The man can be a moron1
this you will soon see2
every time we are in the middle of sex3
he decides he needs to pee4
I am about to reach my peak5
I’m screaming, Please don’t stop6
And just before I explode7
he pulls out and heads for the john8
I lay there in shock9
wanting to break his face10
this is the last straw11
I can not control his fate12
Tonight I will end it13
I have it all planned out14
when I am thru with him15
this orgasm will be the best without a doubt16
Strap him blindfolded to his workbench17
telling him this will be fun18
little does he know19
he’ll be dead when I’m done20
Run my nails down his chest21
blood trickles down his sides22
he screams he does not like pain23
I giggle and make more lines24
I’ve invested in some devices25
I read about online26
they may cause some pain27
but hey, I’ll be just fine28
I’ve got it all worked out29
in the garage is where he’ll die30
he spends most his time in there31
I’m sure no one will wonder why32
I stand him on the workbench33
his hands tied from the beams34
straddle him over his new flagpole35
wow, this is quite a scene36
I stand in front of him37
his manhood in my hand38
tell him to step forward39
to follow my command40
I untie his hands41
tell him now is the time42
he steps forward landing on the stick...43
up the rear and out the head44
well hell, looks like he’s dead.45
"Officer, I think my boyfriend had an accident"46
~vampira1665~47
Author notes
A man should not spend too much time in the garage with his tools, he may end up having an accident.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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I love sex and drugs, and spend alot of time in
the garage. And yet....
Good write all the way through.
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All I can say is....OWWWW!!! lol Very cool write you have here!!
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Wow super read dude i loved it, it flowed wonderfully. And it sucks when a dude fucks off straight afterword. Any way keep it up you rock... Aeris
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Yup, he got it right up the end! LOL
Thanx for stoppin by, and glad ya got a laugh.
Hugs and bites, Lady Raven -
Great writing here.
The title of this one caught my eye and I laughed at that and then I laughed again as I read this one. Hey I can surely see why you won the gold, this is priceless I think. And that staking out like in the days of Vlad the origion of Dracula was really cool. I liked this one and congratulations on winning the gold. It was a great write. -
This was very, very funny! How dare a man stops in the middle of a good thing to go pee?!? That man of your story deserves what he got, and girl what he got, straight IN
Let them all bleed I say lol
Thanks for the good laughs and all the best with all you do, specially with men
Mari
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HAHAHAHA!!! This has to be one of the more creative ways I've heard of planning a man's death...and I damn fine warning to those of us of the male persuasion to take care of nature's buisness before taking care of our females...good advice Well, I feel bad for your man...the punishment hardly seems to fit the crime...but at least justice is served in the end
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Well, I think you captured the spirit of the contest.
First as to content: I think you could have made the guy even more unlikeable with just a few more stanza's about his shortcommings. But this is fiction, and I said that any reason will do, so you got credit for this aspect. I liked your execution method. It was in fact creative and catharctic both from the write and read aspect got full credit here. As to your defense, I dare say you might have to explain why his drawers were down and those pesky rope marks, but it was a poem, and poems are not as literal as short stories, so no major deduction was taken.
As far as humor, well I laughed. So on my score card you did very well in this catagory, and it appears that other people seem to agree with me. This was the high ticket catagory, so you get a real advantage over less funny writes.
Style: As there were multiple types of styles permitted, this was not highly weighted. Overall, your write quality was good, but I have seen you do better. But I think you did well to aim for laughs and not focus on poetic detail. You got points in the catagory that counted, at the sacrifice of fewer in a catagory that wasn't that important. Not a bad call on your part.
Finally as to subjective grading. What mattered to me here was that you got your feelings on paper and made me feel the release of emotions. A very old lady one told me as a child, that it feels good to get it out. Well, it felt like you did that. I think that you acomplished this goal to my satisfaction. I think the write made you feel better and I'll bet that the other readers here vicariously have benefitted from your write. Brida has my score card and will be adding her scoring and will be posting the awards shortly.
Peace,
~RJ~ -
Fookin hell! Lol that's evil but fooking funny. Haha What A Way To Go Though! Did you get your orgasm in the end? Amusing concept, I really liked the idea (not of you killing him) but that during sex he always needs the loo.... Good luck in the contest, this really put a smile on my face
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What if he was my husband and had been doin it for years and I had asked him a million times about it? Then what? And it is made up my dear.
Thanx for reading, glad ya liked it some what!
HUgs and bites, Lady Raven -
DAMN! Shit! One thing bothers me. Lack of logical thinking. He was only your boyfriend. You could've broken up with him. And if it was SEX you wanted... I'm sorry, it just doesn't make sense. But it was good. I will say I do like it, regardless how I'd hate to die like that. Aroused for a moment, and then impaled. Damn, that'd suck.
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lol am I glad I don't spend much time in the garage in fact, if I didn't had to walk through it to get my bike, or to take the thing to walk with my dog, I'd never be in there
I wish you the best of luck with this contest
Leander -
....damn....I laughed so hard at the end. I love this poem, it's kick ass!
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There's nothing more annoying than coitus interuptus is there?
A really cleverly developed story. Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
ps. I noticed two typos: "wanting to brake his face"... 'brake' should be 'break' and "I have it all planed out".... 'planed' should be 'planned'. -
thats what he gets for not having the sense to take a leak BEFORE fucking!
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You always amaze me with your stories/poems...This really kicked ass. I laughed through the whole thing...Keep it up. And of course the picture is just great...Stacey
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ohh.... Ilove thiis oneIlove the hint of erotica in this dark poem you wrote! very funny too....
luv yah
Angel
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mmmmm nice and dark. I really enjoy it when you get violent. I hope there is more to come, keep up the great work >;o)
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great
hehehe i loved this. interesting concept...im sure its gone through all of our heads...for those of us who havent experienced such an annoyance. anyways this brought a smile to my face. keep writing.
MORSMORDRE!
- AleX - -
lol..
that was fucking great..
and a woman is way more important than a garage.
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