Conversation with Satan

ME: Hey, Blue eyes, how’s it going?1

Satan: Ah, you know the same sheite every day.2

ME: Aw … cheer up … just think you’ll soon have two related by blood presidents to cook.3

Satan: Hell, they’ve been working for me for years … it won’t be any fun having them down here. They’ll both probably try to take the place over.4

ME: Aw-w … come on, the job isn’t that hard is it?5

Satan: Well, lately it has been harder and harder to be heard. All those light workers out there. Fewer and fewer people are listening to the demons these days.6

ME: Well, Scratch, you know there is a transition coming soon. What, three years now?7

Satan: Yeah and I’m loosing troops left and right.8

ME: sorry …9

Satan: (angry) No you’re not! You’re having way too much fun with this!10

ME: Hey … I heard a rumor and I want to come to the guy in charge to find out if it’s true.11

Satan: What rumor?12

ME: That you’re thinking of retiring.13

Satan: (hissing in anger) someone is going to fry for not keeping their mouth shut.14

ME: Come on now, you’d never fry Lilith … besides you know how sore a looser she is when she’s playing chess with Shiva.15

Satan: Lilith was it? … Aw-w-w … who cares if the world knows. It’s true. I’ve had enough of watching you little worms squirm on a stick. I’m going back to the boss and relax for a while.16

ME: Sounds good to me, but … don’t we need someone in your position still?17

Satan: Yeah, even with the transition, there’s still going to be a need for someone to monitor the demons. I’m just tired of frying their arses to get any work done.18

ME: They’re all reluctant troops? I thought a good bunch of them chose freely to do the job?19

Satan: Actually all of us chose freely but the rank and file are getting lazy. People create enough of their own evil, what with being born greedy and all. We’ve had less and less to do with more and more of the troops being bored; probably why so many of them are changing sides even now.20

ME: Well, they aren’t coming through me all that much.21

Satan: Wait until 2010. You won’t have time for a life you’ll be processing demons morning, noon and night.22

ME: Well, I bet the boss is going to be happy to have you back in the executive suite, permanently.23

Satan: He seems a bit lonely what with the Son so busy with the atonement. We used to have some fun with creating things … like the platypus. (chuckles)24

ME: and turtles?25

Satan: of course my personal favorite was fleas. I thought they were just hilarious.26

ME: yeah … and it took about 1500 years but you gave an entire industry something to do.27

Satan: What? What do you mean?28

ME: What would dog groomers do without fleas to kill?29

Satan: (cracking up laughing) That was a good one!30

(pause)31

Satan: By the way, what are you doing on this side of the fence, anyway?32

ME: I had a delivery to make to the pit. One of your guys was getting way to rowdy and I had to chase him out of a little girl. Sucker decided if he couldn’t have her he was going to try me … shook him off like a dog sheds water.33

Satan: What rank and level?34

ME: A lieutenant. I think he was a level 4 though. Nasty looking little sucker.35

Satan: Yeah, it’s the officers I have the most trouble with. The middle management has always bucked the system. Now with the rumor, they’re getting even more heavy handed.36

ME: Like in the “Ghost Rider” movie?37

Satan: more like in the “Constantine” movie.38

ME: having more trouble with the kids than usual?39

Satan: Just some of them. Nephilim have always been a problem.40

ME: (looks at watch) Well, chief, I gotta split. I have to wake up for my job in about two hours. These trips always cost me a night’s sleep.41

Satan: (very sarcastically) Aw-w gee, I thought we could bake cookies together.42

ME: Smartass! Ruler of the world with a sense of humor!43

Satan: Yeah for now, but at least this whole experiment mess will be over soon.44

ME: Amen to that, brother.45

Satan: I’ll see you in the boss’s office some day.46

Me: Yeah, take care.47