This is a tale, not about the hyperbolic demise of the world-renowned author and volunteer elephant circumciser, James Daftwy, but about the somewhat deserving end of a guilty party.1
There she sat, completely oblivious to the dark fate that hovered quite literally over her head. A textbook sat in her lap, a stack of its cousins by her side, and a wall of still more relations against her back. The book was open, as were her eyes, but she was not reading. She was thinking about something completely unrelated to the task she had finally sat down to.2
She was thinking about the life she had lived thus far. She thought herself to be a good person. She smiled at strangers and held the door for the young, the middle-aged, the elderly, the impatient. She gave money to the homeless and subtly kissed-up to her teachers. She listened to her mother and refrained from killing her brother and consistently forgave her father.3
Yet, as always, she was over-looking a good deal of things. She also stole from her mother and brother, lied to her teachers, and said mean (but seldom untrue) things behind her father's back. Most of all, she procrastinated. She procrastinated everything. Her room was always a mess, her homework never done until the morning it was due, her legacy an unending trail of broken promises.4
And soon, her legacy would be all that was left of her.5
But I am getting ahead of myself. First, I should explain how this mistaken do-gooder came to be in her doomed position.6
Despite all of her barely turned-in homework, she had managed to get into college, and was studying abroad in Italy for the summer. Maybe studying isn't the best term for how she spent her time. She ate gelato, bought leather, went joy-riding on Vespas, and sailed the Mediterranean at night with fit, olive-skinned Italian men. In the brief intervals where she wasn't flirting in Italian or gaining weight in some delectable way, she used a little less than ten percent of her brain to fulfill the bare minimum of her responsibilities, namely her studies. Until the day the fateful letter arrived, notifying her of her impending probation. Her grades had fallen and she could no longer fly through life by the seat of her pants, if she wanted to stay enrolled in the summer program.7
By the fault of some mistranslated directions given by a beautiful Italian man, she ended up in the library in the Leaning Tower of Pisa. This brings me to the point of the story we began at.8
She sat in the library, thinking about all the good things she had done in her life. Then the unthinkable happened. Or perhaps, what people all over the world have been predicting for decades. The Leaning Tower of Pisa capsized. Everyone survived. Or so the police record read. However, no one saw the broken, brown body lying underneath a pile of textbooks.9
No one, except me. I found it darkly amusing that a young woman who spent so little time with her schoolbooks would be buried with them.
Author notes
To Daftweejimmy: I'm sorry I missed your contest! Last night when I went to bed very late (doing some last minute homework), I remembered that I had promised to enter and Sunday was the deadline. I know it's too late for the contest, but I decided to write you a piece anyway and one about my demise since of the two of us, I deserve it more. At least at the moment. (: I hope you enjoyed it!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
This was really an enjoyable read, and funny in a farcy kind of way. I love that it was set in Italy. Eventhough you didn't give imagery of Italy, I still could picture it completely. I loved how you described the Italian men.
Lovely write, made me chuckle.
-
-
Yeah, you're absolutely right. And it's weird because both Italy and imagery are my guilty pleasure. (And Italian men.
Actually that's I don't know if that's true, but it's something I like to think. 
)
-
-
LOL
I liked this a lot! It was funny, but also well written with smooth transition. Yeah, I think everyone procrastinates with their studies--I do!
You know, I really love Italy, so that's a plus for having that in your story.
Great write.
-
This was cute x.x cute that you finished the story even if you missed the deadline because you PROMISED it. (funny how in the story, you mentioned a life of broken promises - perhaps, you try NOT to have that in your life ^_^)
The tone how this was told.. made it more lighthearted than a death would have (but it still saddened me x.x). And I could relate with this, somewhat. The studying abroad is the one BIG thing I didn't get to feel.
Your story's detachness (is that even a word???) made it also sad... so I place this under dark humor
I'm glad this is a bit short don't take me wrong, I enjoyed reading it, but I don't want to be sad. x.x
-
-
Aw, I didn't mean to make you sad! I hope that's not the way my life ends even though it would be ironic.
I want to die in an exciting, interesting, worthy way when I'm very very old. Two or three hundred years old.
-
-
Well, I thought this was pretty damn good
and was it the leaning tower of pizzas you meant, as opposed to the more famous tower of Pisa?
They say that we put some autobiographical traits in our stories, but I can't believe this is really you. Messy bedroom? Homework just in on time? Not working hard enough? Spending time flirting? No, I simply don't believe it, it can't be true.
Seriously, I enjoyed this little piece, it had the right amount of self-deprecation to be an honest assessment, but there's no such thing as objective self-analysis. As for the last 2 sentences in your AN, I rather liked the possibility that I might, at some future date, deserve a final curtain more than you do. But don't run away with the idea that you deserve an untimely end, I doubt if you're as wicked as all that (or have I been misled? I hope not!
Thank you for making the time for this, hope you didn't miss too much sleep! -
-
Well my room is constantly a mess. I have this very rare disease where its impossible for me to hang my clothes up after changing when I can just leave them on the floor. I'm more on top of my homework that I made myself in the story, but I do procrastinate a lot. And the flirting was just wishful thinking
I know I don't want an untimely end!! (: And you haven't been misled. (: I'm glad you liked it! Sorry I was late.
(I'm changing the Pisa thing...I always do that : )
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
