Jesse was sitting at her usual lunch table when, once again, a popular girl came up to her, "What's up Jesse." Jesse didn't answer, she just stared down at her trey. "What? We can't be friends?"1
"You know perfectly well I hate you."2
"Why is that?"3
"Why do you think?" Her voice rose to a yell, "You're always picking on me and I can't take it anymore!!" She pushed her tray away, then ran to the bathroom. A teacher saw all the commotion and ran after Jesse.4
"Jesse, what's a-matter?"5
"You know perfectly well, everyday I come into your room after school and tell you that I get harassed. You know perfectly well I hate this school and I don't want to be here anymore."6
"I'm sorry Jesse."7
"No you're not, if you were sorry you would have put a stop to this a long time ago!!"8
"Jesse, what are you trying to say?"9
"I'm saying I can't take it anymore, I'm saying I'm tired of it all. I'm sick of coming here and not being able to do anything about everyone because violence is not acceptable."10
"I'm sorry you feel this way, I really am."11
Jesse pulled a pistol out of her bag, "It's over." She screamed as she pointed the gun to her head and pulled the trigger. The teacher screamed and tried to stop her but it was to late. Jesse was dead and it was all because of that popular girl that made fun of her.12
Author notes
I hope anyone who ever has made fun of, or makes it a regular thing to make fun of somebody reads this. It's not always fun and games. Be a civil person to everyone and treat others like they should be treated. THIS IS A TRUE STORY.... to a degree, please I'm begging you, DON'T MAKE FUN OF ANYONE!!!!!!!!
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
needs work.
okay. here we go. perhaps this'll be a little bit better help:
this just occured to me. i think one reason this piece failed so miserably in my view was because you didn't make me FEEL for your characters. they're all one dimensional, barely given anything, if any more than things to say, outside of their names - 'Jesse,' 'popular girl,' 'teacher' (which, i don't even know if your teacher is male or female) - they're not like PEOPLE i'm meeting, full, tangible flesh and bone and personality, i don't feel like i could sit down and have coffee with them and chat about tim burton movies, or maybe green day in the case of the popular girl. and, also, the teacher character - being such, who in theory has had some experience consoling troubled or blues-y kids, wouldn't he/she have something a little more helpful to offer than constant pitiful 'i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm really sorry jesse, i really am'?
oh, and -
"Jesse was dead and it was all because of that popular girl that made fun of her."
- this is an excellent way to respect the memory of those who have actually taken themselves because they felt so unfathomably alone and unappreciated. bonus points for that one.
... this is just a brief little dilly though, if you want a full-on review and have no shame i would suggest sharepoetry. i have found that they can be about as tactless and blunt as i am here, but they are fair, which i am trying to be.
and, once again i'm sorry, but are you really 18 or are you just saying that so you can have access to the adult stuff? b/c this is the kind of stuff I wrote when i was around 12, 13 and heavily medicated. keep writing, you need the practice.
Edited on Aug 12, 6:38 p.m. because ''. -
lol. boyfriends name is jesse
and ... um ... holy fucking shit
that's all i have to say about this. it teaches people nothing. it only seems to exist for shock value. i'm sorry to be so blunt, but this SERIOUSLY offended me, and that is a difficult thing to do. *I* used to be the 'weird kid' back in sixth grade, and *I* thought on so many occasions about taking my own life. however i didn't, and i believe, despite all my new set of problems, i am a much stronger person because of it. and i certainly never posted something so mindless on the internet just to get people to pay attention to something they're already well aware of, thanks to such tragic events as columbine and the numerous like since then covered all over the news and burned into everyones consciousness already - which you are possibly Perpetuating with things like this (someone - did this occur to you - could be in a similar situation, equally lost, and this could very well be the final straw breaking in their mind and they go to the toolshed and grab Dad's biggest hunting rifle), not to mention just plain annoying people who would rather not hear more pointless garbage about it. ... and you were so lazy with this - where is your description of the teacher, the popular kid, the main character, what is the setting, what is she teased FOR - for STARTERS?? focusing just on that, none of the characters seem real, they just seem like things you threw onto the page to make your flat, one-dimensional main character meet her lazily conceived end. ... i really hate giving mean reviews like this, and i apologize and sincerely hope you are not actually suicidal. i will be sure to comment on another piece of yours more diplomatically, but jesus, this one was like the gory brain chunks the janitor had to mop off the bathroom tiles later.
... i am only so harsh b/c i feel like by 18, you should bloody friggin' know better. if you still believe in this piece, PLEASE consider redoing it. Seriously.
Edited on Aug 12, 5:45 p.m. because ''. -
Yeah, I get picked on in school (well not anymore 'cause it's summer vacations) People call me a "freak" I never have the heart to tell my friends about it. I hope I don't kill myself because of it.
I like this story...somehow I can really relate to this. -
well i didn't kill myself, i wrote this story to teach people to treat other people civily, and not make fun of someone, b/c obviously you don't get made fun of, cause it's hard to put up with and if you knew what i go through every damn day you would see why i get so depressed. So don't try and act like you know what's goin on in my life cause you don't know shit about me and you should shut the fuck up if you've never been made fun of
-
Just because somebody makes fun of you is no fucking reason to kill yourself take it from personal experience being made fun of is not the end of the world and if you would kill yourself over it then thats pathetic and really sad. Not trying to be a bitch but come on if this is why people are killing themselves then its no wonder our generation is going to shit.
-
wow awesoem little story there its great
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
