Enter a world where everything is quiet. Where you are the only person to be heard. No one is ever seen. Ever heard. Ever lived. You have the world to yourself. One problem though. You are suicidal. Your parents think nothing is wrong and that you are the perfect child. But that’s not your reality. No, your reality is finding your prized dagger and finding the painful pleasure while you slide it down your arm. You see that sticky, warm, crimson liquid, you always desire, running down your arm. In this world, she is still alive. But still you cut into your delicate porcelain skin. Leaving marks in the wake of your knife, you forget what it feels like to be loved…wanted. Your best friend is the dagger that brings the red liquid to the surface of your skin. 1
You lie in your bed awake. Suffering from insomnia. Keeping that terrifying day fresh in your mind. No one knows you cry yourself to sleep at night or cut yourself deep into oblivion. You have your CD player on to constantly play My Immortal by Evanescence. Suddenly, it gets to a part to could probably sing in your sleep and you silently start singing softly in tune with the song, “These wounds won’t seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There’s just too much that time cannot erase.” But you stop. Tears start to pour down your cheeks. They are tears of blood. You think back to the times where you were innocent and no suicidal scars adorned you flesh. It’s hard to remember when she was still there for you, helping you in any way she could. You think back to the time she would play hide-and-seek with you, always letting you win. When you made brownies and cupcakes with her, she would let you eat the excess batter in the bowl, getting most of it all over yourself. You trusted her more than your own mother. 2
But back to your world. The world where you rule all. The world where you wish you never had been born is gone. That was your parents’ reality. You find your precious dagger. All the wounds have healed from the last time you cut yourself. You search for the source of your painful pleasure. You find it under your bed, hiding in a crimson painted cloth. You take the dagger out of it’s blood-covered wrap and press it to your right wrist. You trace it along an old wound and reopen it. You watch as the blood comes out thick. Soon, you realize it is too much blood loss and search for the cloth. You feel your life start to slip away as you become light-headed and your vision becomes obscure. Getting scared, you race to the bathroom and look for a towel. After grabbing an old raggedy towel, you run back to your room, slipping on the blood you spilt all over the floor trying to get to your destination. 3
You hit your head on the wooden wall. You feel the blood laced towel fall to your leg and your blood pooling in a puddle around you. Your breath comes out in short pants and harder to inhale the oxygen you need into your lungs. Suddenly, you realize you never wanted it to end like this. You wanted to get out of school, get married, have children, watch them grow up and have children of their own. Grow old with your true love, and die together in peaceful harmony. No never did you think it would end like this. But it’s too late to turn back now. You hear you mother’s voice in your head, “She’s the best daughter a mother could ask for.” You remember her saying that to your teacher in 4th grade. Then, you were proud to hear her say that and were proud to be your parents’ daughter. But now, now you are lying on a wooden floor basking in your death. You wish you could tell your mother that she was your role model throughout your life, your father, that your last argument was petty and childish and that you are sorry. Your siblings that you love them and you never wanted it to end this way, but you can’t now. Soon, you take your last breath and die the most horrible death of all. Imperfection Suicide.
Author notes
Favourite:
Candy: Jolly Ranchers {Esp. Blue Raspberry}
Band: Hmm... Within Temptation
Book: First Cut
A contest entry
- +Emo+ by heartfullofvenom.
300 points, ended February 9, 2008, 41 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Tear.
Oh my...
The best one so far. You managed to take a few of my tears when you started talking about the best friend being there part. I was hooked on every word of this. And You explained everything so well. The ending paragraphed made me realize a lot about myself too. I like how you were saying that she was picturing all the things she could have done with her life. It really explain the suicide aspect perfectly.And the guilty thoughts.
Truly Amazing.
Good Luck!
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I don't feel this way anymore... but thank you. I have talked to someone and he has helped me so much. He basically brought me out of the darkness and into the light. He taught me how to love and how to live my life. I am proud to say that he is my boyfriend and he has done so much for me. Again, thank you for the comment.
Tears
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Go talk to your Mother, ask for help before the time that no one can help anymore, your pain might end but your familys will have only begun. My son died 20 years ago, not of suicide, but I live with it daily, write about it allot. I hurt and it will never end, I can only imagine the hell of losing one of my children to teenage hell. We adults know it is hell. I watch my children for signs they ccan't hack it...talk to someone. I promise they will listen.
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Hon, these font colors are crazy on my pathetic excuse for eyes. Maybe try something darker?
for Emily
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Thank you once again Joyce.
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Emotion Packed!!!
Ashleigh, This was filled with such emotion. Good thing I have kleenex handy. You really touched my heart with this. Cliche or not, choose that option. Life is far too precious, and without you in the world a big chunk of it would be lost.
Keep writing and don't forget your goals. 
Joyce
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Thank you, I honestly, hate the stories that usually end in a "happy ending" but I admit some of my stories do have that. When I wrote this, I wanted to show something different than happy bunnies running through the forest, or a princess finally recieving her prince. I wanted to show the world a lot of people take for granted or don't even show. A lot of this is about me, but I don't think I will go on and kill myself in the end... I think I will get married, have kids and grow old with my true love. It sounds cliche when I put it like that, but in the end, isn't that what everyone really wants, no matter how old they are? Thank you for the comment and I'll try to comment on some of yours later.
Tears
Edited on Aug 21, 1:11 p.m. because 'because I can't spell'. -
*Thumbs Up*
wow. well i must say that ive never been anywhere close that i would think of suicide, or cutting, but i do say that the piece above is rather moving...emotion just drips from it, it is a fabolous piece, and one of those who dont end in the cliche "happy end" -
I have also been through this. it's not fun at all. Great job, i really enjoyed it
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thax for the comment. My mom now knows i cut and shes getting me a psychiatrist... so ya. My dad doesnt know, but if he did, i prolly wouldnt be living at the moment. A lot of my friends know and my little brother cant keep his trap SHUT abt it. I guess thats what little brothers are for... oh well. Again, thaks for commenting!!
Tears
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..wow. that left me speechless! i can relate to it so much! my parents never knew i cut. my mom found razors but i wasn't scarring then. i did after that though. well thanks for commenting me on my poems! i loved this im gonna read more of yours today and when you add more! keep up the awesome work!! love Lenee
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i really liked this a lot. i can really relate to this....all to well. i remember when i started to cut i used to barrow my sisters Evanescence CD and fall asleep listening to it and crying my eyes out because i was so "depressed". i hate how everybody blames anything on depression. my dad flipped when i told him truthfully about me and my good buddy scissors. it was actually and odd time when he noticed. so anytime he sees new cuts he freaks out on me.my step mom just tries to encourage me to stop because apparently she's gone through the same thing.but in reality all of my problems are because of her.i ruined any trust whatsoever between me and my dad because she wasn't getting enough attention.and isn't it wierd how you never think about anyone,like you're nothing but alone until harm is already done.but i really loved this peace of work.i thought it was fabulous and how much i can relate to it.i know i put a lot so i'm gonna shut up now
keep up the good work!
~dust~
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