1Bored Blue-Veiner 2
Once upon a time in a country far far away….. 3
A white coach zooms along the roadway in a vain attempt to evade a gigantic 16 wheel combo-cruiser. Aboard the coach, the beautiful Princess Lay-her corners a mechanoid R2P2 and enters into the memory-banks the screenplay of the notorious ‘Fivestar’, a six-way combo movie that will make all other porn movies obsolete at a stroke. The plucky little robot, accompanied by dim but well-formed chatty robot 333DD Oh! secrete themselves in a luggage locker. 4
The coach is brought to a halt and the gallant condom fighters attempt to stave off the advance of the evil armour-clad porn-droopers. A tall, black-leather clad figure in a restrictive mask and cloak strides into the battered coach. 5
“I am on a diplomatic mission to Eatyourbran, Bored blue-veiner, you won’t get away with this! Protests Princess lay-her 6
‘Don’t be so sure’ Veiner says through his restraint mask, ‘Where are the plans for the ‘Five-star?’ 7
‘Take her to the cruiser’ veiner orders. 8
Meanwhile, the gallant robots have jettisoned themselves from the luggage hold and have found themselves in the county of tart-u-been, a backwards place far off the beaten path. 9
Having been captured by locals, the two are sold to an innocent young farmboy called Puke Skywanker. Darkness falls and R2P2 attempts to complete his mission. 10
Finding R2P2 gone Puke mutters ‘I wonder if he meant Oh Bend’ and sets off in hot pursuit. Puke catches up with R2P2 but is waylaid by a group of gap-toothed banjoists intent on porcine activities. A weird noise is heard and the banjoists are driven off. A robed figure descends the hillside…… 11
‘Oh Ben dover-and-show-me, I haven’t heard that name in a long, long time, no, he’s not dead, young Puke’…… 12
Arriving back at the farm, Puke finds that his Uncle and Aunt are compromised and determines to accompany Oh Bend-over to ‘Eatyourbran’ and exact revenge. 13
Travelling to a small bus statin they enlist the help of a well-known rogue who is one step ahead of a villain called Jabber the Smut. 14
Hand Solo and his very hairy friend Huge Whacker take off in the souped-up VW camper van and head for Eatyourbran only to fond the town has been corrupted by 15
the fully filmed ‘Five-star’. 16
The ‘FiveStar’ neon display draws the hapless adventurers in and they hide in a wheel-storage compartment to avoid capture. 17
Finding Princess Lay-her in a locked toilet the brave adventurers attempt an escape, with Oh Bend pulling the fuse from the neon display. 18
On the way back to the camper van Bend encounters Bored Blue-Veiner and both men whip out and flash their pork swords. After a dazzling display of flashing swipes Oh Bend is whipped with Bored’s bright weapon. 19
Escaping in the camper-van the condom rebels escape to a rebel stronghold but the combo-cruiser draws ever near. 20
‘An anal-ysis of the ‘Five-star’ has shown a weakness, if we can drop a log into this exhaust pipe, the engine will overload and the cruiser will implode’ says the general of the rebels. 21
After a fiery battle when Puke is nearly caught with his trousers down, Hand Solo comes swooping in and provides a modesty screen for Luke to use force to place the log in place. 22
As the scene closes Puke gets a thought message from Oh Bendover ‘Puke, you must go to Leg-ovar and find Front Loader to complete your training….’ 23
See more episodes of Porn-Wars! 24
Find out how Analsin Skywanker becomes the evil Bored Blue-Veiner, how Nobber Frot is cloned to make porn-troopers, how Prodme I’madalek becomes Puke’s mother and how Can’t-get-it-in trained Oh Bendover to be a Jaded knight!25
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