Mario is the fly on the web
Trapped in the small chambers
Never to move anywhere1
For if he moves
He will get stuck again
And the spider will feast2
The one time he can move about
Is in his dreams of the future
With his family3
The freedom stands invincible4
Tell me what I need to improve on
Comments
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The first thing about poetry writing is to think about what you're doing it on. Record the five senses and use them in your poem. Your poem I can tell, is a freestyle poem. The best poems I like have a rhythm or an 'invisible beat' behind the words.
Your poem, I have re-read over and over. I do not understand completely what you are trying to tell the readers. It's quite confusing, alternating between the description on a spider web to a chamber in jail. Try to keep it to one idea but you can use the spider web idea as a simile in your poem.
I'm not a very good poetry writer but this is all I can offer to improve your poetry.
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