Part 1:
Pal’s Parent
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“What the hell are you doing home so late?”
Pal grimaced. He closed the door, trying to avoid eye contact with his father.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Pal sighed. “The game was a little longer than I thought it would be. They went into overtime and…”
“Overtime?” Michael barked. “You expect me to believe that?”
“It’s the truth,” Pal said, trying to keep his emotions intact. “I haven’t lied to you.”
“Maybe you’re just good at his,” the man said, lowering his voice to a dangerous tone. “Maybe you weren’t at some basketball game, maybe you were with some boy.”
Although the blow wasn’t enough to hurt him on the outside, Pal’s heart took a hard blow. His father had learned his secret. Even if he was just saying it to make him feel bad, it still hurt.
“I wasn’t with anybody,” Pal whispered.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you, sonny boy.”
“I said I wasn’t with anybody.” Pal had raised his voice this time.
“Don’t you give me that tone, boy!”
“You told me to raise my voice!”
The blow sent Pal into the wall. At first, he wasn’t aware of what happened. Then, very slowly, he felt a bead of blow flow down his nose and onto his lip.
“I don’t like my son giving me that tone of voice. I don’t like the way he talks to me, I don’t like the way he looks at me, I don’t like the way he goes out with boys.”
“I wasn’t with anybody,” Pal whimpered, trying to get sympathy or, at the very least, protection. “I swear I wasn’t, Dad.”
Michael struck him between the ribs. It took the air out of Pal’s lungs, sending him back to the floor..
“Listen here, boy,” he said, grabbing Pal’s chin and forcing his eyes up. “I don’t want any whining or half-assing from you. If you tell me you were with some boy, then your beating won’t be as bad.”
The way his father said those words made Pal want to just admit to being with somebody. That guilty pleasure of getting out of a beating was always there, but he knew that lying--even if it would keep him from being beaten--wasn’t going to help him.
“Well?”
“Dad… Please, I love you.”
“Love me?” Michael laughed. “If you gave a damn about me, you’d listen. If you gave a damn, you wouldn’t lie to me. Now, tell me who you were with.”
I wasn’t with anybody, Pal thought, tears breaking the surface of his eyes. Goddamn you, you bastard! I wasn’t with anybody!
“I-I wasn’t w-with anybody.”
The smack sent his head into the corner of a nearby table. Pal cried and screamed as his father kicked his stomach. Vomit sprayed the side of the couch as it was forcefully ejected from his belly.
“And here’s another one for that, you fucking fairy!”
The blow to the crotch made him squeal. Every ounce of masculinity had been forced from him, but at that moment, Pal didn’t care. He wished he could curl up into a ball; or worse, die and let his dad rot in prison for child abuse.
Michael backed away, giving Pal the chance to push himself into a sitting position. From there, he looked into his dad’s eyes for a short moment before lowering them.
“I’m sorry, sir.”
“Go to your room! I’ll deal with you later.”
Pal walked the short distance to his room, every step making his stomach tight, his head throb, and his crotch sting. More tears broke his eyes, but, instead of despair, he saw a beacon of hope. It came in the form of a face, the face of a cousin who would take shield him from the man who hurt him the worst.
There’s nothing here for me. Every single last thing that I was close to was destroyed by that bastard.
Taking a deep breath, Pal turned and gripped the doorknob, opening the door. His father sat on the couch with a beer in his big fist, the TV lighting up his, muscled frame.
“What’re you doing out?” Michael growled. “I thought I told you to stay in there.”
“You can’t keep me here.” Pal clenched his fists. “You can’t, Dad.”
“What makes you think that?”
“I can leave.”
“And go where? You have nobody, boy. You‘re here until you‘re eighteen, and when that day comes, I‘ll kick your ass out myself.”
“I’ll go to Brad’s.”
“Brad?” Michael growled at the sole mention of the name. “You think I’m going to let you go live with some faggot, you little shit?”
“I’m going. You’re not going to stop me.”
Every bit of his body burned as he ran for the door. His father’s hand caught his shirt, but Pal tore free, throwing the door open. He was halfway out when Michael slammed him in the doorjamb. He screamed. Fire spread deep into his body.
His father had tried to prevent him from leaving by slamming his body between the door.
Despite the pain, he managed to get away.
He ran faster than he had in his whole life.
“Go to Brad’s then!” Michael screamed. “If the cops come, I’ll hunt you down and kill your little fag ass!”
Pal sobbed. Although almost every part of him ached, stung or throbbed, he was numb because of the realization that he was now free.
When he thought he was far enough away from the house, Pal stopped and looked up.
The nearest town was twenty miles away…
Author notes
If you'd like to comment on the blog as well, please, go to http://insideyourinnerdemons.wordpress.com
Parts will be posted once per week, here and on the blog. So keep a lookout for them!
A contest entry
- Prologues and Chapter One - Beginnings by Forgotten Anomaly.
1300 points, ended February 19, 91 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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A very well written story....it really pulled at my heartstrings when Pal was beaten like that...^^
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Man- talk about a shit life. Your characterizations are fantastic. The violence feels so real. The story definitely shines with life. I'm going to have to do some serious reading to catch up. I love your style. Looking forward to more.
~Mab
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Thank you, Miss. Maab. : )
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awesome
I'm glad Pal walked out!
Awesome. I enjoyed this very much!
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Not bad
A few things I noticed, might be just typos or SW or just me -
You use 'blow' five times and one of those times I think it's supposed to be blood.
"I haven't lied to you." -Feels awkward, not wrong but sounds like a writer.
Pal had raised his voice this time.
“You told me to raise my voice!” - Again not wrong but technically not right either.
“Maybe you’re just good at his,” - Just confusing
“I don’t like my son giving me that tone of voice. I don’t like the way he talks to me, I don’t like the way he looks at me, I don’t like the way he goes out with boys.” - Feels like he's talking to the reader and not to his son. His actions and demeanor don't really mesh well with his speech pattern at this part of the story.
Michael struck him between the ribs. - Like the sternum or between the second and third rib? I was just trying to get an image of what you meant.
half-assing from you. - I know what you mean, but can you really half-ass talking to someone?
Sorry for the big copy/paste but I wanted you to see exactly what I was talking about for each question.
I grew up in a very open-minded home and still live in an open-minded city (Philly is gay pride!
) so stories like these don't really pull on any heart strings for me. Weird, I know, but everyone here (for the most part) is very accepting of others, not too many Michaels. They (the stories) feel a bit cliched and over-done. BUT, I do know that there are people going through struggles like this everyday so it's nice for them to get a voice, even if it is fictional.
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I have noticed a good load of the typos/confusing things here. Some of the dialogue on the father's part is supposed to be awkward, as evidence by his alcoholism (which is mentioned later in the story, though I should probably clear this up when I go through it again.)
Thanks Jack.
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that is amazing! it really opens your eyes!
good work!! X -
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Thank you Fedex. : ) If you'd like to read more, there's a ton posted.
Thanks for taking the time to read, once again. : )
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Good
Very nice expecting more.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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There's five more parts uploaded, if you're interested.
Thanks RoxyPoxyFoxy011 (long username, haha.)
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intense stuff
the emotion seemed very real so the narrative flowed extremely well
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Thanks Rorshach.
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this was well written. It was a very sad and touching beggininig, I felt so sorry for pal
The father was so horrible!
Great start
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Thanks DancinDream. : )
And yes, the father is horrible.
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I'll take it the formatting problems on the part of Storywrite as they usually are? I also noticed a few errors in this but otherwise it was a very powerful and saddening story. Good luck with finishing this one, if you can keep this much emotion and power up it ought to be a interesting story. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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Yes, they are, haha. I just click 'don't fix line spacing' on it.
It's finished, really; I'm just serializing it online now. : )
Thanks Shadowed Phoenix
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This story is quite intriguing. I hope that this story isn't based on a true story or one somebody. I have to saw this story is well written and easy to follow. I'll make sure I follow the rest. (Argh.. why did you make it stop there? Well you got me hooked lol).
The only positive critizism I could say is to keep an eye out on the layout of the story. (by layout I meen the text to paper since it's all in one huge paragraph)
(It's a very minor detailled for an excellent work)
Keep it up
Well done. Well done.
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Don't worry, it's not ALL like this, lol. It's just Storywrite's formatting options. -_-
Thanks droleteric. The story isn't based on truth, but I've known people who have suffered child abuse. It's quite sad. One of my friends was a victim of extreme abuse. Just having her tell me stuff was enough to let me channel those kinds of emotions into the piece.
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Whoa. Stories about child abuse really chill me and it somehow seems worse when they do it because of who their children are. You did a great job writing the fight and the emotion that came with it. How Pal stood up for himself gave me a sort of inspiration that's hard to describe. So far, so good. Keep writing!
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Hi Lady Lionnir,
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I credit Dave Pelzer's 'A Child Called It' series for helping me develop this kind of relationship. Pelzer himself had an extremely abusive mother who did some pretty horrible things to him.
Again, thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.
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this is a good story, very sad and emotional, it is a very detailed account of a close relationship of father and son going very wrong. A parent hitting a son or daughter is terrible and so tragic and you captured that in your story. (you wrote blow instead of blood, but it was really well done. Great!
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Thanks hellennewwriter!
I appreciate your taking the time to read this, hehe.
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Strong start--would read more of this
Dialogue comes across as very real. Feels like it's going to be both darker in tone and less centred on the supernatural than "Inner Demons." I'm curious as to how the two stories will fit together.
(Small point: you don't really need the sentence starting "His father had tried to prevent him...," as you've already said that Pal was slammed in the doorjamb.)
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hey essexgirl,
The novel DOES get stranger later on, so... don't think this won't surprise you, haha.
But yeah, I get ya with the 'try to prevent him' part. lol.
There'll be another part posted Sunday, if you're interested.
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