will he ever love me?

Fourteen year old Joanne Dzieczko was sitting at her dressing table blow-drying her beautiful brown hair when her phone rang. Rolling her brown coloured eyes she switched the blow-dryer off and answered the phone. 1

'Hello?' She asked politely, but slightly annoyed when the phone was at her ear. 2

'Hi Jo!' Came the usual voice of her best friend Ryan Parkes from the other end of the line. As always, Joanne felt her heart leap up into her throat when she heard his voice. 3

'Hey, what's up?' She asked as she lay down on her bed with her feet in the air. 4

'Not much really.' He replied, his tone of voice making Joanne melt. 'I just walked Samantha home.' 5

Joanne’s heart removed itself from her throat and instead sank to the lower part of her stomach. She always felt a surge of jealousy when Ryan mentioned the name of whatever girl he was currently dating. It seemed that the girl of the moment was a fourteen year old girl named Samantha Horan. She was in the same year group as them at school but was well known for being exceptionally bright despite the stereotype that was often associated with blonde hair. As much as Joanne hated to admit it, Samantha was a very good catch. Not only was she smart but she was naturally very beautiful. She hardly ever wore make-up and though she tended to wear casual jeans and t-shirts she always managed to look stunning. Still, what Joanne hated more than any of this was that she actually liked Samantha when all she wanted was a reason to hate her. 6

'So, how did the date go?' Joanne asked pretending to sound interested.7

'Oh, it was amazing.' Ryan gushed and Joanne felt her heart sink impossibly lower. Ryan recounted the date to her step-by-step and it certainly sounded perfect. 'You, know I really think something good could come of this. Samantha’s different to all the other girls I've dated.' 8

'That's great.' Joanne exclaimed though she didn't mean it. 'I'm so happy for you.' 9

‘so what do you think of her?' Ryan asked. 10

'Definitely better than the last one.' Joanne said speaking honestly this time. 11

'Yeah, Sarah was a bit too...what's the word I'm looking for?' Ryan asked. 12

'Insane.' Joanne simply supplied. 13

'Exactly.' Ryan agreed. 'And you know I've dated a fair few girls and there was nothing wrong with them, I just didn't really feel any connection with them. But with Samantha, it's so different. I can talk to her about anything, stuff I can't even tell you.' 14

Joanne now felt as if her heart was in a blender. The sharp pains in her heart were beginning to bring tears to her eyes. Ryan continued talking about how wonderful Samantha was but Joanne was no longer listening. 15

'Are you still there?' Ryan asked and Joanne nodded before realizing he couldn't see her. 'Yeah, I'm here.' She said in a strong voice that disguised the fact she was silently crying. 'Oh, cool. So anyway did I tell you how cute Samantha looks when she laughs?' Ryan asked. 'You should pay attention next time she laughs; the way her nose sort of scrunches is up is so adorable and she gets this kind of happy glint in her eyes.' 16

For the next two hours Joanne listened to her best friend talk about his girlfriend, warm fat tears still slipping down her cheeks. Joanne desperately wanted to scream down the phone that Ryan was an idiot and that it was her he should be with not perfect Samantha or psycho Sarah or any other girl. She wanted to confess her love for him, tell him how he made her heart flutter and her soul sing, how her skin tingled at his touch and her lips were desperate to know the feel of his lips. 17

Of course, Joanne said no such thing and barely got out a falsely happy goodbye when Ryan finally ended the call. After hanging up the phone, Joanne rolled over on her bed so she was lying on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She lay there with her eyes as red as blood and her face as wet as the ocean. 18

Joanne groaned at the thought of Ryan with Samantha as she cuddled her favourite teddy bear. Ryan had given it to her as a birthday present when she had turned eight saying that the colour of the teddy's fur matched her eyes. She had named it Googly Bear as she believed its eyes looked Googly. This very bear slept beside her every night for the past six years. 19

There was a quiet knock on the door before Joanne twelve year old sister poked her head around the door. 'Are you ok Joanne?' Lily asked gently as she stepped inside and closed the door. 20

'I'm fine Lily.' Joanne lied as she turned her back on her sister. Lily wasn't fooled and crossed the room and lay on the bed beside her older sister. 21

'Ryan again?' Lily asked unnecessarily pulling the older girl into a hug. Joanne nodded in conformation but didn't willingly elaborate on the subject. 'There's some ice-cream in the freezer.' Lily said. 'And I still have some chocolate in my room. How about we pig out and watch a movie? You can choose if you like. 22

When Lily returned with the chocolate and ice-cream, Joanne was putting Beauty and the Beast into the DVD player. Lily sat down beside her sister, not even remotely surprised by her choice of film, it was her sister's favourite after all and the two always watched it together when Ryan got a new girlfriend as well as every Valentine’s Day. 'He's never going to love me back is he?' Joanne asked sadly once the film had finished. 23

'You need to get over him Joanne.' Lily told her for what was probably the millionth time. 'Either that or tell him how you feel.' 'But I don't want to ruin our friendship.' Joanne said as she turned the television off. 'You shouldn't waste your life waiting around for one guy to finally notice you.' Lily reasoned. 'Just try and forget about him, there are plenty of other guys out there. Anyway, what's so special about Ryan Parkes? He's just a little heartbreaker if you ask me.' 24

'I really don't know what I see in him.' Joanne admitted. 'And he doesn't mean to be a heartbreaker. It just doesn't work out with the girls he dates because he's really in love with me and he just hasn’t figured it out yet.' She added hopefully. 25

'Of course.' Lily said sarcastically. 'But seriously sis, try going out with a few people yourself because you'll be waiting a long time for Ryan to finally open his eyes.' 'I suppose you're right.' Joanne said as she looked at the picture on her bedside table. 26

'Of course I'm right.' Lily said smugly as she followed Joanne’s eyes and saw the photo she was looking at. It was taken a few years back and showed a younger Joanne and Ryan in their bathing suits at the beach. 'Maybe the first step to forgetting about him is getting rid of that photo.' Lily suggested before heading back to her own room. 27

Joanne sighed as the bedroom door shut and took the photo frame into her hands. She remembered that day at the beach clearly. They'd had so much fun that summer and Ryan looked amazing in those red swimming trunks. Deciding her sister was right, Joanne removed the photo from the frame. Setting the picture and frame aside, she rummaged under her bed before pulling out an old shoebox that now held loads of photos along with a red beaded bracelet she'd lost months ago.28

Taking a deep breath, Joanne placed the photo of her and Ryan in the shoe box and pushed it back under the bed. She then took a quick trip to the toilet before turning the light out and getting in to bed. Just before she closed her eyes and left all her problem til the morning, she silently promised herself to at least try and move on from Ryan Parkes.29

Joanne woke up to the usual sounds of her alarm clock. Joanne rumbled for a moment in her sleep before slowly reaching out to turn the alarm off. She stood up and had one look at herself in the mirror. Beautiful, was all she could think. Her memory was suddenly refreshed with last night’s incident. This could not go on. She decided to tell Ryan how she felt once and for all. 30

She ran up to Ryan that day at school. “Hey” he said when he saw who it was. Joanne took a deep breath in and opened her mouth to tell him. Samantha suddenly appeared behind Ryan. Joanne closed her mouth not knowing whether she was relieved she didn’t have to tell him or angry that she couldn’t tell him. “I need to talk to you” Samantha said to Ryan with a bitter voice.31

Ryan followed Samantha to a small bush. From Joanne’s point of view, it didn’t look good. Each word that Samantha had spoken, Ryan’s face fell, and even though it was not visible, so was his heart. Minutes later, Samantha walked across the road. Ryan went to follow but he did not make it. A large semi-trailer had come speeding down the street. Ryan had not seen or heard it coming. Joanne was standing in shock. She was rooted to the ground, she could not move an inch after what she had just witness. She fell to the ground and broke down in to tears. 32

A few days later, Lily slowly walked up to Joanne sitting on the floor bawling her eyes out. ‘Jo’ she said softly with tears beginning to fall down here eyes. Ryan’s parents found this. She held up a small envelope that had ‘Joanne’ scribbled untidily over it. With all the energy Joanne could muster, she reached out her trembling hand and grabbed the envelope and read;33

Dear Joanne34

Joanne, I am crazy about you I can't stop thinking about you. You're the best friend I've ever had and when I'm not with you, it's like I don't even exist. You mean everything to me and when I'm around you I feel like I could do anything. I've been so blind and so stupid. For years I've been dating different girls just looking to find the one who's special and I've been looking at her the whole time. I'm in love with you and I think I always will be.35

Ryan36

Joanne could not believe what she had just read. She sat there with tears so big and so warm rolling down her what used to be beautiful face. She never wanted to speak or smile again.37

Author notes

cliche contest- option 1

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • SCREAMxTOxxBExHEARD
    June 10
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    Aww this was cute.


  • Dassy
    May 23
    Edit | Reply
    =) *eyes glitter* That was very sweet. Great great job!


  • Carina.J.LR
    May 14

    Edit | Reply
    AWW...sooo sad and cute.. thanks for entering and goodluck!

    -Carina


  • Para Turkey gold member
    April 27

    Edit | Reply

    OMG..............

    I loved that story I have read lots of love storys and that one is in the top 10 I love it , it was great but i wish they got together but its lyk romeo and juliete and i love that story good job!!

  • eelyah21
    April 15

    Edit | Reply

    awwww....

    Man, that was a bit sad.. I would say i think it's cliche, if i thought that... which i don't LOL. The whole falling in love with your best friend is a favourite "topic" of mine. It was simply written, but i think for your age this is amazing (you are already oodles better than me) Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!


  • Tiger-Lily
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    Cute entry, and definitely a good write. HOWEVER...

    Forgive me for being blunt but it was pretty much THE cliche. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it that would have relived the original FF-love cliche factor, ya know? It's sad about Ryan and all ut death isn't such a major plot device any more.

    Thank you for entering adn for following the rules. XD

    - HT


  • Atticus Unanimous
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    This isn't what isusually up my alley. Just this genre. When done well, I can enjoy these kinds of stories. This, while going in the right direction, was full of cliches, so much so that by the third paragraph I already knew he was going to have his heart broken, he was going to die, and she wasn't going to announce love. You've got nice language but you use of inconsistent single-plane dialogue, single quotes, and typos counteracts the imagery. It definitely needs some editing.

  • Aria
    February 22
    Edit | Reply
    Best of all your stories. Captivating, and moving!

  • Aria
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    Hey there, citcat! It's me, again! I couldnt resist checking out your other stories. I really like the part about the heart in a blender. I also love how you painted the image of Joanne as a rich, more sophisticated girl without using any of those words. Just the hair dryer bit and the annoyance underneath her politeness gave me that vivid image. And now for my comments, as always.

    Paragraph 17: I think you can eliminate the second "lips".

    P 18: Nice similies. "as red as blood... as wet as the ocean."

    OH. MY. GOD. I just read the end. HOW SAAAAAD!!! That was a heartbreaking story. I gasped out loud when Ryan got hit by the trailer. The letter made me cry. AAAAH!!! Why did you have to kill him off! Why couldn't he just go into a coma or something?!?! Well, obviously, this is a moving story that truly brings a reaction from your reader. Amazing, amazing job. Wonderful ending. Sooo sad!!!!! *sniff*


  • ProjectPromises
    February 22

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    WOW This story is so sad,I love the end line

    She never wanted to speak or smile again.

    That is a great Sad way to end the story

    And i love when Joanne is talking to Ryan on the phone and ryan is talking about all the girls and you describe how the girl is feeling

    Awesome Story I love it

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Writing0Freedom
    February 14

    Edit | Reply
    This was good! It was really sad. I think some of the description could be taken out or brought up a level so it is less mundane. It was sad though- good job.


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    February 14
    Edit | Reply
    gosh thanx 4 ur entry


  • Lachrymose.
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! That story was so sad but really beautiful as well. Definitely the best story you've written so far. God, I'm almost crying. Well done.


  • SCREAMxTOxxBExHEARD
    February 7
    Edit | Reply
    That was so good. i feel really sorry for Joanne and Ryan.


  • Lois.Stone
    February 2
    Edit | Reply
    Descriptive, and believable characters. Poor Joanne though! Your story flows nicely!

    Loisxx


  • luvme728
    January 21

    Edit | Reply
    Ohhh... poor Joanne. This was good. I liked it. Good job! It was descriptive and totally fit the time of the month.


  • tonialoise
    January 17

    Edit | Reply

    ok, first let's get the dirty work out of the way;

    There's nothing wrong with it but I think there was a little too much explanation and some of this could be tightened up to flow better. Small things like "her brown coloured eyes" coloured could be removed as it's already implied. or "from the other end of the line" in p3 could be completely removed as this is also understood. They're nice sounding words, but unnecessary. Maybe it's me, but it seems like only the beginning suffer from this, after that your imagery is pretty good.

    p10 "so" needs capitalization

    p16, 24,26 it's best if you separate each into several paragraphs so we don't get confused on who's speaking when. Give each person their own paragraph.

    p17 "how her skin tingled at his touch and her lips..." there should be a comma between "touch" and "and" (if you want to know why I can point you to a good article on commas.)

    p20 "before Joanne twelve year..." s/b Joanne's

    There's a point of view change (where we're seeing Lily's thoughts instead of Joanne's) to Lily in p23 and it goes back again to Joanne later. You can either seperate these sections with a *** or something similar, or make it all from Joanne's perspective. (you did this really well in p32)

    p32 "what she had just witness." s/b witnessed and "broke down in to tears." into s/b one word.

    p29 "left all her problem til..." s/b "problems 'til"

    honestly I think I would have left off the letter at the end and left it up to the reader to figure out if he ever would have loved her or not. Or at least not made it so perfect that he said everything she thought. (but each to their own

    Now the good;

    wow, what great friends she is with Ryan to sit there and listen to him talk about his girlfriend, and to think that Samantha wasn't that bad. I could certainly feel the pain when he told her he could talk to Samantha about things he couldn't talk to her about. You captured her feelings there perfectly.

    Love how understanding her sister is and of course Kudo's for having them watch my favorite Disney movie .

    The ending was incredibly tragic but so very good. It didn't leave me hanging, and made it quite emotional.

    I hope you didn't mind me being a little harsh, I'm just here to help and you don't have to change anything if you don't want to.

    I really see a lot of potential in this work, so keep up the good work!

  • kermie4201
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    This was pretty good. Good description and good flow, but like said before, there were some mistakes, mainly with the whole speech thing. Also, the ending brings some questions and there are some contradictions in this. It has the potential to be great, dont get me wrong, it just needs some revision is all. best thing i can sugggest would be to read more stories pertaining to the same general idea as this one and take notes from them.


  • bulan
    January 11
    Edit | Reply
    Love it citcat. poor joanne


  • Xithen Reux
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    Wow honestly this was amazing~ I seriously liked it and i won't spoil this by saying 'you did this wrong' or 'this isn't right'

    So hehe anyway it was greeeaat


  • Savage
    January 11

    Edit | Reply
    Great! This was a bit obvious and kinda reminds me of this chainmail sent around MSN, but you changed it and made it more interesting. There were a few minor mistakes, mainly speeches by different people in the same paragraph.

    Good job!

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