The dreaded first day...well, it really wasn't that dreaded or the first day because it was in the middle of first semester when I first stepped into what would be my saving grace.1
At first glace my teacher appeared a little annoyed to have me suddenly appear in her class. The class itself inevitably turned to stare at me as if I was a strange object blown in from the world outside their door. 2
Trying to swallow the fact that I was in a strange environment surrounded by sophomores and freshmen,it felt like the rest of the year was going to completely suck, I took my seat and waited for the movie to end. It ended a few minutes later; after which I received the biggest not to mention heaviest book known to mankind. "On Cooking: Fundamental Cooking" by Sarah R. Labensky 3rd edition was laid into my hands. (The fourth edition is out and will be what I'm using in college *cringes*) The book when I first got it was in wonderful condition, by my second year (which would be my senior year) they had been so abused you couldn't tell which one had been yours unless you looked for the name. 3
Ms Johnson (warmly referred to as M.J.) explained to me that in this particular class there wouldn't be any cooking because she wanted to make sure that we were serious about the class and it was involving learning the basics...at least I think they were the basics. Various herbs and spices. Cleaning techniques. Maybe a few knife skills. The biggest thing I remember from that first year was videos...lots and lots of video repeats on the "danger zone". (which by the way has been changed since I last saw it by a few degrees) The proper way to act in a running kitchen and the dangers to try and avoid.4
As much as I liked M.J. that first year it seemed like she was mean. I'm talking like she was taking out her grumbles on her class, later I found out she just wasn't a morning person. I was the first maybe second class she had. Then again if you had to be at school by 7am every morning you'd be grumpy too. Most of the time she was a few minutes late so that saved those of us coming from across campus time. Trust me running across campus is never fun unless you know some back-ways.
Author notes
Option: 1
Chapter 1 of Culinary Experiance. I know it's short and experience is written wrong but that's they way it wants to be written so 
. I promise the next chapters will get better. I'm just giving y'all some background before the madness starts.
A contest entry
- A range of options (: by Dead Beauty.
245 points, ended October 9, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
That first paragraph and it's opening, the statement about the dreaded first day.. it seems like it is going to be a somewhat cliche and dramatic opening, but then it's shown to not be all that bad (that's been done as well), but also not the first day at all. What's the point of saying the dreaded first day then? It just seems so pointless after it's explained so that it shouldn't be there or the explanation after it, just a whole other introduction altogether. I do wonder with the word choice on campus; you're not in college yet, but there's a campus? I thought that was a word exclusive to the college kind of schooling only.. hmmm..
-
" A Range Of Options "
Thanks for chapter one (:
Sorry, I was so dumb, of course this was option 1 because it said Prologue before
Hahahhah, but thank you for entering my contest and good luck
-
This is good.
However, I think it could benefit with having something that grabs the reader's interest right off the bat. If not some direct conflict, then at least the hint of conflict to come.
Other than that it was good. With a couple little tweaks it could be great!
-
I personally believe some of your sentence structure needs to be tightened - I noticed a few run-ons and poorly constructed phrases - though I think that other reviewers have provided some suggested solutions for those. I found the main character and the 'experience' a little hard to grasp - there didn't appear to be any distinctive characteristic about the MC or her setting that I could really 'sink my teeth into'. For a prologue, I found it meandered somewhat - I believe you may need to be more precise with what you are trying to put acros to the reader.
-
Good
My only suggested is take more to explain what is going.
I thought you were in high school taking a class on cooking.
When I read your notes I understood what was going on.
Other that, I enjoyed this piece.
Lynn
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Umm well, the story wasn't really for me, but i'm sure you will find quite a few people that will identify with it. Just some advice though, the prologue is always a crucial chapter, you need to hook your audience with an event or something that happens to the character.
Your writing is good, but you need to watch out for punctuation, I found a few mistakes:
At first glace my teacher--- comma after glance.
to have me suddenly appear in her class --- how about? to have me suddenly show up to her class.
after which I received the biggest not to mention heaviest book --- commas after biggest, and mention.
The book when ---comma after book.
when I first got it ---comma after it.
were serious about the class and ----comma after class.
and it was involving learning the basics --- and it involved
at least I think they were the basics. ---comma after at least
at least I think they were the basics. Various herbs and spices. Cleaning techniques. Maybe --- change periods for commas.
Trust me running across campus is never fun unless you know some back-ways. -- comma after trust me.
-
Okay - Experiance it shall be
Para 2 - glace s/b glance
Did I hear you right? Did you REALLY say "y'all"?
I look forward to "the madness"
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
