Abyss

im falling back into the abyss again
i can feel it in my body
im going back to a place that i tried so hard to free myself from
its a place where there is extreme pressure
too much
so much that it feels like you are being pushed together and everything is going to break in your body
while at the same time you feel like you are falling apart
you loose yourself bit by bit
peace by piece
and while all the air is pressing you in you still cant breathe
sitting her my lungs collapse and gasp for air
i just keep falling back into the abyss again
where no matter what happens i cannot seem to care or even care that i dont care
nothing means anything anymore
no one nothing nowhere
there is a pole with endless spikes being shoved into my head and all the while depleating me of brain functions
and i dont care
things seem to happen effortlessly around here
and it makes sense
if you put not effort into anything something still has to happen
like living
ive given up on living day to day
and yet here i am
still alive
i try to force it away
chip it away and beat it down bit by bit
drain it and leave it on my bathroom floor
but it keeps following me
its a bastard
its screwing with my head
telling me things that are not real
things that cant happen
my bodys fighting me too
getting me sick almost to the point of dying, but holding on at every last second
its a bitch
my body is a bitch to my bastard life
they tease me
make me feel good
so that i know what i am missing when it all tries to kill me
im falling back into the abyss again
here it is dark and cold
everything is dead
but they are living
the living dead that dont eat
sleep
drink
or feel
nothing human
that would be too alive
no they are crows, black and heartless
there is a hole where their heart used to be
i can see right into his body as the blood pools and leaves trails
they peck at the dry deserted ground trying to suck out the substance so that others cannot live
they feed off of energy and hope and leave blood trials outlining in despair .
i try
to run away
but my feet slip and fall
the ground is covered in dead flys
and when i fall they stick to me
sucking me sown into a dark abyss
there is warm red light
though not the good warm
the heat and furry of hell
its heats me
and burns me
burns out all the oxygen
replacing it with fire
lungs dry up
and i cough then out
they fall off the cliff i stand on
and are pearced by the rocks below
crows with holes in their hearts
peck violently at them
they see they like the tastes
and come after the rest of me
nipping at my heals
ripping out my heart
gouging at my eyes
and i dont stop them
i dont fight them
i deserve this
they feast on my flesh
and toast with my blood
i deserve this dark abyss
so finally i can die
living is not worth this dying effect
and this dying effect is not worth breathing
and breathing's not worth seeing
and seeings not worth hearing
hearing is not worth being
just being
thats what i am
just being
its no fun jsut being
no fun
if i could leave here though
i wouldnt
sitting here forever dying
forever lying
forever bleeding
forever being
forever hating
forever waiting
cause it has become me
made me who i am
fought for me
and attached to me
i am nothing without the pain