I collapsed against the tree, my energy depleted. I could go no farther. The cold was creeping into me slowly but surely, freezing my insides and feasting on my body's warmth with savage glee. My lips were cracked and bleeding, and I had a large cut on my leg. It throbbed painfully, and had left a trail of bright red blood behind me.1
I groaned and banged my head against the tree in frustration. Of all the times to get into a car crash...I was so close to getting my break-through story! With frozen fingers, I fumbled in my jacket pocket for my cell phone. Opening it, I saw that I had no service, unsurprisingly. A blizzard was blasting all around me, and the trees provided shelter from the snow, but not from the cold. The only good thing about the frigid weather was that it had numbed my injured leg.2
It had been stupid to take the story. It was unusual and chilling. A cannibalistic killer had gone on a rampage in a remote town in Alaska, killing six people so far. The victims had been found with their chests torn open and everything inside had been missing. The killer was still on the loose, and a furious police investigation was going on to identify and capture him. A few indigenous citizens had accused the killer of being a Wendigo--a cannibalistic spirit born when one human eats another.3
Unease prickled down my spine. I nervously glanced around, trying to see into the darkness of the surrounding trees. I was haunted by the figure that had appeared in the middle of the road when I'd been driving. It'd been a pale, gaunt figure that had practically blended in with the falling snow. In a panic, I'd swerved sharply to avoid hitting the person, and I'd gone off the road down a steep hill. The car was now half buried in the snow, and there was no hope of getting it back on the road. I was stuck waiting for the blizzard to let up enough so I could get service.4
The minutes ticked away. I constantly checked my phone, but to no avail. Eventually, I became aware of how vulnerable I was, and became paranoid. I felt like something was watching me, that every shadow contained a malevolent creature.5
My fears proved to be true. Even with the wind howling and the trees whipping around, I heard the footsteps in the snow. My heart lurched. I jerked my head up and in one, horrifying moment, I saw the figure from the road standing there, ten feet away. 6
He was the epitome of ugliness. He barely resembled a human-like creature. A discharge oozed from his shriveled, ashen skin that looked like sweat but smelled acrid, even from where I was cowering. The being was hunched over, his shoulders drawn in. He had no nose, only two ragged holes, and his eyes were sunken deep into his skull. Those eyes burned into mine, their red color containing a hunger I couldn't begin to fathom. His bones pushed defiantly against his skin, sticking out in sharp relief. He exuded rot and decay from his very pores, creating an aura of death around him.7
I knew I was staring into the face of the killer. The face of death.8
He started walking towards me, slowly, laboriously. Before that moment, fear had only been a word to me. A word that I believed I knew the meaning of, but had truly been a foreign concept to me. True terror shoved its painful, terrible self deep into my body, wreaking havoc with my emotions. I was shaking uncontrollably. I had no ability to move or make a sound. My heart threw itself against my rib cage, and air barely squeezed its way past the fear clogging my throat. 9
He stopped in front of me. His stench hit me in waves, and I gagged at the smell of rotting flesh. 10
"Get away from me!" I screeched.11
He stared unblinkingly at me, not moving, only watching. His body was shaking with...anticipation.12
Defiance reared its determined head. I launched myself at the creature, a battle scream rushing past my frozen lips. I fought with the will of a dying person, kicking at the frail bones, clawing at the slick, disgusting skin. I bit the unmoving figure, hard, and watched in horror as a black liquid seeped from the teeth marks. 13
Calmly, precisely, the monster gripped my jaw with a bone-crushing strength. He raised me until my throat was in front of his face, vulnerable, exposed.14
Oh God. I felt ill. Sickness festered in my stomach, and I would have vomited if I'd been able to. He put his gruesome face next to my throat, inhaling my scent. I blacked out for a second when I felt his slimy, slithering tongue sweeping across my skin. 15
"Oh God," I whimpered. "Oh God, please, save me. Anyone, save me, please, oh please, please..."16
Words of prayer streamed out of my mouth, because in the end, we all wind up praying.17
"No one is going to save you," the monster laughed, looking up at me. I was surprised something so monstrous could have the brain capacity to form words. His voice was beautiful in fact, despite his horrid appearance. It was pitched low and as smooth as velvet.18
When he spoke, it revealed a line of dagger-like teeth. His eyes gleamed maliciously, and I knew he enjoyed my pain and terror.19
I searched deep in my heart and mustered up the courage to say, "Shut up, you cannibalistic freak!"20
"Do you know what you smell like?" he said in a low whisper, as if he was talking to a lover. The sound caused icicles of sheer horror to form on my spine. "You smell utterly delectable. I bet your organs are gorgeous, filled with the succulent juice that tastes oh-so-delicious with a touch of alcohol. I will start here first--" His spare hand drifted down my rib cage to the soft skin of my belly. "--and slowly eat you away until nothing is left but a hollow shell."21
Tears were pouring out of my eyes, soaking my face and neck. I sobbed softly. He was breaking my mind, and after that he was going to break my body.22
No...I wouldn't allow it.... He could kill me, but damn it, I wouldn't go down without a fight.23
I kicked him in the genitals. With a howl of anguish, he dropped me. Ignoring the pain in my jaw and leg, I stood and ran for the road. If I could get a car to stop, maybe it would scare off the killer. It was my only hope.24
I barely got ten steps before I was tackled to the ground. A cruel hand kept my face smothered in the mercilessly cold snow while I felt my clothes being ripped away. I tried to scream, tried to fight, but as my back lay bare, I knew it was hopeless.25
The killer was done playing. Pain became a living being within me as he bit into my flesh. It wasn't so much what he was doing as the idea of what he was doing...he was eating me alive. His razor sharp nails sliced my skin to ribbons, spilling my blood and revealing the inside of my body, which was never meant to be seen.26
I felt the hot spill of blood gush from my back as he ripped away muscles in an effort to get to the organs. Sounds of him devouring flesh filled my ears, and I could practically feel my mind break. Uncontrollable screams rang throughout the forest, and I realized they were mine.27
He didn't allow me the mercy of death, and all of the fight had gone out of me. Sensing this, he removed his hand from my head as he feasted. I turned my head to the side and pulled air into my shuddering lungs. I was going to die soon, because I felt the brutal cold against my bare spinal cord. I welcomed death with open arms, focusing on only that. It helped distract me from my unimaginable torture.28
My vision started to fade along with the overwhelming anguish. The last thing I saw was my own blood staining the pristine surface of the snow before I sank into blessed, beckoning oblivion.
Author notes
In the works of being rewritten, but in third person instead of first. 
A contest entry
- A Nightmare on Elm's Street by C.rimsonQ.uill.
100 points, ended February 24, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Haunted and Hunted by Oblivion Kitty God.
400 points, ended July 13, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you like. by BrokenOnyxMoonlight.
156 points, ended September 7, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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Very good, but a;lso long; it was great and very well written. great job! I hope to see more of your works in the near future.
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Gruesome and morbid. Excellent combination. The scene wasn't horrifying to read, but I cannot imagine being in a similar situation. Great work with this.
The only thing that got me was that I felt your descriptions of the surroundings came too slowly. It's nice to gradually paint the image, but I like being able to see the scene within the first couple of sentences.
For instance, if you mentioned that it was snowing in the first paragraph, it would've helped me better visualize the other events in that first part. As it was, all I saw was a random non-gendered person in somehow non-colored clothing against a bare tree trunk with no top in the middle of a black wasteland with out sky or ground.
Then, when a paragraph later I see that it is snowing, I visualize the blizzard, but it's a bit difficult to place the blizzard with the image of the person. My mind has moved past the initial observation phase and into the centering-on-the-character phase.
Sorry if that's confusing, but I'm attempting to explain it as best I can.
Regardless, the story was magnificently told and wonderfully horrid (in the creepy kind of way). Great work. Thanks for entering this into the contest. Good luck.
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Ah. I see you've entered this story again. Well, it's still as amazing as the first time I read it but will it measure up this time?
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OH NO!
I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT--AGAIN!
Sorry, I'll remove it right away. -
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No. It's ok. I really like this story. It's fine.
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i LOVED it! you are an above natural writer. you did a grat job. please enter more of my contests!
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Not really scary but cool Sorry, I don't get scared that easily, but all in all you did very well. Nice job
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Thanks!
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you did a great job here! i liked it a lot it was scary and cool and i loved it! i usually don't like horror pieces but i liked this. you are verry descriptive which added to the feel of your story. keep up the great work!!!! good job!! ^^ XD
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Hehe thank yooou!
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very good horror short story here. Your descriptions are very realistic and creepy like. *shudders* I can see the frightening creature in my mind. Amazing write here... as always
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Thank you very much! xD
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This is a very nice piece of horror. I like flow of the the descriptions and the fact the protagonist is being eaten alive. There are so many variations on the wendigo legend. Yours was a very intriguing one.
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Thank you very much for the comment! This was made for a contest where I hadn't heard of wendigos before, and the person hosting it cancelled it...
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Excellent!!!!
I really liked this story. It had a good plot and you really had a good choice of words. This may sound creepy, but I really liked how descriptive you were when the killer devoured the MC. Also you could make a story about the killer and his killings, if you haven't already did so.
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Thank you very much!
And I don't think that's creepy at all
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The first thing I noticed was that you broke Rule 8 of the contest by not including the option you chose in your AN. Even though it's obviously Option 2, the horror/suspense one, I'd appreciate if you could still add that note.
The story is very descriptive and imaginative; you did a great job with that aspect. I was drawn into your world by the sheer vividness of it, and could envision everything you wrote in my mind like I was looking at a picture.
I'm not so much into monsters and the like, but you made the Wendigo believable, and to be honest he was so cool I found myself rooting for him. *lol*
The only improvement I could suggest to make with this one, is if the story was written from a third-person perspective, with the focus still on the current narrator/main character. With first-person, the story loses its power at the end when the narrator dies.
Thanks for the contest entry, and good luck!
~Sparrow
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Oops, my bad...I'm sorry
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Thanks for the comment, and the suggestion.
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Scary, man! The idea of being eaten alive, having your back ripped off and devoured by some monster... *shudder*
One thing I thought was that you introduced the killer (Wendigo?) too early, and you didn't really have time to build the tension. Just a tip, if you ever write something like this again, that there's a thrill in the chase as well.
Great write, really well done! -
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Thank you for the tip, I'll definitely keep that in mind!
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Very Chilling
This is actually the first story I've read on this site. I hail from the poetry world. But I must say that I'm glad I chose your story to read. Keeping my attention and keeping me alert of my surroundings throughout the story...very impressive. I will be honest, I first thought of the journalist as a male throughout the story, now that I've seen that you are female it actually changes the tone to even a little bit darker of a setting for me. Very well done...anyway to ward off these wendigoes? XD -
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Welcome to Storywrite! I'm honored to be your very first read! *feels flattered*
Thank you for reading and commenting!
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holy cow that was creepy.i loved this story it scared me half to death. the vivid discription made me see it all clearly. i almost felt the pain. wow. very good and very creepy story
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. It's based on one of my deepest fears (probably everyone's deepest fear) of being eaten alive.
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Holy *bunny* that’s creepy. REALLY creepy. Actually on verge of very disturbing. Oh well. Good writing.
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Haha thanks, I think.
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WOW, wow, oh, and did I mention wow?!?!?!
First of all, I live in Alaska so this story was chilling. Second of all, you brought the urban legend of the real life dogman from my childhood growing up in Michigan back to life with a vengeance. The Native American word for werewolf is wendigo, but I'll bet you already knew that.
Your details in this story painted vivid pictures and will probably haunt my mind the next time I wander out into the northwoods darkness. Between the stories I heard growing up and your own splendid tale, I'm willing to bet I'll remember this for a good long time.
I wish it were published and sitting on my bookshelf to be read on Halloween. Great job! -
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Thank you!!
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Blown Away
That was incredible! I am so taken aback right now that it's not even funny! I loved the way you told it in 1st person. A Wendigo? Amazing! When it ripped into her back, I felt like my back was exposed. lol Really great write!
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What an imagination you have;
I’m glad the sun is out, or I would be afraid to go to sleep
. What an imagination you have; eating someone alive 
. That has to be the most grotesque idea you could come up with 
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The plot moves along at a good clip without being rushed. These kinds of scenes have to be brisk or they fail to impart the urgency needed to inflict fear, and horror on the reader as well as the victim.
Your descriptions were clear, so we could feel the cold, sense the darkness, and hear the sounds.
The characters, even if there are only two, were visible. Hi just a note to explain the way I see it. You are the author of your work, therefore it should be as you wish it to be, will it please everyone? Of course not.
No one’s work, even Shakespeare’s was or is popular with all readers. I can’t stand certain authors; I read one book and probably will never purchase another they’ve written. So what—other people not only will but have put those writers on bestseller lists.
I’m glad the sun is out, or I would be afraid to go to sleep. What an imagination you have; eating someone alive omg. That has to be the most grotesque idea you could come up with clappy.
The plot moves along at a good clip without being rushed. These kinds of scenes have to be brisk or they fail to impart the urgency needed to inflict fear, and horror on the reader as well as the victim.
Your descriptions were clear, so we could feel the cold—sense the darkness and hear the sounds.
The characters, even if there are only two, were visible. Move over Dahmer, this guy likes his meat fresh.
A few indeginous (indigenous) citizens had accused the killer to be a Wendigo--a cannabalistic (cannibalistic) spirit born when one human eats another.3
I bet your organs are gorgeous, filled with the suculant (succulent) juice that tastes oh-so-delicious with a touch of alcohol.
You do have a good gift of English. Some of the word useage is a little over the top; but that's your choice.
You have a couple misspelled words:
A few indeginous (indigenous) citizens had accused the killer to (of being) be a Wendigo--a cannabalistic (cannibalistic) spirit born when one human eats another.3
I bet your organs are gorgeous, filled with the suculant (succulent) juice that tastes oh-so-delicious with a touch of alcohol.
Geri
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Thank you for your extensive comment. This is actually my first horror story, so any and all feedback is welcome! I'm fixing the typos right now. Also, did you accidentally write the comment twice or is something wrong with my computer?
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wow....just....wow.
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Scary
Now that was really bloody and scary. Death is scary enough, but it's hard to imagine laying there while you're being eaten live. My Windigo was a lot tamer.
If you're trying to scare or horrify, you're doing a fantastic job.
I can't really make up my mind whether I love it or hate it, but I did read it all.
Keep scaring us.
Trish
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Definatly dark. Some powerful writing and good descriptions, the plot is fairly simple but very effective. Good work.
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Wonderful!
You just happen to be my first wendigo story! And it was brilliant. At first I wasn't sure I liked it in the first few paragraps, but once the creature came to the protagonist it was brilliant. I loved the way you described his fear, and the monster with his beautiful voice. What he said was chilling, and I found myself at the edge of my seat in anticipation. Great job, and good luck! -
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Thank you! I didn't know if I got all the facts right, so I was a little hesitant about entering this into the contest, but I'm glad you liked it!
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Hints at something more
Has Vampiric blood/sex undertones. The victim seems to be enjoying it all a bit too much, just like the swooning maiden in old vampire films. This is not a bad thing by the way, this is how it's supposed to work.
I also like the way you ended with 'blessed' and 'I sank'. The words capture the mood of the narrative perfectly.
You have problems with the grammer though and it all needs a good editing. If you just think about a good piece of pork, cut off the fat and it's a great piece of pork.
Then again, we all need a good editor.
But as an almagamation of Stephen King, old horror 'victims' and the new vampire zeigest i have to give it an overall thumbs up.
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Thank you for your honesty! I'll have to reread it some more and try to catch these grammar problems (the bad thing about editing your own work is that it makes sense in YOUR head even though it won't make sense to others)
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That was a fantastic story even though the end was frightening. Your words made me feel the character's terror and anguish.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks!
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Intense
I liked the mood of this story. You could honestly feel the fear radiating from the screen. Aside from a few speeling errors it was great.
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Hmmm, where were the spelling errors, can you remember?
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ummm here
"Those eyes burned into mine, their red color containing a hunger I couldn't being to fathom."(the being)
I think that was the only one. -
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Thank youuu
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your welcome
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