I wish I was sorry

"I wish I could say I'll ever forgive you but I won't. I wish I could say that one day my heart will put itself back together- and the shredded pieces will reunite to pump the blood through my body and give me life- but it won't. I wish you will walk into fifth period tomorrow as if nothing happened- like you always do- and tell them it was all a joke -but with me you just needed to know I cared- but I know you won't.1

If I had words to speak to you that day- I would tell you to come home with me- to stay with me- anything to wake you up and keep you from walking out of fifth period down that icy road- to keep you from walking out all of our lives- away from me. I would have spoken to you when the night made some pains numb and others excruciating and made you count on the clouds in the sky just how many souls your suicide would murder. I'd have told you to wake up and understand that if they found your body in that frozen pond- I'd always remember you- but not for surviving everyone that hurt you but for being selfish enough to devastate the community the way you did- for not pushing through the pain so you didn't unburden yourself onto your little siblings and your family. 2

I would have stuck everything out with you- by your side forever- and you knew that. But your sister is five years old and your brother is seven- you took away their childhood just as you lost yours- your wrong doesn't right anything." 3

"Shut that bitch up! That's my my son she's talking about. What the hell does she know? Get your hands off of me, woman. My boy is gone- and this child is up there talking about him.. How dare she, the little slut? He didn't even love you..."4

"Obviously- not enough. If he had- maybe he would have thought of someone else and stayed where he belonged- with me. Maybe then my soul wouldn't have frozen solid- drowned where he took his life. I'm going to continue- I want him to hear this- and I believe he's listening. 5

You stole from your brother and sister- you were their everything, their superhero strength that allowed them to sleep again after the nightmares. You built their path out of the drunken shredded reality that was their other choice- your words wove their bedtime stories and made them a part of something bigger, giving them an escape from doors slamming and bottles smashed in the dirt where they played after school. 6

You stole from me too- I wish so much that I can say I know how to bounce back after losing you but that isn't in my vocabulary. I don't have a reason to be in this life without you- I'm breathing, and my heart is still physically capable of beating but I'm not living. I'm holding my breath as the waves of sorrow flows down my spine to the tips of my toes- I'm throwing myself into the pretense of being strong so someone else can become my lie of strength. I loved you- you knew and know that- I don't care who else in this world doubts that. I still do- its a permament mark on who I am- you define me. I miss you- every breath I take- every time I blink - I'm concious of what I lost. I seen movies- read books where some people say they get three seconds in the morning- the transition between sleep and waking where they've forgotten and that's their fuel to keep going. I'm always awake- nothing numbs the pain. 7

I believed in you- in your ability to love me and stay alive because you knew I needed you- more than that I'd doubt your strength when I could do nothing but hold you through your pain but seeing you tickle your sister and tackle your brother- I convinced myself that was enough to keep you here with me. I'm selfish I know because I thought we were enough to ground you and keep your feet from the path you chose. I was wrong and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry because I couldn't stop you- I'm sorry because if I could do it all over again.. I'd have betrayed your trust and made sure I chained you to life. You would have hated me for that. But I'm sorry because looking now at the ruins of my heart and the pieces of my soul- unable to cry because Tatiana and Max need my pretense of strength to get them through this- I would have forced you to do the right thing- clip your wings and not numb your hurt instead of crippling those of us who are now forever missing a part of ourselves.8

I almost wish I was sorry because I can't forgive you- but I'm not. I love you - we love you but I can't forgive you, Jake Matthew Stone. "9

"Don't clap for her, woman. Don't talk back to me- you are only my wife. You bastards why aren't you throwing her out of this service- what was supposed to be a tribute to my son, my dead son. Shut up all of you! Don't you dare cheer- get the hell away from me- no one touch me- I'm leaving. You should all be ashamed of yourselves clapping for the crying slut. My son is dead- and she just spoke as if he was a criminal. ........ 10

What do you want slut? How dare you think you have the right to talk about my son or to me?"11

"Tell Tatiana and Max I'll pick them up from school tomorrow- they can spend the night at my house. I'm sorry your guilt is eating you alive for not knowing your son- I'm not sorry he hated you."12

"

Author notes

I'd rather eat a blue banana
the first four options all of them for the depression contest

twilight is amazing except ppl who hate it

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    June 4

    Edit | Reply

    I'm crying...

    The most outstanding, beautiful, amazing story ever! You are really into writing, I can see that. Good luck in other contests! Welcome to the finalists list.


  • Maggie Kay
    March 20

    Edit | Reply
    And this is why i couldnt kill myself. because by killing myself i would hurt those around me.
    This is such a true story and striaght to the point. You have explained the situation so well. its such a touching story.
    thanks so much for entering!


  • alb9137
    March 11
    Edit | Reply
    wow. she just burned his dad. incredible and sad.


  • Vampiric souls
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry, I found it interesting and well written for a dialogue story. I found it different from most enteries!! GREAT JOB!!!
    Souls


  • Lois.Stone
    March 1
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! It's really hard to write a story in all dialogue, but that was awesome!


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    February 17
    Edit | Reply
    thanx 4 ur entry i will b reviewing all of the finalists momentarily!


  • GrimDeath
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting, I have never read a story that was only the person talking. It was kinda sad but also kinda amusing by the fact that she showed up with the fact that she's mad at the boy that died. Great Job! Thank You for entering and Good Luck!
    -Grim

  • TheDecree
    February 15
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was excruciatingly sad and very emotional It seems the mother of the dead son wasn't to fond of the main character speaking about her son that way at the funeral. But maybe. the main character was only speaking the truth, and some just don't want to believe it, especially the mother.

    This was a lovely story. (:

    Good luck in my contest. (:


  • GossipGirlLuvR
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I really like this. I am sorry, but you didn't follow the rules. I don't know what option you used. You were supposed to put the option in the author notes.


  • Ashlyn Rose
    February 7

    Edit | Reply
    Too many contests you've entered this in. But it was good shockingly good. Are you the best? Do you think your the best? Or do you just want the points?

    • Writing0Freedom
      February 7
      Edit | Reply
      I could care less about the points- I just want feedback and to know what people think. I think its one of the best pieces I've written yes.

      • Ashlyn Rose
        February 7
        Edit | Reply
        Well I like your reply better than anything else. It's not the story that caught my attention. It's how you wrote it.

        • Writing0Freedom
          February 7
          Edit | Reply
          THank you , I think. I liked the idea of writing an all dialogue story and I wrote it off the idea of a contest but I tweaked it and liked how it turned out.


  • Dreama
    February 2
    Edit | Reply
    this was good, i read it last night and then lost my internet connection so am commenting now instead lol.
    i thought this was good, at first i thought it was just narrative and then i realised it was dialogue when the father responded to it. i was nearly in tears by the end of it and the emotions were so real. thanks for entering my contest!


  • outtahereall
    January 27
    Edit | Reply
    Very emotional and very well written.
    Thank you for entering my contest.
    Tim.


  • AugustDaylight
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    This is really good. Made me think of something that happened in my life, which is good for something to do. I related to it, grasped it emotionally and held it close.

    Very well written.

  • Carissamahrie
    January 27

    Edit | Reply

    AMAZING.

    This made me cry. It was the most intense thing I've read in a while. It was soo good, and you should be a published author! I can't express how much I love this.

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

1 - 21 of 21