Veemon was on the floor of the dungeon and couldn't move. "Man. I hate Myotismon" he thought. "Crimson Lightning!" Myotismon yelled whiping Veemon with a red energy blast. It felt as if 1000 whips had hit him in the same spot."Arrrgh" Veemon could feel himself shrinking "Not now. Why do I have to De-Digivolve now?" Veemon asked himself. Veemon had de-Digivolved to DemiVeemon. His horn had retracted into his skull he had shrunk to a midget half his normal size with a head bigger than his body. "Devimon take this piece of filth to a holding cell" Myotismon ordered. Devimon a humanoid black creature with wings and filled with the power of darkness emerged from the corner and hit DemiVeemon in the back of the head knocking him out cold. 1
DemiVeemon woke up in a cell he looked around the walls were made of stone and had no window outside the bars there was an office full of Bakemon. Bakemon were Digimon who look like ghosts that Veemon liked to call "Bakamon" when he fought them. Later that night the Bakemon left and were replaced by Phantomon. Phantomon was a Digimon with a red cape and held a sycthe he called "Shadow Sycthe." DemiVeemon thought he was doomed if he digivolved he could hold off the "Champion" level Bakemon but not Phantomon it was an "Ultimate" level the same as Myotismon. DemiVeemon had fallen asleep shortly after Phantomon had came in and didn't notice no one was guarding him. "Supreme Cannon" yelled A far off voice. DemiVeemon woke with a start wondering whether he dreamed Omnimon's voice. The room was deserted so DemiVeemon decided it was time to escape. "DemiVeemon Digivolve to........Veemon" shouted DemiVeemon and before he knew it he was growing back into Veemon. His horn had grown out of his skull where his nose should be he had grown taller and he had a large "V" across his forehead. Veemon was preparing to Vee Headbutt the wall when he heard a drilling noise from outside "ROCK CRACKIN'" yelled a voice the wall of Veemon's cell crumbled into a pile of rubble just after
Veemon had gotten out. When Veemon looked around he saw one of his friends Digmon. Digmon was an Insect digimon wit drills on each hand and his nose. "Howdy how ya doing Veemon?" asked Digmon "hm let's see I was attacked by Myotismon's Crimson lightning and.." started Veemon. "WHAT Crimson Lightning you should be dead!!" yelled Digmon. "Strange all I did was de-Digivolve." said Veemon. "We'll Figure it out later right now we have to leave. Do you have enough power to Armour Digivolve." asked Digmon "Veemon Armour Digivolve to....... RAIDRAMON The Storm of Friendship" Veemon yelled. Veemon had completely changed he looked like a wolf covered with armour with a lightning bolt shaped blade on his head. "That answer your question" said Raidramon. "Alright let's go" exclaimed Digmon "Going somewhere?" asked a voice. "Phantomon!" exclaimed Raidramon "LIGHTNING BLAST" yelled Raidramon shooting a blast of electricity from his horn at Phantomon. "Raidramon run I'll take care of him" said Digmon "But"
started Raidramon. "I'll be fine just go" said Digmon. Raidramon started running to the Resistance base as fast as he could.
Author notes
Part 2 coming soon maybe
A contest entry
- Fanfiction for the Common Man by XxRaindoshixX.
180 points, ended January 20, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
1
BlackwarGreymon
-
It definitely seems like you know the show well, what with all the names of the Digimon and their attacks and what-not. But I'm afraid that's the only thing I can see from this story. What lacks the most, out of everything that is lacking in this entry, are the descriptions. The who's, what's where's, and why's? Things happen with no explanation, and even the things that are happening are so poorly described that the pace seems nearly non-existent. There is no spacing what-so-ever, the punctuation is either absent or incorrectly used, and the plot is most definitely questionable. I'm sorry I have to be brutal like this, but it is a contest, and I am trying to help. You should rewrite this, and try to pace yourself better; take your time, be descriptive, and all that. Read a few well-written stories to see how yours should flow. That's what I always do when I'm feeling bad about my work. Always look to improve.
With that, I'll now judge this piece:
Creativity: 2
Characterization: 4
Grammar and Style: 1
Total Points: 7
Though the contest is over, message me if you want more advice, or if you rewrite it and want me to read it again. I'll do anything to help -
I wish I understood more than two words of that...
I am so confused!



