The Kraven Kraft : Book 2 Last chapter

"Keep going!" Andrew screamed at Pheobe. But she tripped and fell face first into the concrete. Blood gushed from her cuts and wounds. Sabrina yelled as one of Morgan's henchmen lunged for her and took her down to the ground.1

Marilyn gripped the handle of her sword and swung with all her might. His head fell to the ground with a thud. Pheobe held up her sword and Morgan charged.2

"Give up Pheobe. They'll all die." With her long flowing blonde hair Morgan looked more like a vision of the greek goddess of love and beauty, Aphrodite. She was a good fighter. Morgan knocked the flat side of her handled sword against Pheobe's head.3

Her own weapon clattered to the ground and she was left helpless. Pheobe looked up at Morgan, who brought her sword up over her head. In one last attempt to cover herself Pheobe brought her arms up to shield the blow. 4

Seconds ticked by. Pheobe's eyes closed, Marilyn, Sabrina, and Adam all gasped. Warm, wet, liquid dropped onto Pheobe's arm. She slowly opened her eyes to see the sharp point of Morgan's sword staring at her.5

"Idiot," Morgan said pulling her sword back swiftly.6

"No," Pheobe choked. Andrew collapsed against the cold hard floor.7

"Too bad," Morgan sniffed. Pheobe reared up and slugged the beautiful girl in the face. Morgan dropped her sword as Pheobe knocked her to the ground and punched her again. But that was the last punch she got in before Morgan sunk into the ground disappearing. 8

Adam checked Andrews rist then looked up. Everything in his eyes said it all. It was too late. Pheobe's twin was dead. And the trouble was Pheobe hadn't even felt it. She'd felt everything from a punch to his gut, to a pinch on his arm. But when a sword ran him through stealing his life. She felt nothing.9

"It doesn't matter now anyway," Pheobe was cold and numb. She started back for the long narrow brick staircase that would lead them to the hall of mirrors. Then back to the headmasters office.10

The cab dropped the sad girl off at a deserted farm. One light was still on in the living room. The warm summer air hit Pheobe as she stepped out and paid the man. 11

When she opened the door and saw her father sitting on the couch watching T.V. she nearly lost it then. But to put strength into her face she looked away from him.12

But he stood up and stopped her from running away to her room.13

"Hey, hon. Where's your brother. Is he still outside? I'll go help him bring the bags in."14

"No," she stopped him from going outside with one word. It didn't crack or reveal any emotion. The next sentence she said burned in her throat. It was the worst thing she's ever said. Worse than any cuss word. And the fact was that it was true.15

"Dad," she whispered. "Andrew is not outside."16

"Then where is he?"17

"Gone. Dad, Andrew is dead. He died because of me. I killed my own brother. And there is nothing left to do about it."

A contest entry

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Comments

  • Your story was good but I believe more detail could have made it better. You're spelling was excellent, save for paragraph 9, when you had written 'rist' instead of wrist. >smiles<

    Thanks for entering and good luck.

    -Carina


  • Arcos
    April 5

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    I like it. Short, sweet, and jam-packed with chicks with swords. What's there not to like?

    On a serious note, though, this was good. The fighting was vivid, and even if I'm not familiar with the magic in the story, I still understood what happened quite well. It was simple and entertaining.

    The only trouble I had was trying to figure out who was on what side. Had to re-read the beginning before I understood that Morgan was the bad guy with the Aphrodite look.

    Well done.


  • AshleyAesthetic
    February 10

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    =O Her brothers gone!? This gets a big score for shock factor, I did not expect that. Thats the biggest cliffhanger ending I've seen so far. Thank you so much for your entry =D


  • Fiddlewilly
    January 20

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    very good

    Sabrina yelled as one of Morgan's henchmen lunged for her and took her down to the ground.

    ...Maybe it's just me, but I think this line would be better if you did away with the word "down."

    Sabrina yelled as one of Morgan's henchmen lunged for her and took her to the ground.

    Andrew collapsed against the cold hard floor.

    ...avoid the over-use of adjectives.

    Andrew collapsed against the floor.

    Everything in his eyes said it all.

    ...Again, just a suggestion, I'd shorten this sentence.

    His eyes said it all.

    When she opened the door and saw her father sitting on the couch watching T.V. she nearly lost it then. But to put strength into her face she looked away from him.12

    A lot of "telling" here. better to "show"