Tiger, Tiger1
Orange shadows yellow jade2
sharp wood smoke paints the scent3
Sounds of sleep rise and then fade4
inure secure within this tent5
I slip silently away6
past the nodding guard of clay7
through tall grasses a-sway8
I slip silently away.9
The warm night air caresses my hair10
and flutters without care the fabric I wear.11
I wince and glare and glance, my feet are bare,12
I stop and shrug and swear and look, out there…13
I skirt the jumble of bramble discrete14
then freeze to a halt as moonlight displays15
the form of that fear I came here to meet.16
He saw me long before I, he: he plays…17
I stand perfectly still not even a breath;18
he circles and crouches, my coming death,19
I cannot run, if I could, if I should…20
Panic rises in my chest, if I should.21
He is upon me between breath and breath22
I am borne down, my coming death23
I smell and feel his teeth in my neck24
hot wet fluid on my neck25
I push up and away with arms too weak26
Too strong, too strong, so wrong27
I feel sharp pain below, I am torn28
I feel a mortal snap of bone29
so alone, so all alone…30
In my last instant, I agree to die31
I do not sigh, I do not cry.32
I will return to the sand, the soil, the sky33
I give myself, my being; I die.34
Author notes
Perhaps another meaning...?
Thoughts?
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Very fluidic...
...as the words trickle like a small stream of water. Great language chosen to convey the emotion as well as the imagery. Especially with lines like, "The warm night air caresses my hair". I really enjoyed this piece.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I tend to be rather picky about poetry, but I really enjoyed this piece. Only suggestion I have to make is a propos line 8: it would flow a bit better if there were just one more syllable in there; perhaps "through tall grasses **all** a-sway"? Just what came to mind for me, but at any rate, reword as you see fit, if at all =)
The reference to Blake's poem in the title made me smile. You are writing in your own style and not an imitation of his, but I think you captured a very similar sentiment, which is entirely a good thing. All in all, a very well-written poem - thank you for sharing it with everyone. I am glad I had a chance to read it.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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beautiful. I have to restrain my self from the topic of tigers, or all animals actually. Evolution has become a sore spot for me. The poem was beautiful, and I love that tigers were one of the main focus points; the other I thought could be man.
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Last night I was watching Planet Earth with a friend of mine and it was about the future of animals and they talked about all the animals on the verge of dying out. Tigers being one of them. Not all was bad news though, scientists are taking DNA from the big cats and freezing them so in 50 years when maybe they're gone the scientists can help to repopulate them.
For my 13th birthday my grandparents and aunt took me to this animal exhibit in miami and I got to hold and feed a baby tiger, it was a rare kind, more so than a white one. It's fur was white with a soft hue of gold. It had the softest paws too.
beautiful descriptions in this piece. I loved the line: "Orange shadows yellow jade" fantastic image of the tiger. I love when writers describe something by just using aspects of it. it gives the piece a sort of mystery. also, the ending is fantastic. I loved the sense of death in this piece and how each time it was mentioned it became heavier and though the situation is frightening the realization of death being upon you was no longer scary.
thank you for the read.
I hope you're making a healthy recovery!
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I Love it! Brovo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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thats realli good
it was beautliful
welll done! -
Good Poem John...
I'm just not sure I like what lies behind what I'm reading. May I offer these lines of my own?
And I am as young as...never.
Yet to max and minimize,
Transform and metamorphosize,
And if I must, join clouds and dust
(Awaiting ultraviolet soul)
Or, hell!
Just start my own black hole!
Best from another old broadcaster,
GA
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I'll just say firstly, I thought the ending was beautifully written and very well described. I could picture every line in my head. I loved it
I really like that sentence: "Orange shadows yellow jade" though I'm not 100% on what it means, but when I think about your poem, it's one of the things that stands out. I'm guessing it's the description of the tiger creeping about the camp, maybe?
There were a few lines that I had to go back and read but I'm going to blame that on tiredness and stupidity, not on your talented writing
You've made your poem flow well all in all and I've read it like 3 times now, just because I like it that much
Great work! Keep it coming
x
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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I'm agreeing with Chikarita2 on her comment, though it's not too uncommon for people to use the same word when trying to rhyme. Sometimes, it keeps up the flow. I don't know what kind of flow you were going for, but the random short lines kinda hinder it a bit.
As for the "Orange shadows yellow jade", I'm assuming that's describing the orange and stripes, then the yellowed eyes, am I right? That's what I got out of it.
It was fairly beautiful and I enjoyed it overall. A great 'circle of life' thing goin'. Hur. Keep up the good work, and if this is your style and what your heart speaks, then don't mind the criticism. Thanks for the art.
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5.
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OUTSTANDING!
This brought tears to my eyes. What led me to read this was the title Tiger, Tiger because it reminded me of William Blake's The Tyger.
Thank you.
Anaya Roma
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Beautiful and very well written =)
I Thought it was very descriptive and a wonderful poem -
I like it! It was a good poem. It must have been really hard. Anyways, some things. You did well at rhyming. keep that. change some of the wordings, though. "neck" and "neck" do not rhyme. they should be similar but not the same. also, some of them are long while other lines are quite short. you should make them the same length so it flows better.
"Orange shadows yellow jade" doesn't make sense to me. maybe if it was "Orange shadows a yellow jade" with the word A in between the phrases.
Also, some rhyme twice per line, others only once.
many things are good about your poem, but there are other people to tell you them
anyways keep writing
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This was very well written. I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing!!!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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I Like This.
Very well written and so refrshing not to see a poem about teenage angst or feeling depressed.
It is well written,to the point and very discriptive.
All in all, excellent.
beginning: 4, language: 5, ending: 5.
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The language in your poem is quite evocative and the imagery quite well done. I have a couple of suggestions about the structure of the poem: if rhyme and meter are important features of the poem then the lines need to scan well; if you are more interested in using rich language then perhaps blank verse(like Shakespeare)would be better. I confess I found the uneven rhymes and lines distracting.
I noticed your opening line and wondered if you were familiar with William Blake's poem of the same name? He might be a good poet to draw inspiration from.
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hard to believe this is a person reacting this way.. I can see it as someone lookind down on themselves from an imaginary place... but the pain would be very real and intense if the person was in fact in their body.. If the whole scene is surreal, like a dream, what makes it this way? Why is it like this? Is it a dream?
Some of the rhymes were good, but mostly a little overdone. The reader doesn't need rhyme on top of rhym to stay interested and get the message of the story. Maybe focus more on you wonderful flow, and rhytm than on too many words rhyming or not.
Nice job, I would love to read more!
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Whoa, yes, can be interpreted on many levels. Funnily enough, it's relatable to me right now. I love the flow of this. THen again, I can't rhyme to save my life, so I'm probably not the best judge. ^^
Great work.
- HT
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Awww John! I can interpret this many ways, don't give up hope! You will get better soon, and with this it proves that also your muse will get better.
I say this proves it because this was fabolous. I really like the way you told this and used double words and such. Very creative and more emotional. Gives you a sense of the panic this character feels as he is torn down.
Really creative. I am glad to see you post again, and what a lovely start to re-posting this was. Even if it did seem filled with hidden messages.
Great job (:
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This was beautiful. I love your soft, airy and sensual use of language, the descriptions in the beginning were gorgeous ^^ especially "Orange shadows yellow jade, sharp wood smoke paints the scent." The interaction between the man and the tiger is wonderfully told, like a warrior fleeing from a dragon in some old Shakespearean fairy tale. A very enjoyable write, bravo!
~ Ink
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Ooh, I'm the first one to comment?
Needless to say, I REALLY like the 'storytale' method you used with this poem. The way you put the words together and made the structure play off of itself was REALLY well done.
I like the way you let the poem take a few different meanings. Obviously, it can be about a tiger, but it can be about other things as well. It might just be me, but it seems like it could also make reference to an enemy that had attacked and killed 'you.'
This is a great poem. You really outdid yourself with this.
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