How do I get myself into these situations?! 1
"Excuse me?" I call through the small opening between the bars. "But I believe I get one phone call?" 2
The police officer looked up from his desk at me. "Really? Are you sure?" He turned to the other officer, the one who had arrested me. "Is she right? Does she get one phone call?" 3
The other officer shrugged. "I'm not sure, but I can find out." 4
They both look at each other, then at me, and start to laugh. "Oh, funny," I whisper. "Ha-fucking-larious." I turn away, walk back over to the bench and lean against the wall. 5
This is just great! Lovely! Dandy! Aw, man, I am sooooo screwed!!! 6
Maybe I should start from the beginning, and you'll see what I mean. 7
*******8
"Hi, Mark!" 9
Mark Brody turned to look at me. "Oh, hi," he replied with a smile. 10
"How ya doin'?" 11
"Good…you?" 12
"I have a three day shore leave," I replied as I did a little celebration dance. "Gonna hit the town, do some shopping, and bum around." 13
Mark smiled as I danced around him. "Well, hope you have fun. Uh, could you stand still? You're making me dizzy." 14
"Sorry," I replied as I stopped moving. "This is the first time that I get more than one day in this city, and I want to see everything!!" 15
I smiled as Lucas Sutherland arrived. "Hi!" 16
Lucas smiled at us, then nodded towards me. "She do her 'I got three days free dance' yet?" 17
"Just finished it," Mark replied. 18
"Oh, you guys are no fun. I'm outta here." I waved over my shoulder at them, then continued to the dock. 19
****20
I approached the front gate to the naval yards, clutching my precious three-day pass close to me. I showed my identification at the gate, and signed out. 21
The guard looked at my ID, then compared the signatures. "Ensign Leanna Sanderson," he said with a nod. 22
I took my ID back, and off I went to explore the city. 23
****24
Everything was going great…I went to the zoo…a few museums…and blew a bundle on an outfit that I would probably never even get to wear on the ship. The day, and my weekend was going perfectly. 25
And then...I saw it. 26
I took a bite out of my ice cream cone, and glanced at the window display as I passed a collectibles store. Hey! That's an Abbott and Costello movie! Miguel would love that! I grabbed the money I had left, counted it, and decided that I would get the movie for Miguel. I wasn't sure if he already had a copy of it or not, but what the heck…anything for that sweet hunk-o-man! 27
Now, don't get me wrong, I am no more interested in Miguel than I am in any of the other guys that I work with. He is merely a friend…who happens to have a great bod, and looks ever so nice in tight jeans! And those eyes? Whew! I could get lost looking into them, I mean…Oooopps…getting off topic here, aren't I. 28
Sorry. 29
As I opened the door to walk in, a young man banged into me in a hurry to get out. Damn near knocked me to the ground! 30
"Excuse me," he apologized as he grabbed my arm to steady me. 31
"That's okay," I assured him. I smiled as he walked away, then I entered the store. 32
I looked around for a few minutes. It was a rather interesting store. They had all sorts of memorabilia from around the middle of last century…and a few things from the first part of this one. 33
I grabbed the movie case, brought it to the counter, and paid for it. I'm not sure what really happened next…I'm still trying to sort that out in my mind. 34
As I walked out of the store, the same guy banged into me. This sure is a busy area I thought as he ran away. I turned to walk away, and stepped right in front of two guys who were running. 35
My packages flew everywhere! The outfit that I bought earlier ended up in the street, and I closed my eyes as a bus ran over the bag. Geeze!!!! 36
It was then that I noticed the badges on the other's jacket. I kept my hands where they were. "Officer," I began. "My name is Leanna Sanderson. I am an Ensign with the Navy." 37
The officer held out his hand. "ID please…slowly." 38
I reached down with one hand and felt my coat pocket. Then, I checked the other pocket. I could feel myself starting to panic as I quickly checked all of my pockets. 39
Suddenly, it hit me! That man! The one who bumped into me! It had to be! "Uh…this guy bumped into me when I entered the store, and…" I paused slightly. Hell, I know what happened, and even I wasn't believing my excuse. "The guy bumped into me, and he must have taken my identification." 40
The officers asked me to go back into the store. They entered, took one look around, and motioned for me to put my hands on the counter. "You're under arrest." 41
I stared at him. Huh!? "Why?" 42
He held up the movie. "Receiving stolen goods." 43
Oh, lovely. 44
****45
So, that's what happened. The memorabilia place was selling stolen goods, the man who banged into me twice turned out to be the guy who supplied the store with the merchandise. The police were after him, and think that I stepped in front of them on purpose! Either that, or they’re pissed that I screwed up a possible arrest, so they busted me instead. With no ID, I can't prove who I am, and these keystone cops don't wanna listen to me! I've been protesting my innocence since I got slapped in handcuffs!!! 46
"How about that phone call?" 47
"Still looking that information up," the officer says, and doesn't bother to take his nose out of the book he's reading. 48
My only hope is that my friends will find me when I don't make it back from leave…in two more days…..GOD! This is like soooo illegal!!!! But, I don't want to make a fuss…then I might end up in prison the way my luck is heading. Then again, if I don't make it back to the ship, I'll be AWOL…..ugh! I hate shore leave! 49
Sigh....Mother always warned me that there would be days like these. 50
~51
The End52
Author notes
Just something I thought up tonight.
In a list
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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VERRY NICE ME LIKE ALOT LOL AND ITS FUNNY
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Brain matter working in full form,no worries there. Good story.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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also it should have an ending.
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Man. your good. I wish my stories would come out like that. I'm starting mine. I'm one chapter 2 now. Maybe I'll post it today and you tell me how it is so far.
Always
Hayde -
I like it ^^
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I like the voice in this story. I think that the plot could use some tuning though.
Technical issues follow.
Does she have to have papers for shore leave because she's so low ranking? I don't think I ever had to have papers for liberty (or, as you called it, shore leave) except at a training command like Great Lakes Training Center, Illinois. She might have a card stating her duty section that she would have to show to prove that she's not on duty before she leaves the ship, but at the gates of the most bases they don't really check that sort of thing. Especially on larger bases.
I'm curious whether Mark and Lucas are from her same ship. They seem like they might be, so the fact that Mark has to be told that she has shore leave makes me think that she just got to the city, and the boat by extension, and maybe she could get any time off the first couple of weeks. You might want to be more explicit about that.
You state that she "approached the front gate to the naval yards," which makes me think that her ship is docked for long term repairs. Otherwise she would probably be on a regular naval base or a naval air base. I just realized I'm assuming she's in the US Navy, and if she's not then some of my information may be inaccurate. Security would probably be tighter, though, at a naval yards, especially if they do work on nuclear-powered crafts there. What details you give of the base make it seem that this is a domestic port, not a foreign one. The 'oh-shit' factor might be higher if it were a foreign port (it could still be a port in another English speaking country), as she'd have to deal with a foreign country's law.
End technical issues.
I have to say that the story seems kind of flat, though. It feels like it's missing something. For one thing, you don't really give us any moments of crisis in the flashback. Part of the problem is that the way you advance the story there doesn't leave room for much drama because the girl goes from being ok to being helplessly up to her neck in shit. I think it is easier to involve the reader when you present a character with a problem that they are capable of navigating, or seem to be capable of navigating at least. Perhaps if she actually began to convince the police officer, and asked him to come inside with her to show him that she'd been shopping and had nothing to do with the guy running down the street. I'll leave that to you, at any rate. I just figured I'd give a suggestion.
The other thing that I think makes your story flat is that when you come back at the end of the story to the moment where you started the story, in jail, there's nothing new to reveal. There isn't really any aha! moment, nor do you advance the story further from there. I feel like something extra needs to happen there, rather than it being something like a summary of her situation. I think most of what you're telling us there are things we could have figured out on our own. Perhaps if a new officer came in who used to be in the navy, and he helps her out. That's actually not a good solution because it's too deux ex machina, but something should happen. The impotence of your main character throughout this story, and the way things just happen *to* her, is kind of a problem dramatically.
Anyway, I hope this helps. I'm contributing to my carpel tunnel for your benefit, I'll have you know.
Mik -
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Cool. Thanks for the long comment and excellent suggestions
I admit I know nothing about the navy, etc.... and every little bit helps. This was supposed to be a part of a small series..each one centering on 'shore leave' for about five other characters... then my computer went on me, and I lost the rest. Excuses, I know, but... 
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That would make you the only person in the history of the Navy who ever got arrested on shore leave while being entirely sober. *laughs*
A nice read, if a bit anti-climatic. You have a fun way of writing, and I like your style.
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Where Does This Go?
My definition of a Short Story:
One Major character...(you got it!)
One Major POV (usually that of the major character...again...you got it!)
One Major conflict...that RESIDES WITHIN the major character...NOWHERE ELSE!
One Major THEME! (Oh, oh!)
One Major Symbol (?)
Struggle within the character...between the two sides of the conflict! (oh, oh!)
Epiphany...(Moment of truth)...Resolution...Moral...THEME!
CURTAIN. End of story!
So, Barbara...what seems to be missing here?
GA...I hope this is of some help.
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That's what makes the world of writing so nice... everyone has a different concept of what make a story.
For me, to have everything wrapped up nicely seems to cheats the reader at times. Television and the 1/2 hour sitcom have ruined people who want things resolved before the closing credits.
I thank you for your critique and opinions, although I may not share them... although, if I did, then reading would be dull in that everything would eventually be a carbon copy of everything else... and no one wants that!
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Barbara,
The wisest thing that I have heard concerning short stories is that the main thing a short story has to be is entertaining. It doesn't have to have a satisfactory denouement, true, nor does it have to have a tell-tale heart or a scarlet letter or a birth-mark. The best thing you do in this story to make it entertaining is to relate the narrator's likes and desires, and you give her a voice. I would say that the above critique was a bit formulaic. I wouldn't demand that you wrap the story up, persay, but I think you could make what you do have more dynamic and more dramatic.
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Oooh Barbara!
*huggles the Navy* My daddy just retired from the Navy!!
*is a navy brat*
I loved this as well, it WOULD be great to know what happens next.
Even if you DID write this so long ago.
You're a very good writer...
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Can Relate
I was in the Navy eight years and your story brought back memories. I wished some of my shore leaves had only been like your character's.
It would be great to hear what happens next.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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That was cool. I liked what you did with it a lot. Awsome job. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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This was a very cute story. I really liked it. I love Costello.
...I wonder if she ever got her phonecall. -
Quite brilliant
A lighthearted and amusing read, loved the freeflowing way it carries the reader along, moving on to some of you're other short stories.
PS....In the dawn of time Abbot and Costello were two of my favorites.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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That was funny! I mean, I'm glad I've never been in a situation like that but it is still hilarious to read about, especially the way you told it.
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I first posted this a year ago today.....lalalalalalala
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Ms barbara, I enjoyed this, it's fun - it reminded me of my life to date (all my fault) - thank you
- I should add I found these 'other' stories by you by accident (I thought you must have hidden "Walk on the Mountain - Chapter 7" somewhere) - I will read from the bottom while I waiting 
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Good
Great story. I found it very funny and I like the way that you told it. I particularly like the 'I got three days free dance' at the beginning. I sympathise with the character's new outfit getting run over by a bus. You describe a very bad day very well. I enjoyed reading your story - good work
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LooooL this is a really funny story..Things just keep getting worse dont they..why do we laugh at other's misfortunes?? Great story..
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If this ever happened around New York City, then you'd probably be in the slammer with me!
NO WAY I'm gonna hit the Big Apple without ya! 
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eheheh this soooo sounds like something that would happen to you...assuming you were ever in the navy. for some reason i was picturing this going on around New York City
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LOL, thanks! It's a ficticious town, person, ship, etc.....and if I ever write some more of it, they'll be lucky if it's only the knees she kicks
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Hey I read dat whole story. Yup.
I gots one question. Yup. what town dat?
I feel sorry for lady Ensign. Gobbedegoop cops yuck.
Hope she kicks them in the knee when she gets free.
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