Expressing what is lost

I felt so lost when I saw you. I was never good with boys and expressing my feelings. I think I practically live in my thoughts. Always thinking of what happened to me and rein acting what should have happened. I wanted to tell you that I do like you and I wanted things to end between us. It doesn't make any sense, but it's only because I never want to hurt you. But I stayed with you because I never had the guts to do it. I don't know if it's because you're different, or perhaps, it might be that I never give guys a chance and I end up breaking their hearts on accident. I never meant to do it. It just happens. But please! Help me and forgive me.1

If I could only tell you all of this, I would be set free from my heart. But of course, I'll be lost and captured inside my heart for eternity. My heart screams for love. Why can I not truly love? I think I do, but it's always wrong. 2

I see your eyes and they tell me that you're not focusing on me, they're focusing on something else, They look almost cross-eyed or swerved. What is it that you're eyes desire? What are you truly looking at. It's making me angry, but it shouldn't. What is wrong with me. I fell into my thoughts so long ago, so I could be safe. I'm not safe, not until I realize what I am and what I truly think of you and I.  I am truly and deeply sorry.3