireFriends
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    This was... strange. I'm sorry, I just didn't really get it. Is this a dream? You should really extend it more, give some explanations. It was well written, but you need more in it, need to make it longer.


  • Mag the Chodja gold member
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    Well, this was certainly interesting. I'm guessing it's -supposed- to be confusing and mentally jarring? xD
    I enjoyed the woman's response at the end to the time - at least I think it's her response.

    p2 - "sand [off] his pajamas"
    That's it for errors that I can remember.

    The speeding paragraph is a bit confusing - who was the driver? What was she late for? Was this all just a forecast of Thomas' death? Confused! Dx

    Oh! And shorten the title. That's too much of an eye-full.
    Perhaps "Thomas Wellington" would suffice?

    [Entered: Sycophancy of an Immortal ]


  • Valkyrie silver member
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    DUDE!! This was hilarious, and I'm still not sure what happened! I'm gonna go with, it was all a dream! Yes? No? Ah, either way, it was fun to read.

    p1 absolutely

    p2 creases in palms, ooh, nice
    Thomas s/b capitalized

    p4 the s/b lower-case

    p7 dashed

    p8 Unfortunately
    comma after the other 7:56 as well
    "for something" is pretty vague; I'm sure you can add something in with detail, as you have so many other details in this story.
    "Soon she was driving far over the speed limit."
    Whoa! Wait...he's familiar? It's the same woman? What? Whoa. My brain just exploded! Aaaaaahhh! *runs around in circles of awesomeness*

    p9 to stop, [so] as [not to] hit the man
    Does she pull over first, or look at her watch as she speeds away with a giant dent in her fender?

    Great story, really great!

    My story was Anasazi: Last Lament.


  • His.Golden.Eyes
    February 17
    Edit | Reply
    okay....

  • cooliobean13
    February 3
    Edit | Reply
    It's supposed to be confusing, you figure out the reason all this happend.

  • dancindream
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    this sis intersting! i dont really get it tho...was the woman tlaking to him telling him that 7:56 was the time he would die?
    thats what i got form it?
    lol anywyas...this was wrtten well!

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