He was sweating under his helmet. 1
The small tear drops of pungent fluids being excreted from his skin, sliding down beside his nose, caused him to twitch. He looked over slowly at the other riders lined up beside him, all dressed brightly, representing their birds. They didn’t return his gaze, each and every one of them concentrating on the traffic light in front, a scarlet red circle beaming at them. 2
He touched his ear piece, nervously.3
“You there Leira?” he spoke,4
“Yeah, I’m here.” The voice replied. He was satisfied. “Just concentrate okay? You can do this Juan, we live in this town, you know every corner and we’ve been over the track millions of times-“5
“I’m not worried about that” he said stiffly, “I dunno about Sky, she’s never raced with so many birds before…” 6
There was silence on the intercom for a moment, while Leira thought. He knew they were both thinking the same thing. He gripped the handles of his motorbike hard and lowered his head, shutting his eyes. 7
“Don’t fail me darling, please don’t lose. Please.” He whispered. 8
“She will do fine” Leira said, her voice softer in the ear piece, “There’s not much a macaw like that can’t do.”9
“I hope your right.”10
Author notes
okay so this is a little story i have going in my head 
ill explain a bit about the racing,
the races span from one end of a town or city to another, and on the ground there is a specific track each rider has to follow, sort of like lanes on a sprinting field. However it is okay to cross them, as long as you get back to your lane before you pass an electric gate. The gates are at even intervals throughout each race and have an electric current flowing through them 
in order to switch the current off and pass, each riders bird must race above the city and fly through certain hoops to disable the electric barrier to let their rider through. In other words, if your bird is losing, you will lose.
Juan has a Hyacinth macaw named Sky
http://shutterhappy.ari4u.com/blog/pixie/birdie/mcw007.jpg
Leria is his little sis
thanks for reading
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Confusing
Hi Silversword---It seems to me, when someone writes a story of two hundred words it shouldn’t be necessary for them to have to write an explanation of one hundred and forty.
I couldn’t find too much wrong from a technical aspect, but the prose is rather pointless when it fail to deliver the message.
I don’t know what your intent is with this piece, but I don’t think your writing is holding you back. It seems to me if you had something interesting to say you would be all right.
Talk to you soon---ablelaz.
beginning: 1, language: 3, plot: 1, ending: 1, dialog: 1, characters: 1.
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thanks for the read and the comment, i laughed at the first part, and somewhat agree
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Ooh, I like the idea! A partner-race! It would be cooler if you could work the details in the notes into the story itself, eventually. I'd love to read more of it. It has a great sense of excitement in the little bit you've put up so far.
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thanks so much, i really appreciate it
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Nyaaa~ I loved it~ Can't wait to read more
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Nyaaa~ your too kind
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