White Walls

There once was a girl.  She had no name, no one even bothered to name her.  She didn’t even name herself.  That was the biggest mistake of her life.  When she looks back on it now, she wished that she had.  No one ask her to go to bed before nine, or to take a shower.  They wouldn’t let her, never.  1

Now she sits alone.  Curled up into her little ball. ‘What am I doing? Just why am I here?’ she thinks silently to herself.  But she knows the reason.  The doctors know why, but they want her to find it.  They’ll never make she see for herself the reasons why they think she’s suicidal.  They’ll make her say one, but that’s just one minor reason.  With the others, they may know, but never admit. 2

She cries now.  They see here, but do nothing. They don’t see that part of it is their fault.  Doctors are liars. They lie to you.  Say that you’re better, when the rest of the world, including you, knows that you’re not.  3

White walls, her enclosure.  She is trapped.  She looks around.  Sees her white walls, wishes that they were red.  Sees the made bed, easy for her.  She knows things that they don’t, that’s why she’s there.4

She is like this but of the people who ‘help.’  People may try to help you, but in a sense, they are making you worse.  Since she was born, she had been treated like scum.  No one loves her.  Now she’s like this because of it.  Now they’ve seen how cruel human beings truly are.  Through out human history, there has been violence and killings, self killings and other killings.  But death through it all.  5

They bring in food for her.  They’ve forgotten the white walls.  They’ve forgotten how much she wants them red.  They’ve made a mistake; they’ve brought a knife and fork.  They didn’t know what she had been planning whilst she sat there alone, crying and thinking of death.6

She got up.  ‘Why is she getting up?’ they thought ‘why is she moving toward as with the smile?’  She was just smiling away while approaching them.  She reached her hand out.  She grabbed the knife in one hand.  She grabbed the fork in the other.  She moved forward toward them, still smiling.  Her smile faded.  ‘This is for my worthless life,’ she thought as she stabbed the first one to death with the knife. The doctors screamed.  ‘This is for my scared heart and what you did to me,’ she thought she stabbed the second with the forks.  ‘This is for my white walled prison,’ she thought as the clawed the third and final doctor to death.  7

Happiness does come, but it doesn’t stay.  That was how it was for the girl.  Her walls were red now, but she was still there and still suicidal.  She thinks t herself things that would scare parental minds.  She wants to die now.8

They brought in food for her again, this time they had a gun for protection.  She got up and smiled at them.  They were confused.  ‘Is she going to kills us too?’ they thought.  She took the tray, and secretly, a gun.  ‘Thank you,’ she thought, ‘for giving me a chance to end it.’  9

After they left, she raised the gun to her head.  She thought of her life.  She thought of how people abused her and how she had abused herself.  ‘All the more reason to,’ she thought.  She pulls the trigger.  The blast was the last sound that she heard.  She fell to her death.10