Be With Me

The stars shined through the window, dancing circles on my navy blanket. My dimly lit lamp sat next to me, silent and just as lonely. The invitation lay next to me, quietly haunting me. I sighed and glanced out the window. A knock on the door shook me from my trance.1

“Come in,” I said quietly.2

“How are you holding up?” my brother asked, walking inside and closing the door behind him.3

“I’m fine,” I said, turning away from him. “Why does it matter to you?”4

“It doesn’t. Dad told me to come up here and check on you. You’ve been up here by yourself for four hours. He’s a little worried about you,” Gavin said, sitting next to me.5

“No need to worry about me. I can keep it together while dad just sits down there, drinking his life away. Mom’s gone and everyone expects me to fall apart. But I can’t; not with you leaving in a few days and dad downstairs in the state he’s in. What do you want me to do?” I whispered, reaching for my raggedy teddy bear. 6

Gavin stared at me, his piercing blue eyes glistening. I wiped a tear away and took a deep breath. Gavin wore his school uniform, hat included. I gave him a weird look; he normally wore his civilian clothes while at home. I had a hooded sweater on, followed by camouflage pants and my black converse. 7

“What’s with the uniform? Do you have class today?” I asked.8

“No, but I have to go make the arrangements with mom’s superiors, so I figured I might as well look my best. Plus, dad is going with me, so I might get a good letter of recommendation for next week,” he explained.9

“Oh, got it. Can you guys drop me off at Rain’s house? I’m going to stay over there until you go back to school,” I said, stowing my teddy bear into my already packed bag. 10

“Sure, did you ask dad yet?” he said, almost angry.11

“No. Mom and I talked about it before she left and she said if anything ever happened to her, I should get out of the house for a little while. I’ve already called someone to baby sit dad while you’re away at school, until I get home everyday. Or until he goes back to work,” I said.12

“Okay, whatever. You’re acting sorta weird, you know that right?” he said. 13

“No, and it doesn’t matter anyways. Can we just go already?” I said.14

“Yeah, here, let me carry your bag,” he said.15

I pulled down my sweater and stuffed my hands in my pocket. I followed Gavin out of my room and downstairs, my dad waiting for us. He looked sober but looks can be deceiving. He smiled at me and pulled me in for a hug. It was short lived; I jerked away and followed Gavin outside, to the already running car.16

Opening the car door, I jumped to the backseat, grabbing my bag from Gavin. He drove, while dad sat in the passenger seat. After a few miles, we pulled over at Rain’s house. I hoped out of the car, saying goodbye to my dad and brother.17

“Let me know what’s going on,” I said quietly, looking at my dad.18

“It’ll be okay,” he whispered, giving me another hug.19

As the car drove away, I heard the front door open. Rain, followed by her parents, walked out and greeted me. They helped me inside, Rain taking my bag to her room. I went after her and closed the door behind me. She glanced at me, noticing my agitated state.20

“What’s on your mind?” she asked, setting my bag on the spare bed next to hers.21

“It’s nothing. Just thinking about stuff at home,” I said.22

“Oh, well, I’m here for you. Do you want to talk about it?”23

“Would you be mad at me, if I ever did something you didn’t approve of?” I asked.24

“It depends, what is this thing that you did?” she replied, brushing her blond hair out of her face.25

I sighed and looked at her again. I couldn’t tell her, even if I would tell her anything else. Not this one thing. She would hate me for it. 26

“It’s nothing, forget I said anything,” I said. 27

“Oh no. You’ve got my interest now. I want to know what this horrible thing you did is,” she said, grabbing my arm.28

“Oww, let go please,” I yelped.29

She pulled the sleeve back, revealing this morning’s events. I looked away from her and jerked my arm away. Her face contorted into a million different emotions, it was hard to tell what she was feeling. I slid the sleeve down, trying to make her forget what I had done.30

“I’m not mad, if that’s what you’re thinking. I am upset, that you didn’t tell me earlier. I want to know when, why, and what,” she said sternly.31

“You don’t know how if feels. You still have both your parents. She’s my mom and now she’s gone. It’s not like she went out on a six month deployment and will come back any day now. And it’s not like my parents are divorced and I’ll get to see her every other weekend. The only time I get to see her is in my dreams, videos, and pictures. I can’t just pick up the phone and talk to her anytime I want,” I explained, tears coming so easily.32

“But why this? Why did you do this one thing? Why didn’t you call me and talk to me? I hate seeing you hurt so badly. You’re my best friend,” she said.33

“You’re lucky I even came over today. Here, just read this note. It’s too hard for me to explain to you,” I said, handing her a small slip of paper.34

She skimmed it and I watched it fall to the floor. Tears formed in her eyes and I looked away, knowing I had hurt her. If she didn’t yell at me for thinking about it, I’d already beaten myself up for it.35

“I can’t believe you would leave me this note. You wouldn’t just leave me a note, would you?” she asked.36

“I didn’t want to write you a note. It’s hard enough planning this all out. I almost did it this morning. Gavin and dad left me alone for four hours. I could’ve been done in about twenty minutes. I haven’t eaten anything since the other night and I only ate then because everyone else was. I don’t want to be here anymore and I thought that you of all people would understand that,” I explained.37

“Skye, I don’t want you to kill yourself. You are the only friend I’ve got. I don’t want to lose that. If you can’t stay here for you, stay here for me,” she said.38

“Or you could go with me,” I whispered, barely noticeable.39

“What? You can’t be serious,” she said, standing up and pacing in a tight circle.40

“Yes, I am serious. You are more then just a friend to me. I know this is going to sound weird and everything but I like you as more then a friend. I know you don’t like me that way, which is another reason to just get it over with. I know you don’t feel the same way about me,” I said.41

“You never asked me how I felt about you. I don’t really know how to explain myself but I’d like to go with you, if you do go,” she said, reaching out for my hand.42

I looked at her, fear in her eyes. I reached for my bag, pulling out my diary. I opened it to the last page and pulled the two razor blades out, handing one to Rain and keeping the other one. She walked over to the door, clicking the lock into place. 43

“How are we going to do this?” I asked.44

“I don’t know. I thought you had this all planned out,” she whispered, gently touching the end of razor.45

“For myself, I thought you wouldn’t go with me,” I said.46

“Okay. Well, before we do this, let me just say one thing,” she said quietly. “You were more then just a friend to me, you were my sister. I hope that this will make up for all the times I wasn’t there for you and all the times I hurt you.”47

“No need to apologize. I’ve hurt you more times then I can count. Let’s just get this over with,” I said, giving her one last hug.48

She hugged me back and reached out for my wrist. I let her take it. She placed the razor blade on my wrist, firmly pressing down. I yelped and stared at her, feeling the blood already pool around us. I felt her touch bone, which gave me shivers. She dropped the blade and held her hand out for me. She held her wrist down while I gently cut into her. 49

It felt so wrong to hurt her like this, but at the same time, I knew she was happy. A strange look replaced the fear that had just been there moments earlier. I reached for her other wrist and we struggled to copy our actions. Darkness gripped my eyes and cold grasped at my ankles. I moved towards her, hoping to get warm as we cuddled. 50

“I love you,” I whispered, shaking.51

“I’ll never forget you,” she said, looking into my eyes.52

Her face faded into darkness and I felt limp beside her. I struggled to breath and finally relaxed. Happiness engulfed me and I fell asleep into forever.