It Hurts When You When I Cry About You

Bright light. I wake up and see white...this room is so white and I hate it. I want to rip everything and make it dark and pretty again. Why can't you be pretty black? I love white, but this is too much. Then I see faces. So many at once. My eyes have to flutter a bunch. Kathy, Ryan, Jacob, Jesse? Err, this is odd. Why are Jesse and Kathy here? Better yet, could they tell me where the fuck I am?1

My lips won't move. It's like they're glued shut. I want to cry, because no matter how much I try they won't. Kathy frowns at me. She knows what is wrong instantly. Jesse tilts his head, and Jacob's smiling. He says something to Ryan about me being awake. Ryan's face is smiling too, but his eyes are holding fear. He is scared for me. I grab my throat and try to make whining noises. Scratchy sounds are produced in my throat. "Does it hurt?" He asks, getting the water for me. I nod. What did they do to me? I want to say something, but I can't. I try to lip sync. 'What did they do to me? Where am I? How long have I been out! I'm sorry!' I cry even more to the last part. Two people hug me. Kathy and Ryan, no doubt, trying to make me understand I was okay. 2

Jesse and Jacob step over to the side, talking. They know something I don't, I assume. Kathy and Ryan were most likely the candidates to speak up. "Kayla, you were out for a day. The doctors are severely pissed that you were marching. So are we..." Although both giggled, "But, you're really sick. There's the chance of homeschooling..." 3

NO. I wanted to scream that word. I cried, staring again at Jacob and Jesse. Jacob saw me stare. He winked, smiling and waving. I wanted to gasp. "Kayla, are you okay?" Ryan asked me, holding my hand. I cried more. I worded the word 'no'. He stared down at me. Kathy was frowning so much. Jacob was smiling in the corner. I wish he wouldn't. It makes the tears fall more. Steady falling, a beat almost. As pain resonates on my chest from breathing in the mucus, I focus on trying to piece everything together.4

So now, I was going to have to finish sophomore year at home? No band? No choir? No Jacob? I could not think of life without him. He had made my life the reason worth living, technically. He may have made life hell, but it was still what made my life...life. I may have been with Ryan for four months, but Jacob was the inspiration. Jacob was the reason I even met him. So...now it was over? I was just left here, to never see Jacob again? After all, he was graduating this year, and he was going to boot camp in August. This wasn't good at all.5

"Jacob..." My throat hurt to say it. In fact, his name sounded dry and cracked. I tainted it with my voice. Disgraced feeling, I closed my mouth and turned my body away from the corner he was standing in. Ryan still held me, to my surprise. He knew what was wrong. He knew my pain, while Kathy stood confused, alongside Jesse. They left the room with a "We'll let you be", and I wiped my eyes. Jacob walked over to where I was staring. He bent his head to my eye level and stared at me. 6

I never wanted to welcome those eyes, in the four months I have been with Ryan. But now, I welcomed them. My tear-stained eyes watched his breath-taking green eyes. Black to green. The gaze shifted up to Ryan. It was to get permission to even touch me. Ryan nodded and Jacob wiped my face with his warm hands. His arms embraced my fragile body- the ugly shell. Ryan let go suddenly. He left me. My comfort zone was gone. He strode across the room to the door, and walked out. I could hear him talking to Kathy. I could hear Tess now too. A soft whisper to him, a conversation voice to me. 7

Now I was all alone with the man that kidnapped me a month ago. The man I so loved for four years, yet got nothing out of it. Alone again. In his eyes, it was probably at last. His eyes longingly stared into mine, my mind wondering what was next. His emerald orbs made everything dizzy; it was hard to concentrate. He smiled to me. All I could do was frown. 8

"Kayla..." His voice was tremulous. 9

There was no need to speak after what he did next...