adam - before i die

I leant back in the seat, and shut my eyes. The train moved on, but I felt stuck. Stuck in the same place I’ll always be. In my head, remembering her, holding on to the memories. I’ll hold them forever, but already her face is blurred round the edges, her face less definite than it was yesterday. ...she smiles, and her lips find mine. The kiss is urgent, and sudden... My lips twitch, but I don’t manage a smile. I haven’t smiled since...since she died. Oh my god. It’s so real. I said it. It’s happening – no, it’s happened. She’s gone. I’ll never she her face again, never hold her hands, or simply hug her until the night is through, I’ll never hear her laugh. Tears slip down my cheeks, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Why? Why had this happened? ...she gets up, suddenly and marches off. “I didn’t mean it!”... I shake my head. It was true. I didn’t mean it. ...”I love you.” She looked startled. Did she mean it? I smile, and tell her I love her, too. She put her finger on my lips, “only say it if you mean it.”... I meant it then, and I still mean it now. I loved her from the minute she came over to burn her things, until the moment when she finally gave up. And gave in to the cancer. No, she didn’t give in. She was always fighting. But... I opened my eyes, and look out the window. I’m still the same person I was. But, now, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Tess taught me so much. She taught me to be more than just Adam. But it ended, and now I’m stuck. With nowhere to go. I’m alone.