Was it Love?

How was he suppose to go on, pretending the feelings weren't real. Did he love her? He just wasn't sure. Her smile made his heart ache, her laugh was music to his ears. Was that love, or just a human respone to what he was seeing and hearing? He wasn't sure. She had been gone a week now. The silence was deafening. He never planned for this to hurt so much. He thought once she was out of his life, he could go on. Meet someone new, perhaps someone more his type. Someone his friends would approve of maybe. Trying to come up with all the reasons he didn't love her, only seemed to depress him more. Love is sneaky, it creeps in when you least expect it, wraps around your heart, pierces the soul. The mind and the heart beat out of sync with each other. The mind see's the the features, hears the words, measures the actions. The heart feels the emotion, see's the inner beauty, and never weighs the intentions. 1

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He had never been spoiled before her. Seeing her doing everyday things for him at times made him uneasy. He was not the type to use anyone, he knew this. Did she feel she had too or was she doing it for some other reason? He wasn't sure. She told him she loved him and that she wanted to. To her, that explained her actions perfectly. The way women think, so different than a man he thought. They go with their feelings and that is suppose to explain all their actions. He just didn't understand.4


The moving in with him came from sheer necessity. He needed a roommate, she a chance to get back on her feet. Now here he sat, alone, wondering where it all went wrong. Her things still occupied his house. A painful reminder of how happy they had been. He couldn't bear the thought of the empty spaces they would leave when she took them away. She told him he needed to find himself, find the one he loved, make a choice. How could she love him and also let him go? The question burned in his mind. They had shared so much. Loved to watch the same things on television, liked the same kind of movies. She even loved sports. What were the chances of that? She could fix things, talk about cars and motors and not give him the usual blank look so many had given him in the past. Again he wondered, is this love? 5

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Dating when you are young is easy, no children, no past pains to mar the moment. Hope for the future, a life spent with another is all there for the taking. As time moves on the picture changes. We become older, wiser, but also protective of our heart. The hopes for our future have changed from children, marriage and building a home to who will be there when I am alone and hurting? Who will hold my hand when life becomes to much? That is the person his heart was looking for, his mind was looking for something else. Was it love? he wondered. His heart hurt, his mind was filled with thoughts of her. Songs reminded him of her, she filled his head and yet he just didn't know. How do you ever really know? Women were everywhere he looked, all sizes, shapes and personalities. None of them replaced her, none pushed her to the back of his mind making him miss her less. None touched him the way she did. Her touch made his skin tingle, and his heart lurch. Was it love? Holding his head in his hands, silently he cried. He just didn't know. 8