1, 2, 3, shatter1
Breath, breath, breath, choke,2
Rise up to fall down,3
Scattered puddles, dizzy sound,4
Breathe again, calm and burning5
Watch me fall, I'm still not learning,6
Hollow, hollow, hollow, burn,7
Exposed, exposed, exposed, curl,8
Physical fighting, gritted teeth,9
Like paper, torn to shreds,10
Wind, blow me free,11
Ocean, please swallow me,12
Lapping waves, gnaw my flesh,13
Disintegrating, disintegrating, disintegrating, whole,14
Burning, burning, burning, cold.15
Twisting shapes and prickling orbs of green, 16
Moulding, shaping, conforming,17
Contorted to this trapped rock prison,18
Ash of clay,19
No comfort in the icy earth, and the sky too far20
my home21
My home, my home, my home, unreached.
Author notes
Yes, I know the flow is completley out and the rhyhm and everything is wrong, but I LIKE it 
lol. Still, as ever, I'm happy to learn 
please let me know if I can improve anything thanks ^^
The phrase "1, 2, 3, shatter" is not mine, it belongs to Zsadist Gates all credit.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
amazing. my favorite part is the end.
-
This is absolutely gorgeous. I'm loving the repetition. I love the beginning and the end the most. =] Thank you for sharing this with us.
~Alix ♥
-
-
Thanks so much really appreciated ^^ (sorry for the slow reply haven't been to this account for ages)
-
-
Hey twighlight fan I loved it. If you dnt like it then dnt comment on it end of discuision. Hun I lov this poem
-
-
thank u hun, it's alright everyone is entitled to their opinion but thanks very much anyway
-
-
Pretty good poem
Ash of clay,19
No comfort in the icy earth, and the sky too far20
my home21
My home, my home, my home, unreached
Ash of clay, I like that. -
-
Thanks I liked that line too. Thanks for commenting.
-
-
ok
It was good apart from my home
My home, my home, my home, unreached.
Why repeat my home FOUR times?
The start was good but it went down hill.
1, 2, 3, shatter1
Breath, breath, breath, choke,2
Rise up to fall down,3
Scattered puddles, dizzy sound,4
Breathe again, calm and burning5
Watch me fall, I'm still not learning,6
was probably the best part and well even that part wasn't amazing/
-
-
Eh
it got the feeling out, but poetry isn't my strong point, I generally stick to stories.. My home is repeated four times because a new stanza is supposed to begin after the first, but SW won't let me put that in so... yeah. Thanks for the comment.
-
-
Oh, it was great! It painted a picture in my mind. The background kind of creeped me out though. lol!
-
-
thanks so much, I'm so glad you liked it.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
