Without a doubt, the most important thing in my life is my children, I have one son, two daughters and one small granddaughter, they are like the air that I breath, I love them with all my heart.
A contest entry
- One important sentence by TNTrouble.
4750 points, ended January 23, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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thats good. everyone needs someone in there life. my neices and nephew are my little important people i adore them.
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amazing, beautiful. Children are a gift, and a lot of people dont understand that. Congratulations!
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You really caught everything important to you and made it into one beautiful sentence.
I really loved it, and thought it was very sweet.
Great job!!!beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Aw, this one was sweet. I can totally imagine my mom saying this.
Sad to know though, that a lot of the parents I know wouldn't consider their kids their top priority...sad world.
Great entry.
- HT -
aww how sweet, family is so important, even though you sometimes have disagremments. great write well done
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There can never be truer words said.
Being a doting grandparent myself I echo the feelings and sentiments portrayed in this one sentence. Family should always take priority over material things in life. Money and belongings can be regained when lost, family cannot.
I did notice a mixing of singular/plural in the sentence:
'the most important thing in my life is my children'
Maybe this should read .....thing(s) in my life (are) my children
OR
....thing in my life is my (family)
One long sentence making one big statement.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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That is a very sweet sentence. You're right: family is the most important thing.
I love my family, too. "They are like the air I breathe," is a great simile for this subject. I love it. (Minor misspelling: 'breath' is noun, while 'breathe' is a verb. "I breath them" doesn't make any sense, while "I breathe them" does.)
I'd just like to point out that although this sentence is great, it is a bit drawn-out. While I understand that this is for a one-sentence contest, this is a run-on sentence, and grammatically would be better off split into two or even three sentences. However... since it IS a one-sentence contest, maybe there are a few things you could do:
-- instead of using commas, use conjunctions (but not too many) to make the sentence not as run-on-ish. For example, you could put one here:
"... granddaughter, AND they..."
And/or here:
"... that I breathe, and I love..."
-- use a hyphen. It's a poor excuse for a period, which should REALLY go in the example, but I'm trying to get this as one sentence.
Example: "Without a doubt, the most important thing in my life is my children--I have..."
-- you could definitely put in some semicolons. These are used for separating independent phrases in the same sentence. They aren't to be used too often, but in this sentence you can use them. You could put one here (omitting the previous correction):
"... granddaughter; they are..."
With some of the corrections from above, your sentence would look like this:
"Without a doubt, the most important thing in my life is my children--I have one son, two daughters, and one small granddaughter, and they are like the air that I breathe; I love them with all my heart."
Read your sentence out loud. If you have to take a break in between phrases, you definitely need a comma or semicolon!
Other than that, I really enjoyed this sentence, which really hits home because I love my family as well. It's a great sentence.
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Well, this contest bring similar enteries but still your entry is sweet. Honorable Winner.....you care and love all of them...makes you special. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
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This is a really sweet sentence, family is the most important thing after all. You made sense even in this short piece, inspiring thoughts.
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