The Nutters In "A Touch Of Glass" (Episode 1)

The Nutters1

In "A Touch Of Glass".2

Fred Nutter and his Dad Herbert ran their own business in the building trade. Their works, could, at best be described as "dodgy". They shared a house in Manchester.3

One morning, Fred was sipping his tea from a mug when the doorbell rang. Despite the fact it was now April, 4

the doorbell played the tune of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas". 5

Fred went to answer the door.6

"TV Licence inspector," said the man.7

"We don't have a TV," lied Fred.8

"You've got a satelite dish," the TV Licence Inspector pointed out.9

"I've got two bottles of milk on me doorstep," Fred replied, "But that doesn't mean I've got a cow in my garden."10

With that, he slammed the door and returned to his arm chair.11

"Bloody TV Licence. We'll have to get one you know," Fred said to his father.12

"We've had no business for ages now," Herbert replied sadly, "We can't afford one."13

Fred got up from his chair to gaze out of the window.14

"Something's got to come up," he said sadly.15

"Typical," replied Herbert, "We've no money, and all you can do is talk about sex!"16

"I wasn't," replied Fred angrily, "What I meant when I said 'Somthing's got to come up' was a job is bound to turn up sooner or later. Stop fretting. This rotten nail is still sticking out of the window frame. I'll sort it out."17

Fred went into the kitchen and returned with a hammer. He began banging furiously at the protruding nail. Unfortunately, the hammer flew out of his hand, and through the unopened window, causing the glass to break.18

"That's all we need," muttered Herbert.19

Fred went to the coffee table and picked up the 'phone. He dialled in some numbers.20

"Hello," he said finally, "Is that the glaziers?"21

"Yes indeed," replied a voice, "A Touch Of Glass Glaziers at your service."22

"Look, I've smashed a window," said Herbert impatiently.23

"We have just what you need," replied the voice.24

"Oh, good," Fred muttered under his breath, "I wasn't sure if you sold cardboard."25

"Pardon?" enquired the voice.26

"Oh nothing," Fred said, "Just have the glass sent to 17 Eagle Drive...."27

When the call had finally finished, Herbert said in bemusement, "17 Eagle drive. But the Smith's don't have a broken window."28

Fred picked up a golf ball which was lying about on the floor, and threw it through the window towards the Smith's house.29

"They do now." muttered Fred.30

Five minutes later, there was a knock at the door.31

"This'll be the Smith's come to complain. I'll be in the kitchen, you can sort this mess out yerself, you you hooligan." Herbert said in disgust.32

Fred went to answer the door.33

"My son says he saw you throw a golf ball at his bedroom window," raged Malcolm Smith.34

"Well let me show you something," replied Fred motioning for Malcolm to come inside.35

When they reached the living room, Fred said "Your son has smashed our window. He has also smashed his own, and then realising what he had done, decided to blame me. Now can you really see a middle aged man like myself going round smashing windows?"36

"Well," replied an embarressed Malcolm, "Of course not. I'm sorry for accusing you."37

He pulled out a wad of notes.38

"This should be enough to cover the costs of getting your window replaced."39

"Thankyou," said Fred taking the cash. He peered through the window. "Oh there's the glazing firm just arriving at your house. I took the liberty of calling them for you."40

"That's very kind of you," Malcolm replied, "I must get back and let them in. Thankyou."41

"No, thankyou" Fred replied with a satisfied grin.42

Malcolm left the house.43

As soon as he heard the door slam shut, Herbert returned to the living room.44

"Now I suppose we'll have to pay for the Smith's window." he said and tutted.45

"Not at all," replied Fred, "In fact," [he pulls the money from his pockets] "He has paid us to fix our broken window!"46

Herbert gave a look of astonishment, "I don't know how you do it, I just don't!"47

THE END48