“Did you have a good day?”
“Yes.”
“Make any money?”
“What do you mean?”
“Rent’s due, Bob.”
“I know that, Karen.”
“Then I ask again, did you make any money today?”
“No.”
“Figures. You never do.”
“Can we just go to sleep?”
“How can I?”
“What do you mean?”
“I have to worry about paying our rent now.”
“Just go to sleep.”
“You sleep on the couch.”
“No.”
“What?”
“You sleep on the couch.”
“How dare you.”
“I’m not sleeping on a couch when I fucking bought this bed. Now go to sleep.”
“Fine!”
“Fine.” 1
“Karen?”
“What?”
“You want to come back to bed?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“Why? So you can badger me more?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“I want you.”
“No.”
“You don’t love me anymore do you Karen?”
“Bob, go to bed.”
“I want you to come with me.”
“Then make some money.”
“Is that all you want from me?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“Go to bed.”
“No.”
“Then leave me alone. I don’t care what you do.”
“Karen…”
“Get away from me!”
“But…”
“Get away!” 2
“Bob?”
“What?”
“I’m sorry I yelled.”
“I know.”
“I’m just stressed.”
“I know that.”
“You angry at me?”
“No. Come to bed.”
“Alright.”
“Comfortable?”
“Yes.”
“Kiss?”
“Mmm, that was nice.”
“I know.”
“Tired now?”
“No.”
“Still want me?”
“Yes.”
“Bob?”
“Yea?”
“I love you…what?! What did you do!”
“Shhh now, it’s ok.”
“Bob!! Oh, God! Why?!?”
“Shhh…the pain will stop soon.”
“W..why?”
“Would you just shut up? Just shut your mouth.”
“Oh…help…me.”
“Shhh, it’s ok.”
“Bob…”
“Shh. Shhh.”
--
“Karen?”
--
“Finally. Peace.”
A contest entry
- Trophies for the Trophy-less by May Kingston.
175 points, ended May 24, 72 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Bob
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Oooo... creepy. I really like it! It is entirely comprised of dialogue, but it still manages to getthe message across. I think in its simplicity, it's even better than it could be with a lot of description. Thanks for entering! This was a really good, dark read.
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Nicely done; just finished reading Six, and this is another good example of dialogue being able to stand on its own and still provide a plot. You manage to display the characters personalities and emotions merely through their words, which is not an easy medium to stick to. Great story, I really enjoyed it =)
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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I absolutely loved this. You do not need names beside your characters.... they come through loud and clear. The story flows very well and plays out very vividly, even without descriptions. The ending is a very calm and quiet twist. I read the sentence twice, not believing what was happening myself. I was as surprised as Karen. lol
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Actually I don't think this was confusing in the slightest (just reading your earlier comments). The different 'voices' came through loud and clear ~ particularly since there were only two speakers!
I liked the way the story/mood developed throughout this dialogue, and the end was subtly dramatic.
Nice!
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Thank you very much. I appreciate that you enjoyed it.
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Yes, but you made it very confusing. But this was pretty funny
Could be extended a bit more. And you could be slightly nocer in your replies =]
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nocer?
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haha this is really funny. I love the way you can see who Bob is through just simple statements. Aside from that, I agree with that thought that you should put the names by each side. Or maybe like every couple of statements. I think that maybe putting the name too much will ruin the affect.
great job overall though ! -
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diologue stories don't have names beside the text. thanks for comment.
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Did you have a good day?”
“Yes.”
“Make any money?”
“What do you mean?”
“Rent’s due, Bob.”
“I know that, Karen.”
“Then I ask again, did you make any money today?”
“No.”
“Figures. You never do.”
“Can we just go to sleep?”
“How can I?”
“What do you mean?”
“I have to worry about paying our rent now.”
“Just go to sleep.”
“You sleep on the couch.”
“No.”
“What?”
“You sleep on the couch.”
“How dare you.”
“I’m not sleeping on a couch when I fucking bought this bed. Now go to sleep.”
“Fine!”
“Fine.” 1
Haha this story is halarious!!!!!!!!!!
I love this so much
Bob is crazy haha -
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wow, half story in comment.
thanks.
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hm maybe you should consider putting the name on the left next to the words, it would make the reading muck easier. Bob seems like a psycho! Just like me
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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no, won't put names by text. but thanks for comment.
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