It was very late at night. I got up from the chair as my computer buzzed its self to sleep. I stripped down to my underwear and got under the blankets of my soft and luxurious bed to keep my self warm. I turned over and over trying to find a comfortable position but sleep just wouldn't come to me. I got up slowly. As I walked to the bathroom, I made sure that everything was ready for tomorrow's guest. Some woman called Cecilia and her partner Philip were coming down to my appartment in New York City. It sounded like they needed to find somebody and wanted to use as much authority as I have being a lawyer.1
I turned the hot water knobs and let my skin saturate the warmth. I felt so relaxed that nothing could get me out of here for years. Off course I had to sleep. After I dried myself, I gulped down a sleeping pill and hurried back to bed. I feel into an uneasy sleep having a horrifying dream.2
I was walking on a narrow dirt road through a forest. The trees were shimering with a mysterious green light as they swayed in the breeze. A great rock came into my view. As I was walking near it, I heard voices coming from somewhere near. I hid behind the rock3
so not to be accused of spying. I tried to drown the voices out of my head but the conversation was too interesting to ignore.4
"I told you he's hiding somewhere here," said a threatening female voice.5
"Alright. Maybe so." came someone's reply. The couple moved closer to my hiding place. I had to hold my breath so I wouldn't be discovered.6
"That coward!"7
"It's all your fault he saw us coming. He would be dead by now if you would have just listened to me. If we're late, and the prophacy is full filled, it's the end of us." Was I about to witness a murdder, surely not. The male said that their victim is hiding.8
"Wait," the woman warned. "I smell a human near by." My heart nearly stopped. If they find me, I'll probably be dead if they're already willing to kill. I felt the hair in the back of my neck stand up as a sudden shudder went through me at that thought.9
"There are a lot of hunters' scents. This is a the season when they hunt dear. Let's get out of here and keep your mouth shut. I'm not going to be slowed down by you any more." The woman made a sound indicating that she wanted to argue but stopped as she thought better of it. I finally deared to breathe as I heard their footsteps growing silent.10
I woke up panting. Apperantly I was holding my breath in my sleep. I was swetting. Some dream this was! I was still dark outside. I groaned. The sleeping pills haven't worked.11
"Boom!" There was an ear piercing noice outside like a gun shot. I quickly dressed appropriately enough to go outdoors. I decended the stairs all the way from the temth floor. 12
The street was bare. I walked behind the corner of the building where the dumpster was standing.13
There lay some kind of animal. I walked close to see it properly. It was a grey wolf. How could there be wolves in New York? Everything happened in a moment and I didn't even have time to breathe. The creature opened its blood red eyes and bit my leg.14
I screamed out in pain. I could feel nothing but the throbing in my foot that was finding its way up through my whole body. I was blinded and then fell unconsious to the cold, wet ground.15
Something was warm against my shoulder and I knew it was time to get up. The memory hit me like thunder. I realized that I was sleeping on the moist pavement. I looked at my leg but it looked normal like it always had. I thought that maybe that was the part that I dremt. But it wasn't because right there next to me lay a dead body. It wasn't of a wolf though. It was of a young boy. maybe 15 years old. His skin was as cold as ice. I should report this to the police.16
Back in my appartment I took a quick shower, changed into a yellow dress and was about to pick up the phone to dial 911 when there was a knock on the door. A letter was slipped under my door. It was an envelope with no return address. I opened it. an eligant scriptwas written on an old, faded parchment paper. The letter read:17
The king of the wearwolves will be born.18
As he reaches a mature age, a prophacy will be fullfilled.19
The first person he is to bite, will have 20
the abbility to rid us of vampires once and for all!21
I folded the letter and put it back in the envalope. Who could have given me such a letter. I don't even know what it means. I called the front desk in the lobby. "We haven't recieved any letter for you ma'am" was the answer. As I slammed the phone back, feeling frustrated, an involuntary growl came out of my throat. I was allarmed. I hurried to the bathroom looking in the mirrior. I looked at myself. Nothing seems to be different. I tried again to immitate what had happened. There it was again. now it came out fiercer as my lips curled over my my mouth showing a set of razor sharp teeth. Understanding struck me. Ws I a wearwolf? That's what the note said.22
I jumped as the doorbell rang again. Quickly recovering, I opened the door.23
"We had an appoitment today," said a somehow familiar voice. There stood a man and a woman in black outfits.24
"Oh, right," I said. I showed them to the living room and we sat down in the mahoghany chairs next to a wall of windows overlooking the park.25
"We're searching for this person and we thought that you could help," said the woman. I suddenly realized where I heard that voice before. It was the man and woman in my dream. Another involentary growl ripped through my lips. The man answered in a deeper growl to my astonishment. I sensed danger comming and before they could make the first move, I crossed the room in 3 strides and slammed into the glass of the window. They were at the window already but I was well out of reach falling from a 10 story building...26
A contest entry
- January New Members Contest by SW Greeters.
175 points, ended February 7, 46 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please critique this story. If you like it or not and what I can fix.
Comments
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Hi!
Vampires versus the werewolves, I guess that the human boy was an unimportant casualty. This story has much potential, but I feel that it needs some fleshing out and editing.
p2 I (fell) into an uneasy
p8 witness a (murder)
p11 (sweating)
p12 piercing (noise)
p12 (descended) (tenth)
Thanks for entering the New Members contest. Welcome to Storywrite
. Let us know if we may be of assistance.
Andy, greeter


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Wondeful. I really enjoyed this peice. Beautiful work.
Well Done! -
Hello Liza and welcome to Storywrite
.
It looks as if you have a very interesting plot, with some colorful characters peopling these scenes. Werewolves are the rage again so you might find a home for your tale when you complete it. Do you plan writing a novel?
You apparently have a talent for storytelling that you should develop. Of course you will need to do some extensive editing before you can offer this piece for publication.
I don’t normally edit work until I get to know the author. Since I have always figured it can be a dicey thing
.
Some things I found in beginning will show you how much work you require.
I stripped down to my underwear and got under the blankets of my soft and luxurious bed to keep my self (myself) warm. Some woman called Cecilia and her partner Philip were coming down to my appartment apartment) in New York City. It sounded like they needed to find somebody and wanted to use as much authority as I have being a lawyer.1
You could try this--It sounded like they needed to find somebody and wanted (me) to use as much authority as I (could). I was a lawyer.
I turned the hot water knobs and let my skin saturate (absorb) the warmth.. I feel (fell) into an uneasy sleep (and had) having a horrifying dream.
The trees were shimering (shimmering) with a mysterious green light
we're late, and the prophacy (prophecy) is full filled, it's the end of us." Was I about to witness a murdder,(murder) surely not.
There are a number more misspelled words.
The plot is good and the pace brisk which holds the reader’s attention.
Good luck in the contest.
Geri


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Nice! I really like this story! I think that you worked hard on this piece, and I'm glad. Yes, some spelling errors, but you grow when you're on this site, so by the time you come on here daily, you'll be a writing wizard! Good job, and welcome to storywrite.




