It Hurts When I Say Goodbye [[My Last Goodbyes, JTS]]

He kisses my lips softly. Ryan has walked down the hall, and was long gone before he even did it. My eyes go wide, and Jacob's are closed. No smirks, no playful grins. No green eyes trying to hypnotize me. If I wanted him, I would kiss back. If I didn't, I would just sit there. But then again, being limp may just mean that I can't move. I stare ahead at the wall. I begin to ask myself in three seconds: Yes or No.1

I didn't want to pick it. I loved my Ryan more than any man on this planet. And here I was, kissing Jacob Thomas Sellman. I pulled away from him. I cried into my pillow. Tears coated the pillow. Sobs echoed into the cotton. Jacob rubbed his hands on my back, trying to soothe me. No matter what, I would cry. I wanted him gone again. Why? He was so important to my so called 'life'. If I 'got rid' of him now, I would whine and kick. I would fuss so badly. 2

But maybe I'd be better off, right? We'd seen proof of that all last week. I was a smiling girl without him. Well, even in the past, I smiled too. I wanted Ryan though, and I was sure there were other girls that wished to flock towards Jacob. 3

Not me. 4

That blow stunned me. After four years of wanting him, he wanted me when I was most vulnerable and already taken. It was severely ironic. I coughed several times before finally looking up. Jacob stroked my cheek again and then played with my hair. Ryan was down the hall again, pacing back in forth. He didn't come back. That scared me. I turned the other way and looked out the small window they'd provided in the room. Snow and ice? It was what, October, right? Or maybe I'd lost track of time all these months. Maybe it was really almost Christmas. For all I knew, Thanksgiving had passed and I had ruined it for Ry and my family. Not that I cared about the family. 5

"Jacob, what's today's date?" It was the first sentence I could say without dying. He came to the other side as I was still gazing out the window. "Kayla, it's Friday, January 19th." Christmas had past. Thanksgiving, was a blur now. I remember my presents, only slightly. I asked for roses and a PSP, which I fortunately got. Yet now that my memories were shaken up, the virus taking a hold was killing them. Disguising them with thoughts of the boy who stared at me longingly, I wished it would go away. Why wouldn't it?6

Wait. "January...nineteenth..." I said, longer. Today was my sixteenth birthday. "Jacob...I'm sixteen?" I asked, my black eyes going to his. Pale green. I had never seen his eyes so sad before. I was scared now. "Yes.." He looked away. Something else was bugging him. Were the others not telling me something? "Hmm?" I smiled, or tried. I think I failed at the attempt, but I think Jacob would have told me regardless. "Kathy and Ryan didn't tell you that you your anemia got worse, did they?" Whoa, whoa, Jakey-boy. What?7

"Huh?" Dead sounding again. Spectacular. "Yeah. Ryan is luckily the same blood type as you." He ignored my dead voice. "However, I'm the total opposite. My blood would have killed you." Jacob said this like I was never going to be good enough for him. He said it like I was a little lamb and he was the wolf. This frightened me only a bit, but I decided to question him. "Jacob, why did you say I was your friend? Why did you chase me? Why did you take ca- kidnap me? And why did you act like you liked me all these years?" So many questions. I mentioned all of them at once. He shrugged and then his lips slowly moved. 8

"Kayla, when I said you were 'my' friend, I meant that. That didn't mean you were willing to call me one. I chased you months ago," he looked away momentarily but the green eyes came back to my attention, "because I wanted to know what was wrong. You kept mumbling things. You acted like I was trying to hurt you. You kept screaming." He didn't know. Hell, until now, I hadn't realized it. Ryan and Kathy must've kept that from him too. I was a schizo. I thought he had pinned me down. The reality was, he had held me and tried to help me. "So you didn't kidnap me?" I said lightly. "No, I was trying to help you..." He said, stroking my hair again. 9

"This also means you just liked me as a friend all that time?" I watched him closely. He nodded his head. "Although, right now...I do hold feelings for you. But, I know who you're better off with." He pointed towards Ryan. I agreed in my mind. Ryan needed me, and I needed him. With Jacob leaving in late summer, I wouldn't have him for long periods of time. I nodded in understanding. "You won't tell him we just kissed...right?" He asked me, laughing some. I loved his laugh. "Promise. But you can't either." I knew how Jakey-boy got. He'd say that and do it anyways. "Same. I promise you." He took my hand and shook it. I clasped mine tighter around his. 10

"I'll be your friend, Jacob. And I'll be here if you ever need something." With those words said, he closed those beautiful eyes and kissed my hand. "Thank you, Kayla." My name. Being used. It was funny how even after we'd just got to know our situation better, he still gave me butterflies. That amazed me in so many ways unimaginable. So here I laid and here he knelt, two new friends. Well, to him, I was an old friend. But he was my newest addition. I felt proud.11

I hugged him one last time. Kathy saw and smiled. Ryan saw as well and knew what had gone on. Well, besides the kiss. The story was complete. My obsession was slowly fading. And I knew I was going to be with my Ryan forever, and Jacob would be one step away to helping me when I needed it. 12