The Legend of Bird: Chapter one: Eclipse

Bird's beautiful Dark brown and white akita coat waved in the wind as she stared at the Cheery blossoms blowing from the tree branches. The grass rolled in waves around her; Her blue eyes sparkled like gems. Peaks of mountains where in the far off distance and she wondered what it was like to live up their. "ITs probably a whole other world up there... away from the valley," she mumbled to herself.1

"Hey, Bird! Did you hear about Eclipse?" Her best friend, an english setter named Whip, was bounding up behind her. His black fur with white bubble-like spots waved as he ran to her. Birds ears perked and she turned around.2

"What about Eclipse?" She asked. The nice silver dog had always been kind to Bird, though she was an old Wolf hybrid.3

"Shes ill!" Whip skidded to a halt infront of Bird, looking terrified and shocked. His pink tongue lolled out of his mouth as he panted heavily, eyes wide.4

"What?!" Bird yelled, Tail going out behind her.5

"Come on, your fathers waiting for us!" Whip turned and bounded off. Bird followed him, worried. They bounded quickly through the feilds when finally, the came to the rocky cave entrance and turned sharply to race inside. The air stung with the smell of sickness and a group of the cave dogs where gathered around something...6

"Eclipse?" Bird said, stopping behind a sitting great dane. "Excuse me!" she grunted and forced herself between the spotted Dane and the white akita she-dog sitting next to him. "Eclipse!" she said. Eclipses green eyes flicked up to Bird. She was breathing heavily and panting, tongue laying on the ground as she was sprawled on the cold, hard cave floor. The dark grey spot that enveloped her glittering eyes almost seemed to be fading. Her white paws and nails twitched as she opened her mouth to speak.7

"Bird..." she whispered. A series of rough coughs escaped her throat. Birds worry for her dear friend increased.8

"Eclipse, whats wrong!" Bird barked hastily. Her ears flattened to her head and her eyes where wide with fright.9

"I'm old, Bird..." Eclipse said. "I've been old. Where is your mother?" She panted.10

"Moth? I don't know," Bird crouched by Eclipse and touched her nose to Eclipses.11

"Moth went hunting with your father," The great dane spoke into her ear. "Shall I bring her here?" 12

"Please... before its too late..." Eclipse said. The great dane stood and turned, then bounded out of the cave. Her paused in the sunlight at the entrance, sniffed the air, then went left. Bird watched him as he left, then turned back to Eclipse. 13

"You're going to be okay Eclipse... please, be strong! You can pull through!" she whined desperately.14

"Child... I must except my fate, though I have lived many happy days. I will always be with you Bird," she whispered. The light in her eyes began to fade...15

"Eclipse!" Moths dust-colored body was in the entrance. Bird looked over her shoulder.16

"Mom! Shes sick!" Bird barked. Moth sped over and crouched beside Eclipse, licking her furr.17

"Eclipse, whats happening to you?" she said worriedly.18

"Mom, do something!"19

"Leave me be Moth," Eclipse panted. Slowly, her eyes began to close and her bretahing became shallow and light.20

"No... Eclipse, please! You have to wake up!" Bird yelled. "Open your eyes, you can't die yet!"21

"Respect her wishes Bird," Moth said. But she too shook as tears slipped down her face.

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • echoingspark
    February 2
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    Good Job w/ Revising

    *clap clap*
    i can 'c' the other dogs :b
    good job


  • Elisabeth gold member
    February 1

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    This is a beautiful opening chapter, full of action and feeling. You have a strong descriptive ability which shows in the roundness of your characters

    I really enjoyed this chapter, and look forward to reading more later on. Just kick me a little and I'll find some time to come and read about Bird.

    Elisabeth.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Liger
    February 1
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    Love it!!

    Great story. Well written.

    • Aiko Akita
      February 1
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      Thank you!

      Thank you very much! I know I should have developed Eclipses character before she died, but that will be in Moths book.


  • Aiko Akita
    January 31
    Edit | Reply

    Thanks echo!

    You're right, Ima edit it.

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