At Chesterfield Academy, the girls in uniforms on plaid skirts and sweaters gossiped every day at lunch. "I even heard that Caylynn doesn't even spend an hour on her hair," snickered Gabriella rudely, staring at her who was all alone at another table. She had her hair straight down, which looked quite messy. Caylynn was a tomboy, and only had one true friend. His name was Louis, and he sat by her every day at lunch. 1
"Doesn't she know to sit by girls?" giggled Tess, while eating her vegetable soup. "I guarantee she won't be at the academy ball tonight."2
Meanwhile at Caylynn's table, Louis soon sat down beside her wearing a plaid sweater vest and khaki pants. "Hello, Caylynn," he greeted, smiling politely. He had a cute British accent that made all of the girls love him. "Are you going to the ball tonight?"3
Another thing about Caylynn was that she had braces, and that made people think she was a geek. "No," she stated sadly, eating her warm cheese potato. "I have no one to dance with."4
"Oh, sure you do!" he pointed out. "Me of course!" This made the black haired girl smile.5
"Thank you, Louis!" she thanked, hugging him quickly. "That's so sweet."6
At six thirty that night, all the students of Chesterfield Academy dressed their very best at the ball for their dance partner. Tess danced with Shaun, Courtney (another nasty girl) danced with Zack, and Gabriella danced with Mark. Caylynn stood alone in the corner for an hour, thinking that Louis tricked her. She looked utterly beautiful that night, with her hair straightened, her black with red laces dress, and the glistening moon shining down on her. Tears streamed down her face until Louis finally arrived. He was wearing dress pants, a black jacket, a heart tie, and his curly brown hair all gelled down. "May I take this dance?" he asked her while taking out his hand.7
She had a small grin. "Of course," she accepted, clutching his hand. The two danced on the center floor together, gracefully moving from end to end slowly. 8
"You look really pretty tonight," he complimented, holding her in his arms. "Don't listen to Tess and her friends, just because they were spreading dumb rumors."9
"They're true, though," she sighed. "I've never kissed a boy." 10
Louis pulled her even closer. "Not anymore," he told her, kissing her romantically. The crowd gasped while the two kissed happily on the dance floor, wishing that moment would never end.11
Author notes
I used 9] http://princessrinoa.deviantart.com/art/Princess-of-the-night-48282122
A contest entry
- Pictures by Olinda.
300 points, ended January 29, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Is it good?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is beautiful. The font killed my eyes, but I sat through it. An amazing write, and a brilliant skill of capturing sweet teen love and the meanness of jealous others.
Great job. Thanks
Oli -
So sweet!
I only saw a couple minor things you can look at fixing;
p1 in uniforms on plaid skirts" either in or of in place of on would work better here. (hmmm... did that make sense?)
p6 "she thanked, hugging him quickly" saying "she thanked" right after she said "thank you" is kind of redundant. You could tighten it up by just saying "she hugged him quickly"
p7 "black with red laces" lace doesn't need to be plural here
Otherwise this is a beautiful story that really captured my heart. Nicely done!
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This is very good, in my opinion. Something that most of us here on Storywrite can relate with. Most of us were the odd-ball of the group... not worrying about silly things like hair and where to sit. That's mostly what gives us our voice - experiences like that.
This story can be great as a stand-alone. But you could also take this and explore the characters a little more and see where they end up after school. Either way, great write!
<3
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Heck Yeah!
This story is so good. Is there a sequel to it? Wow, it was beautiful, and it really flowed. The mean characters were extremely horrible to her. I kind of felt a connection with Caylynn because people were making fun of her. The beginning of the story pulled me in automatically. The middle kept me enticed in the story, and the end blew me away! Excellent. -
This is lovely.
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I thinh it is wonderful!
language: 3.
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