~Future~
He slowly pulled my hair an inch back from my face. I could feel all the blood rushing to my cheeks, and I couldn't help but look up. 1
~Present~
"Edith, catch it!" whispered a voice from across the room. I looked up to see that the teacher was out of the room, until a paper ball came in contact with my face. 2
"Oh, sorry!" said a short and petite brunnette. She scrambled to grab her fallen purse and the peice of paper now on the floor. There were some laughs around the room, until the bell rang and I ignored everyone else. Turning back to my book.3
I wasn't really reading it though I was more than likely chanting "I don't want to be here right now!" a million times in my mind. Although before I get to that part, I should probably inform you exactly where I was.4
Cedartown, Georgia. A town I like to call "the boring country." Involving people who I also like to call, "country bumpkins." Yes, lecture me all you want. I didn't really care then.5
My first day in Hillbilly Hell and already I'm enrolled in school. I even remeber how persistant my dad was with Mrs. Cromer.6
"She's a strait A student, and loves to write. Language Arts is her favorite subject, although she excells in everything she does!"
My dad can be very cocky sometimes. Sometimes meaning all the time. Especially when it comes to his children's education.7
"Hey, new girl!" Said a Mexican boy sitting in the long table a couple feet away from me. I just ignored him.8
"Edith, what's her name?" he asked the girl next to me. Who now listening to her also told me she was Mexican as well.9
"Um," she looked at my paper and saw my name on top, "Louise".10
11
Author notes
This is just the beginning of this chapter. I still need a lot of editing done of this. I know it's not much ,but Feedback appreciated!!!
Comments
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"Strait" = straight.
Interesting, but the school name kinda threw me...might wanna change that. Also, even though your wording is good, it seems kind of direction-less. Be careful. I don't believe a story should have filler chapters, particularly not in the start.
- HT -
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Thanks for the spelling and wording advice

Actually this is the real school name
I really should get off my lazy butt and continue working on this. I have a lot of inspiration on where I want to take this.
~Lone
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Well so far, you have done a great job! There are some spelling mistakes in this story so please spell check it and proofread it while you're at it.
Great story so far!
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 2, dialog: 1, characters: 3.



