As the thin, silvery crescent moon shone down onto a secret little clearing with two bowed oaks framing the entrance like two grand doors, and the tree trunk at the other end of the clearing, shaped almost like the crescent moon in the sky, Faye watched as Quinne carved a face into it, so that it looked as if someone were sleeping. Faye sighed contentedly, watching beautiful blue butterflies flutter around. A little further off, she could see a small lake. Smiling, Faye stood up and walked over. She crouched and looked at her reflection in the water. She continued watching the water as Quinne walked up behind her and sat next to her. They sat like that, and, after a while, Quinee kissed her on the cheek and stood up. He held out his had and Faye took it. He helped her up and together, hand in hand, they walked back home.1
Although the two of them didn't know it at the time, that would be their last night together.2
The next day, Faye recieved the news that Quinne had been killed while he had been walking home. Heart-broken, she ran back to their clearing. She sat at the lake all day, watching the little blue butterflies dance around, when she heard Quinne's voice.3
'Faye...'4
She looked up, and there he was, standing on the other side of the lake.5
'Quinne!' she called out..6
'Swim over!' he called back.7
Even if he had asked her for the sky, she would have obliged. She began to swim over, but, as she got closer, she saw Quinne dissolve into thousands of little blue butterflies.8
It had been a trick.9
The little blue butterflies watched as something grabbed Faye and dragged her down into the lake, to her watery grave.10
Suddenly, the little blue butterflies didn't seem so beatiful.
A contest entry
- Image Write by Host.
240 points, ended February 5, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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ooohhh... nice ending! Wasn't expecting it at all.
I felt it could have been expanded a little more in the middle but besides that it was really well written and a good easy read.
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sad, but very nice! you could actually expand on the idea and i think it would be even better!
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That was really good! It felt a little stiff but it was good. Good luck in the contest!
Host -
Oh wow
That was... very creepy. It was really awesome too! I wish you would say what killed them exactly and why, but i still liked it!
Good job! It was amazing!
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Suprising
I loved the beginning it was really well described, and i just liked it. The ending i didn't expect, it was a good ending don't get me wrong Good job on the title as well it really summed the whole story up really.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 1.
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alright
I like the way you have turned something so innocent like a butterfly into something sinister for your story. I felt you could have added more to make it more detailed, at the moment it is good but rather brief. Well done though, i like it, especially the description at the beginning.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 2, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Holey moley! I am probably never going to look at butterflies the same again...especially not little blue ones! Yikes!
I really like the imagery in this piece, and the emotion that you capture. I would like more from this, to be honest. It caught me and then let me go...sort of like a fisherman releasing his catch, if you know what I mean.
If you end up adding more, do tell me.
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Lady Editor...
Thanks for the comment! I appreciate all the criticism everyone's giving me. I know it was breif - I didn't have much time, but I will be expanding it sometime soon!
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