A fairy tale

Once upon a time:1

There lived a young princess in a great castle. She lived a luxurious life, and had all the riches anyone could ever ask for. Ever since the day she had been born, the princess was coveted and loved by everyone around her. However, when she turned 13, her parents (The king and queen) decided that she had to be locked up in a tower. And so, this princess soon found herself alone in a cold, stone tower. 2

This tower was very tall and could be found in the middle of an evil, wretched, forest. The wood was filled with grimlins and strange, horrid creatures. At night, she would lie down on her smelly old cot, and listen to the dreadful sounds of these disgusting creatures. Here the princess waited for two years.3

One dreary, lonely day, the princess gazed out through the bars of the window. She saw a flash of silver! Her knight! Her prince charming! She nearly fainted at the excitement of it! He rode up to the tower on his mighty steed, and called to her:4

“My dear princess, what is it you want most in this world?”5

And this princess called back: “For someone to love me for me, not for my riches.”6

Prince Charming rode off into the sunset. Without her.7

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 29 of 29

  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    August 4
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    hahaha The Princess defs got pwned!!!


  • vamplover22907
    June 7
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    Majorly pwned.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Myryca
    May 24
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    That started off really well and sounded really promising but it was too short for this contest and I thought the ending was rather abrupt. I feel like you could flesh it out a bit more.

    Apart from that, it was written really well and in the kind of style I was wanting so well done with that. Unfortunately, I was wanting something with more of a storyline to it but thanks for entering!


  • CantYouHearTheDrums
    May 24
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    Lovely! I laughed


  • LilMsHyper17
    May 23
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    well, i would have preferred a happier ending, but eh i really liked this one too!


  • haruhi suzumiya
    May 22
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    hehe. yeah keep riding you knight!


  • Melissa HoneyBee
    May 19
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    Lol i love it, the delivery perfect, and believe me a hard thing to do when writing. I think you need to extend it and set the reader up for it though, that line came out of nowhere and i think it would of been more funnier if i had longer to take in the story, it just sort of stumped me. Awesome, good work, this could be a real winner. work on it
    Again, awesome.

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Violette silver member
    May 17

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    what?

    omg that's hilarious, you're in my finalists! haha oh god that was great! Nice work, just try changing or removing the word tower here and there, you use it too much.


  • thepulse100
    May 17
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    owned. Thats all I can say.

  • daftweejimmy gold member
    May 16
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    Para 2 Please tell me how a forest can be wretched and evil. So far as I am aware, forests are composed of trees, which seldom, if ever, display human characteristics.

    I like the twist at the end; very gnomic. Possibly a trifle sardonic and cynical for someone of your tender years; it makes the previous anthropomorphism almost forgiveable

    • cooliobean13
      May 22
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      Do you feel smart when you use big words like that?

      • daftweejimmy gold member
        May 23
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        Here's a big word for you; dictionary. Use that, and maybe my words, which are part of my everyday lexicography, won't make me seem smart or you feel ignorant.

        • cooliobean13
          May 31
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          I heard Malcomx copied all the words out of the dictionary to make him smarter. Did you, by any chance, do that too?

          • daftweejimmy gold member
            June 1
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            No, as a matter of fact I found it easier to read the dictionary definitions and cross-reference the words I didn't understand with the context in which they were used, thus broadening the scope of my understanding. It's called learning by association and application, and it's been around since Adam was a boy. I see from your home page that you are 14, and I'm impressed that you know about Malcolm X, though not how to spell his name.

            If it is your intention to be flippant, sarcastic or ironic, it would be worth your while to understand how flippancy, sarcasm and irony work, and the genuine differences that separate them. I am not convinced that you will be the writer you should be, given your talent, unless you learn from those willing to teach. A good start would be to learn a little humility, in other words to acknowledge the depth of your ignorance about word usage; that way you will realise the scope for improvement; I am genuinely willing to help.

            • cooliobean13
              June 2
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              I honestly think you do it so you can feel smart. Do you feel smart? You never really answered that.

              • daftweejimmy gold member
                June 3
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                OK, without wishing to seem nasty, feeling smart is a very worthless ambition. I'm 57, and have been educated; my education was in Scotland, where we use a fairly extended vocabulary, since we're a very argumentative people among ourselves. To answer your question directly, I don't feel smart, because I associate with people who use language in the same way I do. I don't make comparisons of smart or not smart, clever or stupid, and I don't try to look smart or clever in anyone's eyes. I simply use language as a tool, but enjoy its diversity and beauty as a result of having used it for so long. Language becomes like a favourite pair of shoes; you feel comfortable in them, but are always willing to try new styles and fashions, though I almost always find classical English the most comprehensive means of communication.

                Does this answer your question?

                • cooliobean13
                  June 3
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                  This website is mostly populated with scumbag teenagers who read twilight and then add thier worhtless attmpts at story to this sight, naming thier characters "edward" and "alice" and putting them in situations VERY similar to the book. I usually don't go on this site anymore for that reason. Your quite a rare find, someone of your age and sanity being on here.

                  I'm sorry for being "cynical", "sarcastic", "ignorant", and "flippant". You still kinda freak me out with the big words, though.


  • Le Masquerade silver member
    May 16
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    Cool

    It made me laugh so it must be good, could be a little longer though :-)


  • May Kingston
    May 16

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    When I first saw this, I thought it was going to be a waste of time, but then when I actually read it, it almost made me laugh. A blunt message of uncaring... though it would have been much better if you had made it into and elaborate story that seemed all happy and perfect until the last line, when she realizes that he is not going to love her. Still, it was an interesting idea. Thanks for entering!


  • Gary Alexander silver member
    May 15
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    Very Amusing

    Very cute idea here...and failrly nicely executed.
    I would "polish" this up a bit...for example: Find another word for "tower"...you used it several times (five times in less than eight lines!)You say: "white knight." I believe you meant to say Knight on a White Horse!
    Anyway, it evinced a chuckle here. Not an easy feat!
    GA


  • Lois.Stone
    March 24
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    this was funny! lol, i loved it!


  • Savage
    March 21

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    Lol, this was pretty funny. I don't agree with ... that guy before me, I'm not even going to try his name. I liked how it was normal... normal... normal... funny!


  • Atticus Unanimous
    March 19

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    Nice little twist at the end. However, in the hundred-odd words you've presented, more humor could have been found. It was dry, very much the typical story of a princess (in the beginning). In fact, it was only until the last two lines that anything was not of the formulated fairy tale. Perhaps, with some revision in the way of lengthening, adding details, and adding more to the plot, you could have something closer to a hilarious parody.


  • SoundInkMusic
    March 14

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    I can't really consider this as a finalist, since it doesn't meet the minimum word count, but did I like the idea behind it and the twist you presented in the ending. Thank you for entering.


  • rejazzin
    February 22
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    This story has a very quirky twist to it. It is pretty much normal till the end when it shows that the only reason the prince came was to get her for her money-i wonder if all princes in stories get the princess for her money? I sure hope not!!!!! Thanx for entering and good luck!

  • VLove44
    February 1
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    This story is a nice twist on a fairytale.  At the end of most fairytales, the princess stays with the prince, but this rewrite makes the prince just come after the princess for money. It's short, but to the point.  I like this story and I think its good for this contest.

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 2, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.


  • J-Dus
    February 1

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    This sounds exactly like Repunzel....I see no difference between the two...Or is it supposed to be exactly the same? I guess that was the point of the contest?


  • Reaver Greeters member
    February 1

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    Hello! Welcome to StoryWrite!
    I hope you are finding your way around well and that you are enjoying all the features!
    Your story was a wonderful read; it was an excellent twist to a fairy tale and I enjoyed how you took the cliché of the princess getting the prince and turned it into humor. Great work!

    One suggestion,
    → tallm/ tall in the first paragraph.

    Thanks for a great read!
    Rian, Greeter

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