Tony and Jack

1

Tony and Jack ran off to the beach. "Mom! Hurry!" shouted Tony. Jack barked two times. "I am coming Tony!" Jack ran to Jack. "Okay, you can go play now," said mom. Tony and Jack ran to the sand. "Look Jack I made you a sand castle!" Jack barked again. But then Jack ran off! "Jack! Jack!" shouted Tony. "Mommy, Jack ran off!" "Oh no," Mom said. Tony started crying. But Jack came back! Tony hugged Jack and Jack licked his face. "Come on! It's time to go home!" shouted Mom. Jack and Tony ran home together. 2

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  • flowerbee1234
    January 17
    Edit | Reply
    Jack came to Jack? I found it rather short, but if it was turned into a book and you added illustrations, I could see a kid read this. I'm guessing Jack is a dog because he licked Tony's face. A little more description of the dog would have been better, like what color he was and everything. Good job on this, and great luck in the contest!


  • Shah Z
    January 9

    Edit | Reply
    Nice start, I am yet to see here you carry this off to something but it's incomplete the way it's now also jack ran to jack?

    cheers, shah


  • Reaver Greeters member
    January 9
    Edit | Reply
    Jack ran to Jack'...repeated Jack?

    Should break up into paragraphs.

    This seemed more like an outline for a bigger story. For a childrens story, you would need to identify that they were 'dogs?'...I only guessed because you chose 'barked'.

    Good write. Good luck in the contest.
    Rian, Greeter.