Hopeless Travel : Chpt. 1.5

Sarah Dessen’s novels have always made me feel envious in a way. All their problems seemed to be so major, yet even with them, they were able to… Be themselves, in a way. I have never had a friend, once in my life. Ever since birth, I’ve lived as an orphan, until the age of four, when Gem Carson became my mother. 1

Gem wasn’t my mother for a long while. It was Ben. I have never considered Ben as a friend, but more as a... Angel. It sounds completely, utterly nuts. Yet, he provided me with warmth, gave me decent meals to process, and we were able to talk. 2

We talked about everything: from our likes to dislikes, and our fascination with nature. The wind, the trees, the water, and the sky. It seemed so amazing, no matter how many times I see it. We’d always walk into parks, or go fishing, but just to sit in the boat, humming What a Wonderful World to the nature ; that replied to us with wind’s echoing. 3

One day, our last day, we went to the beach; it wasn’t a normal-kind-of-beach, but more as a deserted, but decently cleaned. From that day on, it became my favourite spot to sit, daydream, and wonder. Everything seemed normal, until it wasn’t.4

“Emi, look. A blue bird,” he pointed to the tree, a few feet from us, providing a relaxing, smile. 5

I stared at the blue bird, with wide open eyes, as the humming, magical voice was released. The sing-song voice, it seemed like it couldn’t ever be anymore beautiful. Until, another of the same kind, joined in, creating a duet.6

I began to smile, little to huge, with my little, brown eyes sparkling, full of awe.7

Hours later, I was still looking at them, although their singing had come to a stop. I felt as if I was being looked at, and turned around. Ben was smiling at me, sadly.8

I looked at him for a minute or so, and then panic began to fill up inside of me. 9

“Ben? Are you okay?” I asked him, quick, full of concern.10

He replied with his usual smile: easygoing-calm-accepting. 11

“You really like nature, eh, Emi?” He said, completely ignoring my question.12

So I let it pass, it seemed to not matter that much, or else that kind of smile would never be created. Right?13

But then, as the morning sun rose, I looked at him, with a tired-lazy-feeling. I felt so tired, but then I saw him. Out of the corner of my eye as I landed back upon my old, hard pillow. 14

I got up quickly as possible, and just stared at him. Long and emotionless. His eyes were closed, yet I could faintly see bluish lines, around the bottom eyelid. His face, his arms, he looked pale as ever all over. It was his lips, though, that enabled me to realize what was going on. That smile. The sad smile he had displayed to me the day before, was softly, barely splayed upon his lips. 15

It took me several minutes to raise my fingers and reach out, further and further, to feel his face.16

\-/17

“Emi, what’s wrong? Are you feeling okay?” He smiled at me, but had a hint of concern within his eyes.18

“I’m fine, leave me alone.” I sat up and began to walk mid-step towards the door, until he stopped me. He reached over and banged his head onto mine, softly. 19

“No, you’re not. Don’t lie to me.” He said, full of confidence.20

“We need to go deliver those flowers to Arlon, Ben.” I told him, with a whispery voice.21

“Sit.” He said, with a comanding voice, and I obliged.22

“You’re a kid. You need to live and be healthy, okay?” He smiled at me. “So lay down, and let me rearrange the flower delivers.”23

“But-” 24

“No, buts. You come first, money is second. Got it?” He left the room, and then quickly came back, with only his head poking out from the door. “Okay?” And I nodded, feeling a happiness I had never felt before: Someone actually was here for me.25

\-/26

Now, with my fingers touching his face, I feel it. The coldness of abnormality. Ben, the angel of mine who God gave me for only a limited of time, returned home. To heaven.27