Aristeia

I'm still young.1

Sometimes, often, I have to remind myself of that despite the white hair that shines through on my scalp. I also have to remind myself that this story isn't about me so much as the events that have shaped my early life.2

I'm not going to tell you my exact age though, nor will i be using the real names of the various people who populate this story but I feel as if I must write it down before I lose any more of it to the less pressing issues that dominate my mind these days.3

It confuses me already to think about it and to try and remember where the story really begins. Some of it may not be true to life, embellished by my memory and ego, but I think it may carry a message all the same. There's only one way to find out.4

Aristeia : Part I5

The blood was running down the wall as I leant against it. It's probably still there, absorbed into the pinboard in dark, iron stains. I had no reason not to do it and so I had, because there was nothing keeping me from doing so. This is how my mind works, everything must be learned the hard way which I know is in no way exceptional amongst our race. I couldn't fathom what it mattered until I saw the look in my friend's eyes. He didn't seem scared or upset particuarly but he clearly thought I'd gone insane.6

Jesus was wrong, I hadn't lost my mind, I was more than sane and perhaps that was the problem.7

"You seem to have cut yourself there", he observed.8

I applied pressure to my shoulder, "It's just a scratch".9

"Okkk", said Jesus, dragging the word out to show how little he thought of my mental prowess right now.10

I started to clean up and Jesus left. I felt like a dick. My room was a shit-hole that reflected my head space in an altogether too-accurate manner. Mould was beginning to climb from the carpet to the walls, empty containers for alcohol littered the desk and clean rings pocked its surface from where the few empties that had made it to the bin had left the wood clean from cigarette ash, briefly. I was fairly sure it smelt in there too, but I'd grown accustomed and fuck anyone that hadn't.11

Four others shared our small house on campus. Three girls, one boy. Jesus and I had rooms on the ground floor whilst Mary, John, Spider and Kelly had theres on the top floor. Mary was sexually crazed, John liked to shower with his collection of paving slabs, Spider wanted to marry Jesus and Kelly scared the shit out of him. I largely ignored them all, even when I slept with one or ridiculed the other so I wasn't worried if they saw me in this state, they didn't really exist in my world.12

I realised soon after that this wasn't what I wanted. I didn't know where to go from this point and so I started to just follow the tide. My university course was so undemanding as to be insulting, exams on the use of the Microsoft Office Suite were never taxing enough to warrant my attendance at lectures and so I'd continued to the second year without ever wondering why. Then Gilfaethwy offered me a job.13

- - - - - - - - - 14

The Island seemed so much easier. It was insulated and safe from the world I'd left, this was the second 'business trip', I'd attended there and I was beginning to piece together the pictures of those who surrounded me. Gilfaethwy was a rounded man with thin white hair and a tendency to whine about everyone when they weren't around to hear him. He pictured me as his apprentice and was convinced we'd do great things together. We sat in the car whilst the air conditioning fought sternly against the heat.15

Gilfaethwy raised a pair of binoculars and shook his head, "It's that bastard Nick".16

"Yeh", I said without much feeling. I looked out on the view as we perched on a gravel road looking down onto the impressive villa that spanned the next headland on the lake. Fuck all was occuring.17

"He said I was involved when I fucking wasn't, and now Kronos is avoiding me, we came out here to work and we can't work until he fucking talks to us".18

"Yeh, well there's nothing we can do sat here, let's go back to the hotel", I motivated, meaning lets go get trashed and watch you sing Kareoke in the pub across from the hotel. If Kronos didn't want to speak with us then I wasn't particuarly bothered. Kronos was an extremely personable guy, but he put me on edge - especially since I discovered he'd been involved in unspecified shadyness back in our home country and had left for 'tax reasons'. The shooting lessons I'd been taken on back home had become more worrying by the second, guns weren't in my plans for web domination.19

I talked Gilfaethwy down from sitting and watching the villa for the evening and we rolled off, the gravel chipping at the car down the hill and then there was just the silent whirr of wheels on tarmac back to the hotel.20

- - - - - - - - - 21

He had a good voice, I had to admit as I listened intently to Gilfaethwy's crooning in an effort to not look at the straggly haired cunt (I use this word with feeling for reasons I'll explain at a later date) sat next to me. I was also ignoring the woman next to him who sang along in a voice with enough presence and depth to cause most in the bar area to look at her rather than the man with the microphone. Gilfaethwy with his indomitable friendliness had immediately spied out the most interesting looking people in the bar and sat us next to them and had been hugging the lady half his age without trouble very shortly after.22

She seemed so confident and in control that I put her out of mind and talked as little as possible. I didn't talk much anyway because I'd found it to be frustrating to try. People didn't understand half of what I said or catch the meaning of what I thought to be obvious witticisms and it had developed to the point where I'd occasionally stutter when not in the presence of a close friend. I preferred to listen as I was starting to discover that you learnt more that way. Gilfaethwy had told me how smart that was many a time in order, I suppose, to get me to talk. I couldn't handle a compliment either and smarted inside when he referred to my internet skills as 'genius' when I knew full well they weren't. Programming was just another language to me and I liked languages despite my loath to communicate with humans through them.23

Marian recited her story to the group in spite of my ignorance. She told us she'd just recovered from cancer, despite her young age, we told her how strong she was. She told us she'd never been taught to sing, but that it was a talent honed from the abuse she'd suffered as a child and an outpouring of feeling. She wouldn't have said it like that though, her habit was to throw as many adjectives and adverbs into a sentence as possible and try and slot in the word womb somewhere as well. We didn't point that out.24

Dionysus (aka straggly haired cunt) was Marian's sole investor, he was funding her to sing and write songs on The Island so she could get away from her own set of problems back home. For some reason, he latched on to the fact that we'd both had a good education and seemed to think we were part of an 'old boys' collective. He quickly realised he couldn't control me though, that he was no more intelligent than I was and settled for controlling his investment as the bar upstairs started to close for the night.25

Marian wanted to dance though, and Gilfaethwy was plastered enough to attempt it so we all milled downstairs into the nightclub with most of the other bar patrons. As the night progressed the elders peeled off and Marian became more interested in me for all my lack of conversation. At five am she jumped me and dragged a willing, drunk me, back to her apartment a short walk off.26

- - - - - - - - - 27

"Fuck", the curse crisply left my mouth as I sat bolt upright in the bed. Gilfaethwy had warned me to be up early, we had to get to the airport for our flight home.28

"Fuck", less harsh this time as I realised I wasn't going home.29

Gilfaethwy had managed to talk to Kronos a couple of days before and we were all on smooth terms again - except for the fact that it'd been left so late that the project wasn't anywhere near completion. Most of the night had been spent talking with Marian rather than 'fucking' as she put it and I ran to the hotel to unfold my plans to Gilfaethwy.30

As I spilled the details to him I put across the business necessity of staying on the island but I can't say that he was ever fooled by that. I received a few hearty slaps on the back for what he took to be my manly achievment of the night before and he rang Kronos immediately. As they guffawed on the phone together I was given a full-time job on the island and promised an apartment of my own, board paid.31

Gilfaethwy took the car to the aiport then and I never saw him again, we spoke occasionally but by that time the price was never worth what he asked of me. Slowly, all communication stopped and I imagine that now he has a new apprentice or perhaps just pays more attention to his family. For all his faults I liked him, all he really ever wanted to do was please people. Gilfaethwy was scared though, and this is one of the most important things I've learnt from my slightly odd life. Everyone's biggest fear, is simply, other people. 32

He also taught me how to cook a mean breakfast.33