Broken Dreams1
4. You and the love of your life are having a romantic wedding ceremony on the top of a cliff. However, oops, your lover falls off the cliff and dies, leaving you alone. What happens next?2
Georgia couldn’t believe her eyes. She refused to look back at the three hundred guests sitting behind her. The pastor’s expression was all that she needed to know that this was real, not the horrible dream she was praying it to be. Clutching the bouquet of pink roses tightly she watched the pastor before forcing herself to turn to her mother. Her groom had just fallen off the side of the cliff where they had been previously pledging their love to one another. Her body refused to produce tears feeding off the shock inside. No one moved, they didn’t know what to do. People don’t normally fall off the side of a cliff into the creek below during a wedding, much less their wedding. 3
“I didn’t intend on performing a funeral for the same person I was performing a wedding for,” the pastor murmured closing his bible solemnly. 4
When I could compose myself I trekked down mountain, in heels mind you, to see my groom one last time. His skull was shattered and his tux covered in blood. I held his hand one last time and whispered a prayer aloud to myself in the silence. A girl never imagines her wedding day going anything less than perfect, but for me my fairytale wedding in the Utah desert less than 100 yards from the road I lost the love of my life and my will to live. 5
My parents were packing up the car silently as I came back up the mountain. I hugged my mom one last time and told them I loved them. I said goodbye to the family and walked back over to the ridge. The sun was melting into the land producing orange and violet strands that touched my face like the fingers of a baby. It happened so fast, no one even saw it coming. While everyone was still busy contemplating the sudden death of my fiancé, I closed my eyes and let myself fall, plummeting to the cold hard earth to join the love of my life in heaven. 6
A contest entry
- Creating Creativity! by seclusion.
115 points, ended February 25, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
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This story is interesting. It starts off with the action - her husband is already dead, and she is just beginning to mourn. I like that effect, because it forces the reader to keep going. They have to ask, Exactly what just happened? and therefore must keep reading. This story is very simple in it's design - which is ok. However, I feel as though you could have delved deeper into the plot, as well as the emotions of Georgia. At the end, she calmly says goodbye to her parents and they leave her there alone at the cliff? To me, this is a bit unbelievable. I would think they would stay there to comfort her, and at least escort her home. Overall, good job with creating a character and story - but needs a bit more work on believability.
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Unbelievable to many, however this wasn't specified in the story, but if Georgia was Amish it would be completely believeable because the Amish don't fight back they take everything that happens as God's will so they would have accepted Georgia's choice to die and join her dead fiance and would have let it happen.
Also they don't leave her, they are packing up the car and the wedding supplies with all the guests. She hugs them and says goodbye and they are a bit disoriented as you might expect when something traumatic just happened on what was supposed to be a good day. Then when no one expects it and no one is paying attention she jumps.
Even though this was a contest piece I plan on possibly expanding with it.
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