Alona and the Dragon

"Oh Robin, tell me you love me!"1

"Nooooooooo!"2

"No!?"3

"Nooo! Dragon! Run!" 4

"What are you on-- Ahhhhh!!!! It's got me! Let me go you brute! Wait... no, don't drop me!. Let me go gentllllllly! Ouch!"5

"Sing little girl, I like song while I'm preparing my meal."6

"What? What do you want with me?"7

"Well isn't it obvious?"8

"You're going to eat me? But I've never seen a dragon as handsome as you."9

"Flattery will only spoil your flavor tiny."10

"It's true, your square snout, your long, sharp horns, those wings! They're beautiful, and the jewels on your chest, they sparkle so wonderfully, you must be a wealthy dragon."11

"You'll not want to feel my horns, and wealth means nothing to a dragon, these are armor for my underbelly. You would know nothing of it. You see them only as a means to give you more material possessions. What good are they to you? You know nothing about true wealth. Now sing or I will silence you."12

"You are quite a wise dragon aren't you? I like a dragon with some smarts. I bet you can be quite sweet when you want to be."13

"You will taste sweet to me, now come here so I can test that theory."14

"Don't eat me! I love you!"15

"Ha! Love!? A human? Humans do not know love. They think they do but they treat it like a toy. They crush it into a ball and bat it around. They say it is their favorite thing in the world and they would do everything to keep it looking fresh and beautiful. Eventually it would get dusty and dirty and when they accidentally toss it over the fence they make no effort to retrieve it. They let it lie alone and forgotten and find another new ball to play with. They are lazy and go the easy route. They forget love is hard and at times one must go against all odds, all conventions, to keep their love, the most important thing in the universe. It is not for the selfish wants of an individual.16

Love is sacrifice. You would throw away your faith and god to be with me. Your god would believe it is a sin for you to be with me, but is it? Is love a sin? Love is the purest emotion not the basest. Yet you people mistreat it; from the molestation of children to committing adultery. 17

Human's love is fleeting. Today you say you love me, but tomorrow that may change. Even if you say it is forever, it never is with you. True love never dies. You do not know true love. You mistake many forms of love for true love. Your own love depends solely on what you will gain from it.18

You would do anything for me. If you truly loved me human you would know there is no meat for me to eat anywhere. You would give yourself to me, freely and with gratitude that you could help me to live another month."19

"Yes I love you, but is there no other way? I will die for you if I must."20

"No human. You'd beg for your life at the very end, as you already have. You would scream while I slit you open begging for your god's forgiveness for your sins of loving a dragon. You do not love me. You never have. Now enough of a lecture, I am hungry."21

"but-but I do love you..."22

"Grrrrr... You say you love me?"23

"Yes."24

"Then do what a lover would do."25

"I'll.... I'll get you someone else to eat!"26

"Hahaha... You would do that much for me, my tasty treat? Stay here and be my slave gathering me sweet morsels?"27

"yes!"28

"This is an interesting proposition. Well, then, go, find me some food. I warn you, if you do not return quickly, I will find you and your family, no one in your village will survive."29

"I'll be back quickly."30

***31

"I have waited about long enough. I will eat her whole family and let her watch. Wait, I hear her."32

"This way Robin. We'll be safe from the dragon in here."33

"Are you sure? It looks a little like a dragon's cave."34

"Yes, I hid in here after I escaped from him, he didn't come near here."35

"Alona, you are the best girl in the village, really, everyone says you're the prettiest, most clever- Ahhhhh! Dragon! run!"36

"Not so fast fat boy. Ah there you are!"37

"No, no, let me go. Alona, help!"38

"I can't"39

"No, dear boy, she brought you to me for my supper."40

"What? She-? She lied?"41

"Oh yes, and now you are mine."42

"Aaaaaahhhhh...-"43

"Yum, that was quite a nice appetizer but he didn't quite satisfy me."44

"Why are you looking at me like that. I did what you wanted."45

"No, you did what you wanted, and I obliged. Now my treacherous little (treat) you will join the one you betrayed. I warned you not to treat love as a toy and here you brought me the boy you pretended to love before me."46

"No, please! Nooo-"47

"mmmm... Now I am full. That was quite good. Humans are a fickle lot yet filling. Virgins are the best. Gah, but that one left a sour taste in my mouth."

Author notes

ok this was for a dialog only contest. I took it literally, I didn't even use tags if it is too confusing let me know and I'll add them. I might also eventually add story details to this if I get enough positive feedback. The main thing is though that I get the point across only using dialog.

written for contest; Dialogue Only by goseeu.

for contest; The Almost Anything Contest! Something For Everyone! by amanda vampiress
option 2 Supernatural Creatures Dragon
(ummm... hope you don't consider this script form, it's not really. It's more of an experiment.)


for contest; GIVE ME ANYTHING! by Tu Sei Una Stella
username: tonialoise

for contest; Contest ANYTHING!!!!!!! by MusicTennisPeace
see above

In a list

A contest entry

Did it make sense without dialog tags?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 31 of 31
  • browneyezcutie
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    Good description on love. I kind of figured it was an only dialogue story when it was nothing but dialogue. Don't worry it was really good and I enjoyed it.


  • Shadow dragon
    August 18

    Edit | Reply
    This is very interesting. If it is a sin to love dragons, then call me the wort sinner there is coz i am obsessed with them lol. No really i loved it.


  • artaq gold member
    July 2

    Edit | Reply

    Yes

    Intersting story, i love dragons and in this was he was neither a villian or a hero.. which is hard to do... I don't feel to sorry for the girl...
    Great Job!
    Oh and I've read speaches by dragons that were longer.. I thought it flowed well.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


    • tonialoise
      July 2
      Edit | Reply
      haha... they can be kind of wordy can't they.

      Thanks for the comment and applause.


  • Marisalyn13
    July 2
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting! Good job, good luck, and thanks for entering!
    ~Bring Me To Life~


  • Myryca
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, well dialogue only doesn't make for a good story but given it was for a dialogue only contest...

    It did make sense as it was. I could definitely tell what was going on. I didn't like the beginning much though and it wasn't a very easy read (because there was only dialogue obviously).

    Apart from that, I quite liked the dragon's whole monologue about love. I was even quite satisfied with the ending. I'm glad the dragon wasn't sucked into Alona's tricks and that she got what she deserved. It was good how you made Alona bring Robin for the dragon to eat. That made me not care that Alona got eaten herself. Heh.

    beginning: 1, language: 1, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 2.


  • Violette silver member
    April 22

    Edit | Reply

    Not bad.

    Yes I think it did.
    Okay, well, I didn't think much of your opening-too much dialogue for my liking and it seemed forced-don't know why sorry. I don't think I liked the switching lives to save herself either-but I hated it in a good way lolz if that's not too confusing for you. It also seemed to tie in with the dragon's perspective on love. All in all a rather interesting read.

  • DeathByChocolate
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    Yes i think it did. I liked what the "dragon" said about love. I also like/dislike how she fed Robin to the dragon to save herself. I like it because its unusual, but i dislike it because at the begining she was saying how she loves him and stuff. I guess her doing that proves the dragons point on love...

    GOOD LUCK!


  • Horanzu
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    It made sense, I could tell when the person/dragon talking changed because of what they were saying and the way that they talked.

    Very good! I liked reading this - especially the dragon's lecture on love - so true.

    It must have been hard writing with only dialogue, so well done.

    xxx


  • draconic chronicler
    March 17

    Edit | Reply

    I liked it.

    While there are so many fairy tales that tell of the clever young lad or lass who always tricks the dragon, let's fact it, an ancient dragon has "heard it all" before, and if easily tricked, wouldn't be an ancient dragon. I believe this would be the unhappy ending of all those tales if the authors wanted to be realistic. And I'd rather read a realistic dragon story than an absurd one invented to put five year old children to sleep. Thanks for sharing!


  • amanda vampiress silver member
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    I do not consider a dialogue sheet to be script form, so your safe. lol This was pretty good actually. I liked the dragon for all of his mysteriousness and intellectual insights. The woman was a pretty believable character, though I did not predict she would feed someone else to the beast. Good job, and keep up the great work!


  • imagist
    February 24

    Edit | Reply
    I agree. I think the dialogue worked; but would much prefer the story and decription.

    I was not surprised that Mr. Dragon ate her afterward. I'm sure she could have convinced the boy into there some other way.

    dragon lore does say that while honorable- dragons are tricky, and one must be very clever to outwit them. And certainly the girl was not.

    Good job!


  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    February 21

    Edit | Reply

    To answer your question, a big yes

    Good job .

    To answer your question, a big yes . You got your ideas across, showed your characters and carried the full plot with only dialogue—I commend you .

    Of course I did find your Dragon rather windy--. He could have given us those lessons in few less words. And since it apparently made no impression on his student, only she went out and proved him right.

    She conned a young man into satisfying the Dagon’s hunger. Then she became another tidbit herself—so he’s satisfied for a while but not so smart. why didn’t he keep her around to coax more meals his way?

    This has a lot of potential, if you add descriptions and action to the dialogue I would love to see what you end up with.

    Geri

    • tonialoise
      February 21
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, actually sometimes I picture dragons as these high and mighty creatures who would give long speeches, after all they have all the time in the world. Maybe for the story sake, it's a bit too long?

      "why didn’t he keep her around to coax more meals his way?" This is a good question actually, as dragons are also known as tricksters. Alas, that plot point might be too similar to another of my stories (well maybe more than one I think slavery is starting to creep into many of them). I thought maybe it would be a little more shocking this way.

      Thank you for your comments and applause, Geri.


  • dyslexic writer gold member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!

    This is a great story. I loved the dialog and it had a great flow too.

    nice job!

    lynn

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • scriptor
    February 2

    Edit | Reply
    i think that for diologue, this was pretty good. However, i dont think that the diologue is very realistic. You may want to work on that. This is a good story. keep it up,
    Bret


    • tonialoise
      February 2
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, but it is "fantasy" I wasn't going for realism. Dragon's don't talk after all.

      • draconic chronicler
        March 17
        Edit | Reply
        And why wouldn't they talk? Some legends speak of them teaching man to write. In mankind' earliest dragon stories, they certainly talk. In fact, many Biblical scholars believe that the talking serpent in the garden of Eden was originally the talking "Great Serpent Dragon of Heaven, (as his hymns proclaim), Enki, the dragon god who tricked man out of eternal live in the original eden story written over a 1000 years before the bible was. After the story was told and retold by illiterate Hebrew shepherds for a thousand years, the story was bound to change a little, and to justify the slave-like treatment of their women, the story was changed to blame a woman that was never in the original version!

        • tonialoise
          March 17
          Edit | Reply
          well true... I guess Ireally don't know. I haven't actually met one.

          I certainly believe the Bible is slanted to make women seem weak and to blame for many bad things that have happened over the years.

          Hmmm... never have heard of Enki but it sounds like you've done a lot of research. It does sound interesting.

          • draconic chronicler
            March 18
            Edit | Reply
            google Bibleorigins.com ( Ithink that's it) Great website on how the bible came to be, and the old Sumerian story about the talking dragon god in a Garden of Eden. who tricked the first man out of eternal life.


  • Dystopian
    February 1

    Edit | Reply

    Yes

    I think it worked find without dialogue tags, the speeches that described the actions reminded me of a fairy tale's dialogue (like in Goldilocks and The Three Bears). Bravo.

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 2.

  • oliviathegreatx3
    January 31
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    that was really good!
    so creative- wish I had your imagination!


    • tonialoise
      January 31
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      Thank you! Though I'm sure you have a very good imagination, everyone's is different.


  • outtahereall
    January 31
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    dialogue stories don't need tags, so yes, this read very well. thanks for your entry.
    tim.


  • lavanya
    January 30

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    very amazing story ...even in dialog form....very funny too.........and hey i like the last line where dragon was telling how vigin girls taste like.....very hillerious ...good job hon...good luck for contest ....


    • tonialoise
      January 30
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, you're quite nice to say so. I'm glad you could see the humor in it too.

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