She glanced toward the door as she listened to her mentor dron on.She heard a slight creak of a board and was instantly at the door and into the hall.She only barely registered her mentors protest behind her as she flung herself into Leah,her older best friend. She smoothed her skirt ,and looked up at her friend with her best dazzling smile.
Leah looked back and said with a sigh, "Do you think you should leave Elin like that?" Alia smiled and said,"Probaly not but its not hurting anyone" Leah grinned,"Except him his blood pressure might go up". Alia resisted the urge to laugh,"Thats not a new medical concern." Leah frowned,"The healers said not to get him worked up again." She pushed Alia toward the gaping mentor.Giving HER best dazzling smile ,"Sorry but I had to borrow the princess for a moment. I hope I caused you no distress." Elin could only nod and mutter a short stuttered reply. It was not everyday that you were interupted by a 6 foot Elf with stunning Green eyes and Creamy Black hair. Alia turned back to ask Leah one last question," Has Aaron returned?" Leah shook her,"No." There was the sound of breaking glass and Leah turned to sprint toward the sound.
Comments
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Good work! There are some minor mistakes:
"..mentor dron on..." (It should be spelt 'drone').
"...and said,"Probaly not..." (Probaly should be spelled 'probably').
When a different character speaks, start a new line so people can follow the dialogue easier.
beginning: 2, language: 4, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 4.
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Thank You
I noticed drone while I was writing but I rarely have time to write so i was in a hurry
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