From the Heart.... Im confused.....

Im sitting here on an idilic thursday nothing special,1

P'jamas that are about 10 sizes to big thinking about the goings on in my life.2

Room Newly Tidy - Doesnt happen often3

In my nice little shared flat in twickenham with my nan and her pet dog jo-jo.4

Imagination on boiling point,5

I struggle to write anything unique, or remotely interesting but still ill try.6

But how it is, you write whatever you like on paper but whatever you try and say you cock up beyond great expectations never to be redeemed or understood by the person in which your having the conversation with.7

In other words why can you never say what you feel?8

Im speaking from experiance here, but why is it us girls want what we cant have? from my viewpoint: Am I not worthy enough, or are you just a giant spud who can't tell the difference between the good the bad and the ugly?9

I know I may not exactly be the old or most intelligent person but i still have logic, i mean come on, im all for space and time for ourselves but my mates in a relationship and he doesnt even see the poor cow, rather hang out with other girls - alarm bells ringing here - Dump Her!! Did no-one else think that too?10

My friend died a year ago right but i still think that shes alive, may be sad, stupid but i think its true, I still go to see her think about her, but no-one will ever understand how or what i feel about her...11

With lack of thoughts or care in my present statemented mind i sit alone and think of all the cock ups, the failed relationships, the lies, betrayal and i remember.... why actually care about the past at all?12

All it'll do is bite you in the ass at the end of the day anyway, why worry about the small insignificant details of that one night stand, that white lie, that bitchy comment? Because people get hurt.... thats why.... fact of life, life or death..... Get over it..13

This sad, aching pathetic lustful heart drips blood for no-one. These sad weary red puffy scratched up eyes cry no more......14

Be yourself as thats all that matters at the end of the day... we live we die and nothing.... we are the forces of servants higher than he, we must be recognised!!15