Satan Ain't Got Nothing on Me! :P

Me: How the f---...1

Satan: Welcome mortal, to the first day of the rest of eternity! MU HA HA HA HA!2

Me: ...Uh, yeah, how did I end up here? I'm the nicest person on Earth you pissy momma's boy!3

Satan: Yeah, nicest person on Earth my big red--4

Me: Dude, not in front of the kids!5

*Stares at a group of demented children made of bone and fire*6

Me: They're so cute! Are they yours?7

Satan: I don't have time for this! Get in your cell!8

Me: Why don't you make me, jackass!9

Satan: Why you little---GO TO HELL!10

Me: We're in Hell, genius! And this place isn't as half as bad as I imagined it! I mean come on, where's the torture? Where are the screams of pain and agony?! A couple of guys over there are playing poker! They sure don't look like damned souls to me! And look at you! You've really let yourself go, you're a planet!11

Satan: *slaps his forehead* Dear God...please, woman, just get in your freakin' cell!12

Me: Oh, so you're begging now?13

Satan: I didn't--14

Me: Poor little Satan can't even order me into a cell. Pssh. Some king of the underworld you are. *bites into an apple*15

Satan: ...King of the underworld? What are you talking about? I'm not king!16

Me: You're not?17

Satan: Nah. I'm the manager. You're here for a job interview. That was a test. 18

Me: ...19

Satan: Yeah, I know. Sucks, doesn't it?20

Me: You mean this whole thing was part of some crappy scheme to get me to buy real-estate?! 21

Satan: What?! No! I never---22

Me: *Snatches his trident, and aims it at his forehead* Die, PUNK!23

*Jerks upright in bed, sweating, the alarm clock blaring in my ears*24

Me: What a weird dream.25

*Turns over and nudges the sleeping form next to me*26

Me: You awake?27

Satan: Uuuu-gah--mmmmhmm.28

Me: GAH! What are you doing in my bed?! Get out of my house!29

Satan: "Your" bed?! "Your" house?! After ALL I do for this family, all you can say is 'mine, mine, mine'! I can't believe I put up with you this long! I quit!30

*Jumps out of the bed wearing a night gown and hair-curlers.*31

Satan: You can cook your own breakfast and raise your own kids! I'm sick of being your insecure wife!32

*Storms away*33

Me: w...t...f. 34

*starts furiously pinching herself*35

Me: I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming.36

Demon: No, you're really here. But you had the ability to go home all along. Just click the heels of your ruby slippers together three times, and say...37

'There's no place like home...'38

Me: *strangle holds him*39

Demon: AHHAHWOGAGGAHHAHGHGHAHUUHHRRRRHGH!40

Me: I'LL SHOW YOU THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE----!41

*wakes up on a cloud, being nudged by an angel*42

Angel: Dude, I said 'next'.43

Me: Huh?44

Angel: You're next into heaven. I'm Pete by the way. "Peter" if you want to be a bit more formal.45

Me: I'm alive?46

Angel: Uhh...no. You fell off a cliff after attacking a manager in a job interview, and strangling your butler.47

Me: Then why am I here?!48

Angel: Because you smell nice. Duh.49

Me: *stares at the camera with an annoyed look as it zeros in on her face*50

The End.51