-------warning contains sex and profanity---------1
“Well I must make it over to California for the summer,” the nattering of Cheryl Jones, the face of an angel and the body of a porn star. The man she’s talking to looks uncomfortable talking to such a ‘beautiful’ woman, his nervous twitches could be confused as cute, but they are caused by holding back his natural instinct to fuck her brains out right here. He’s trying to be polite sipping his White Russian whilst the lump in his trousers.. wait are they talking to me? 2
“Heidi darling don’t you agree?” Cheryl asks.3
“Yes babe you would make a wonderful actor,” I reply4
“Actress darling,” Heidi corrects me before turning back to her man friend.5
“Excuse me I’m going to get a drink.” I head towards the bar. Oh this is a lousy excuse for a party, I used to love parties. Where people actually had fun. Parties where I would drink disturbing volumes of booze and id wake up with a sore head and sometimes a sore va..6
“Hello beautiful,” I hear behind me, I give a smile and turn to face a stunningly handsome, and clearly homosexual man.7
“There you are you fairy, late as always,” I wrap my arms around my best friend Zack. 8
“That bad is it?” 9
“As usual” 10
“That Tyson Casta..?” Zack glances towards a group of male models talking on the patio.11
“I’m not sure babe, hey, can we get out of here?”12
“I only just got here! And your supposed to be mingling,” he says still staring at the models.13
I sneer as unattractively as possible before throwing back my full glass of Champaign. 14
“Come on then!” I see no joy in mingling. I’m bored of all these pretty people, the narcissism, the fake beauty, these bastards cash in on their bone structures and ability to eat nothing, just like I am, but that’s ok because I’m a hypocrite.15
“Hello darling, I was just talking about you.” A short bald man in a pink silk shirt says looking up at me.16
“Good things I hope?” Girly banter 101.17
“Sarah this is Heidi,” the man introduces me to an old lady, with facial skin so tight and fake tanned she looks like a skeleton painted orange18
“Ohh how do you do?” I shake hands with the old wench. 19
“Oh and this is Tyson Casta,” baldie introduces me to a tall handsome American male model. 20
Half an hour later I’m in the bathroom with Tyson. As I lock the bathroom door behind me I start to massage his cock through his jeans, it feels about average.21
“Wow its so big.” I give a gasp, it’s worth making him feel like a stallion if it makes him fuck like one.22
“Shit I don’t have a condom,” he says in a panic.23
“Why the fuck not?” I feel his cock shrink in my hand. “Fuck it just don’t cum inside me,” my body fat is far too low to get pregnant, I haven’t had a period in over a year. “Your cock better be clean.”24
“Erm ok”, I feel his cock begin to grow again.25
I turn around and he pulls up my dress and puts one hand on my breast and one on my hip. I feel him slip inside, he’s a bit keen and goes in all the way on the first stroke.26
After a few minutes of uncomfortable sex I turn and sit on the bath before finishing him off with my hand. He cums into the bath just missing my face.27
I put on my clothes without exchanging a word with Tyson, I’m a bit disappointed by his performance, good looks definitely don’t ensure sexual capability. 28
“Well.. see you then” I say as I leave the bathroom, I make my way to the front door, I see Zack flirting with a guy in a pink shirt. I walk out. I fucking hate these parties.29
Author notes
Still needs editing so appologies.
(part of the raw series)
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Thats what is its for, it's just to test this out and see what everyone thinks and
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More a vignette than a story. I had trouble fixing the gender of the first person character until close to the last half of this piece. The vignette is a rather gritty and realistic portrayal of the party/sex, but feels like it lacks at least a beginning, if not an end as well. However, since it is part of a series this can be overlooked somewhat. Overall, interesting read.
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In my humble opinion...
...I don't think you need to embellish, expand or draw it out. It is what it is; a commentary on a hit and miss. This stands well on its own. Good personal asides so the reader doesn't feel alienated whilst also not completely voyeuristic
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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This was very good and has alot of potential. Maybe you should go into a little more detail about their encounter and maybe a little on what else happened after that. Overall it was good story
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Well, this looks compact and as you said that this was a big story plot with many other aspects. Its, nice.
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good story. where is it going? whats happening next whos is the main character. i mean like on the inside her personality.
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i like this storty because the humor is distracting but deffinatley ther
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Great potential!
So far I have read only 4 stories at this site, and yours is by far the best so far. You have several grammatical errors, and jumping from meeting him to fucking him in the bathroom without some kind of led up was a bit confusing though. Also don't be afraid to go into more detail on their interaction, I had the feeling from the earlier portion of your story that you give great detail.
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 2, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Hey thanks for reading! this is one of a few stories i wrote and then scraped in a folder thinking "Na it doesnt doesnt work," i wanted to keep the sex kept with little detail to show how little the woman cares about sex, and that shes doing it just out of bordom and frustration with her life.
It was origionaly going to be a long short story about a girl who once did things for fun, and was happy and then became a succesfull model due to chance (And how she looked of course) rather than want, and it led her to be unhappy dispite her lifestyle being glamorous. And the story would follow her struggle back to happyness.
thanks again.
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