Astral Release

Standing on the ledge, overlooking the trees below, everything melts away.  The setting sun casts a red-orange glow, lighting the clouds ablaze.  Snow-capped peaks jut from the landscape, stretching to the sky, reaching for the warmth of the fire above.  Smoke rises from a cabin in a remote village below, the people inside fast asleep within their womb-like beds and a log crackling as it slowly scatters itself in a grey cloud above.  A gentle wind rustles my hair, the biting cold bringing a sense of clarity.  Warmed by a fire within I smell the pine and smoke as they mingle in the night air.  Behind me, a car waits to carry me into the embrace of my secure home, but I know I will never turn back to look upon it again.  A few stray snowflakes drift gently down around me and I catch one in the palm of my hand.  Its gossamer patterns twinkle in the waning light of the sunset, and it slowly melts into another droplet of water.  With the heavens quietly raging above and before me, the light of the day dims and fades.  The ever-constant cycle will bring it once more and I consider waiting to see it again.  All eternity lies before me with time slowly gliding by.  Turning inward, I feel the beat of my heart pulsating within.  In a trance, I close my eyes and listen to the soft rustle of the breeze, trees sighing as the wind caresses their lush green tendrils.  I see what I will do on this serene, clear night.  Eyes wide and mind free I step from the ledge... and rise slowly into the dusk.  The sun a crescent on the horizon beckons for me to follow.  I soar over the silent peaks as they shimmer under the stars, welcoming the the uncertainty in the soothing embrace of the vast cosmos.  Gliding easily I gather speed, wheeling peacefully in the air.  As the day fades I race towards the softly glowing stars, the moment immortalized in my heart.1

Author notes

Grrr...

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Sweetblood
    March 21, 2004
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    wow. I can't give some sort of serious symbolism review like that Morning Rain person did, but WOW. this is so cool.

  • falling star86
    December 2, 2003
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    This is a beautiful story and I especially like the last line. And the part about the people being in their womb-like beds. Goddammit Xander why do you have to be such a good writer. I'm jealous. -Tay

  • letterstoladypeace
    November 1, 2003
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    That just describes everything so vividly. I had a picture in my mind that was clear as day. I love how it was written. Great job.

    Abby


  • October 8, 2003
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    hey, I saw this advertised and thought what better to do than read a nice short story, or actually I would rather put this under prose, since it's not really a story but neway.

    Excellent write, I have tried to write a descriptive piece like this many times, but I always run out of things to describe. really nicely written. Do you have a e-mail, because I feel as if this is more a draft than a final piece, and it can be changed at a few places. I will try and see what I can do...

    Overall brilliant piece
    keep it up

    -enkou-


  • October 8, 2003
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    I'm back...
    The story has wonderful potential. Look at what you are saying and trying to convey. In one sentence, The setting sun; seperated by one sentence, you then write "the people inside fast asleep". You want to look at how your thoughts flow. Then you talk about snowflakes.. .typically a product of gray, overcast skies. I guess they could blow off the mountain? Yet again you say :As the day fades I race towards the softly glowing stars" The story is GOOD, don't get me wrong. I want to encourage you to fine tune it. Make it EXACTLY what you are trying to convey. When we write, we go from point a, to b, to c. If we don't there needs to be a reason. You come so close to getting it. The images are just perfect---in their womb like beds---yet you need to show us a better progression of time if we are to see the fading sun the evening darkening and the stars. Do you see? I wanted to give you a real thought to work with in this critique so you can make the writing what it's capable of being. Just tweak it, tighten up your wonderful images. I really will come back and read some more.
    All good things to you~A


  • October 8, 2003
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    I'll be back. I DO have something to say. I'm just rushed and I'm sorry. A little late... ~MR

1 - 6 of 6