Sunny days, eatin’ Lays… Yea that’s right!

Now let me tell you a story. I was at the store one day and I saw this old guy there. He was eating a raspberry sucker like it was just the best sucker ever in the world. He looked so happy and jolly with that thing flavoring his taste buds. I asked him if he really liked that sucker or if he was just having a good day. He looked at me, smiled, then began to talk. This is the story he told: 1

Once upon a time in a little town called Quadazlalahophirrraph, there lived a little girl named Cletis. Cletis was eight. She lived in Quadazlalahophirrraph with her eighty-five year old grandmother and her cousin Roger, who was also eight. She was a very happy girl and her favorite flavor was raspberry…. That’s where the story begins.2

On a cold, rainy, stormy, thundery, lightening, really dark night there was a bang. Oh and this bang was louder than you could ever imagine. It scared Cletis right out of her purple pajamas and she went running over to her old granny’s bedroom. She was like,3

“Granny! I heard a noise!”4

“Oh just shush… there’s nothing out there, Cletis.” Said the old granny, who was really mad from being woken up. 5

“Yes there is, granny!” Shouted little Cletis, scared out of her mind. “There’s somethin’ out there and I know it… you’re just old and you can’t hear it because you’re old. Why don’t you open your ears and listen, granny!”6

“Why, golly, Cletis! I’ve never heard a child so darned rude! I’m gonna have to whoop ya for that!” Said Granny, raging mad. Cletis took off running, down the stairs and out the big, wooden, cracked front door. Then she remembered there was something outside so she ran back inside, up the stairs and into her dimly lit room. 7

“WoOooOOh….” Cletis heard, somewhere from in her closet. 8

“Oh my god… OOOOOH MY GOD…” Said Cletis, her eyes just closed tightly because she was frightened. “Who’s there?”9

“Oh well GEEZE, Cletis, it’s only me… your red-headed cousin Ralph.”10

“Wooh. Ralph. You scared the bageebers outta me…. Don’t ever do that again! Or I’m gonna have to kick ya!”11

“Okay.” Said little innocent Ralph. “I won’t do it again, Sally.”12

“My name is Cletis.” Cletis said with a stern look on her face, standing with her little hands on her little hips. 13

“I wasn’t talking to you.”14

“Well then who the flip were ya talking to?”15

“Duh. Sally.”16

“Who the flip is Sally?”17

“My friend.”18

“Where?” Cletis asked, getting scared out of her purple pajamas again.19

“She’s a ghost!”20

“Oh my god! I’m very scared of ghosts!”21

“Well then you better be nice!” Ralph shouted.22

“Whatever. Nice to you? Yeah.. like that’s gonna happen.” Cletis said in a very snotty voice.23

“Okay.”24

And the ghost popped out, yelled at Cletis, stole all her money (about $2.00) and turned her into a raspberry sucker. Every time Ralph, who’s now 98 and one quarter eats a raspberry sucker, he thinks of Cletis and how she wouldn’t mind, how she wasn’t nice and how he just loves the flavor raspberry.25