Vampric Blood [chapter two]

The healing pace of the pond stopped completely. It had reached its limit. Even the pond couldn't heal my deeply wounded soul.
Finally, I dug up the strength to face my darkest fear. "Why did you kill him?" I asked Will. I got up from the pond and dried myself with the already-wet towel. Will sighed.
"We are a cursed race. I have mentioned this before and I could not allow you to turn that human into a vampire," Will said and shrugged it off. I glared through tear-stained eyes.
"You could have told me you were going to kill him!" I shouted, but Will just smirked.
"And have you kiss him for immortality? Not a chance," he said leisurely. Tears poured our of my eyes. Why was life so cruel to me?
"Life gave me a gift," I said, choking on the steady flow of tears, "Life gave me a gift and it was death that took that gift away." Will only stood there and nodded.
"We are a cursed race," he repeated. "No one should have to suffer what we do." Somewhere in my heart, I understood. I only wish body would understand and alow me to rest.1

As I lay in bed after drying off, I began to wonder what I was going to do. What would people at school think? Surely it wouldn't go unnoticed that Brent left with me and never came back. I couldn't erase their minds because I wasn't strong enough for everyone's memories of Brent, especially the ones that knew him well. In past lives, I hadn't been weakened by human love. Combined with the shock of losing Brent, my powers had dwindled down beyond imaginable to me, and Will had noticed also. Falling asleep, I dreamt of Brent's death again and again, like a horror movie that never ended.2

I jerked up from my restless sleep. Vampire sleep served no point if memories were not stored and thoughts put to rest. Sleep for a vampire was only a way to cope with life- we didn't really have a need for sleep other than that. My thoughts had been so strong the whole night, I had accomplished nothing through sleep. Slowly, I slid off my bed and got dressed.3

Downstairs, I made myself some toast. I spread blood from a packet over it. Its warmth reminded me of Brent and the deliciousness of his blood I had tasted only once that time at his house. Memories reawakened, I felt the tears once again slide down my cold face. "Brent..." I said through sniffles and stifled a loud sob.
"What's up?" Will asked as he waltzed into the room as if he had not a care in the world. I turned my head sharply.
"You!" I hissed. "I never want to see your face again!" I yelled at him in rage. I would have pounced then and there if I had not known I was no match for Will. Instead, I ran into my room to be alone.4

In solitude, I searched the room for something to take my mind off Will and Brent and everything that happened. My eyes wandered around the large room and flickered to the small wooden stake I had kept point down on my dresser. It had served as a memory of my powerful times when humans had tried feebly to overcome me. I slowly glided over to it, deep in though. Picking it up carefully in my hands, I once again felt the power I had felt so long ago. My memories of the events turned into premonitions of what could be. I closed my eyes carefully, thinking hard of my decisions. I snapped them open and spoke aloud. "I will avenge your death, my dearest Brent."5

I held the stake for a few more seconds while I stared at it before I finally slipped it into my jacket pocket. I stood frozen in place, not sure of what exactly I was doing. My head was screaming at me to drop the stake and run, that I would not come out alive. My heart was telling me the exact opposite as it cried out in agony over the loss of Brent. My heart screamed louder than my thoughts. My better judgment was overpowered by my burning love over Brent and I turned around and paced silently over to my dark wood stairs.6

I held my breath for what seemed like an eternity as I stood in my kitchen looking toward the room where Will was positioned away from me, reading some book in a chair. He seemed to radiate strength, still filled with Brent's powerful blood. Instinctively, I reached into my pocket to quickly pull out my weapon- the stake. Slowly, I inched toward Will as quiet as if I was walking on pillows. The floor board beneath me creaked as Will became aware of my presence.7

"Hmm?" Will hummed, "Karma? Is something wrong?" I suddenly became nervous and released my held breath, breathing heavily. "Karma what's wrong?" he asked again, this time turning to face me. I lunged before he could react. In one swift motion, he disarmed me and pinned me against the wall with a single hand. "Karma, you made a very bad decision," Will said slyly, "Prepare to die."8

Will forced both my wrists together and pinned them against a wall with one hand, clutching in the other hand the stake. I stared wide-eyed into death. "Will..." Despite my best efforts, Will gripped the stake in a sturdy grip and prepared to stab. He raised the stake up to my neck and I was left helpless as he prepared to end my existence in this world.9

I had other plans. Sensing distraction, I kicked Will so hard in his shin I could hear it crack. He yelled out in agony as he dropped the stake. Quickly, I moved to the side and left the stake that had just a moment ago prepared to kill me. But unlike I had originally planned, I misjudged the speed it was falling. I let out a high pitched shriek as it punctured my hand, burning it thoroughly. Gathering the last of my strength, I sucked up the pain and glared at Will, still holding his leg. With the stake still in my hand, I thrust it forward, deep within Will. Upon contact with the stake, Will fell lifelessly to the ground. Somewhere in my mind, I wondered why I had not died yet. Before I knew it, tears were rolling down my face. "My dear Brent, I have avenged you, so why am I not happy?" I asked. Curling miserably into a ball next to Will, I prepared to die.10

Morning light drifted through the window, illuminating the room with warm sunlight. My memories from the night before were foggy. Lifting my head to the glare of the sun, I saw the terrifying body of Will. He lay motionless, not as if he were sleeping. The stake still protruded from him awkwardly. I almost screamed at the sight, but suddenly everything flooded back to me. Panic set in, as I raised my hand to my face to inspect the wound. It had already started to heal. For some unknown reason, I had been spared of death. Hot tears welled up in my eyes and my vision blurred. A loud sob ripped through my chest, something not uncommon these days. "Why?" I asked no one in particular. "Why didn't death take me away from this horrible world? Why must I continue to suffer alone?" The tears spilled over and I didn't try to wipe them away. "Why must I always be the one to suffer?"

Author notes

THIS IS NOT ALL OF IT! Just wanted to post what I had so people could read it
Anyways, how can I make it better? It isn't edited very much, so don't criticize my grammar/spelling mistakes. Point them out but don't drag out your comment with them.
Are the characters believable?
Is it descriptive enough?
How can I make it better?

In a list

Is the plot strong?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • mastermind1
    August 14
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    ok

    Well it is sorta weak....


  • Limesparklz
    March 13

    Edit | Reply
    The grammar is good.
    You need to make it longer like mine need to be longer.
    The 5 Ws need to be worked on.
    All in all, very good.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


    • chikarita2
      March 13
      Edit | Reply
      Yea i know its short cuz its not all of it, but I'll try to type some more today or this weekend


  • ramengoddess722
    January 13
    Edit | Reply
    OMG! I remember this part!! OMG!!! wait, I'm OMG 2 much. After wards......it's too sad!!!!!! Anyway, it's good. (new discovery, saying OMG too much is contagious O.O)

    • chikarita2
      January 13
      Edit | Reply
      dun give anything away! You are privileged to be my friend in real life so you can read stuff when it comes out


  • Twiggle
    January 12
    Edit | Reply
    I'd be honored! =]
    I'll mail you in a second. ^-^

  • Twiggle
    January 10

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    I can see this story as completely amazing scenes in my head. I half want to make a movie script out of it. XD
    I'll have to see the rest before I can say much more, but so far, very solid and strong. I like. =]

    • chikarita2
      January 10
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks! Would you like to help me (via chat or mail) write a script for it?
      I've been thinking about it for a while, but I'm no good at that sort of thing.
      I can only write the story or act the scene. It's either All my way or not my way.

1 - 8 of 8