Liberty

Champions of LIBERTY, take heed and lift your heads; behold the bronze statue of the State, leering over us with its hands, curled and gnarled, reaching out OUT OUT to choke the very life from you! And so shall our children share in this very same fate, lest the rusting gauntlet of repression be cast aside, NAY! severed from its host. Distractions They have mass produced; distractions They have sold to us, pre-packaged and user friendly, have made Man a slave to ORDER. Lies, apathy, numb amorality, and ignorance, processed and gift-wrapped, are the poison of our human conscience. We gladly consume it all, every minute of every day, on every channel, in every paper. We feast on the bounty, the pomegranate seeds of our times, that They set out for us on the doorstep, merely to fatten us up, to later devour us whole. Such is the nature of LAW and the chains of Control that tie us down to menial toilings and self-loathing.
Loathing of one another.
Hubris and vanity have become the only virtues of our shrinking World. CHAOS sees Man as an artist. A creator and lover of freedom. It is LAW, SYSTEM, and ORDER that preach beauty and subordination as the path to success. No longer is any importance placed on the value of one's character or the imagination and innovation he can bestow upon his fellow man. Their hold runs Deeper as the masses grow more Shallow.
We have fallen under the shadow of a monstrous beast, which has blocked out the sun and made us its slaves. Reaping the rewards of our labor and killing the instincts born in Man.
Freedom.
Survival.
All has been meticulously replaced, right under our nose.
Vicious Materialism.
Stubborn Nescience!
We shall never be let from these shackles, 'til the Chaotic Nature of Man wakes from his complacency... dormancy... captivity... to face his nefarious Oppressor!
The Consuming Tyrant! Let him fall upon the blade of Enlightenment!
and Burn his body on the pyre of Knowledge!
and Cast his ashes to the Accord of Humanity!
Then, and only Then, will there be Liberty.

Author notes

LIBERTY!

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Mag the Chodja gold member
    May 4, 2009

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    Wuh-how. Noice. Viva la restistánce!

    I totally understood it all, though I'll have to suggest breaking it down into paragraphs for readability. Punctuation is your friend, also. At some points, commas would have been lovely.

    As for the message and the nature of the rant - w00t! Sadly, materialism will always be a part of humanity. It has been since the dawn of intelligence, and it will be until we've evolved beyond physicality. It's a shame and it's injustice with its own television show.

    Loved how you worded it, though. Well-spoken - reminded me of a revolutionary back in the days of early America. Entertaining, loud, hard to ignore.

    I'd have to agree with Kylia a bit, though. Not too much substance. In the feat of intelligent wordage, it lacks specifics and details. You kinda dance around the topic a bit, working the crowd without really touching base. It leaves it a bit vague and would only be understood by those who have previous knowledge or conjoining virtues and beliefs of both the language used and the topics stated.

    Still a great read, in my eyes, and I would totally be pumped up and ready to shiv some rich bloaks with a sharpened hair brush if I were to pass you on your soapbox in the streets.

    Thanks a bunch for entering my contest, and good luck!


  • Kylia Skydancer Moderators member
    April 29, 2009
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    Hmm... would probably like this better if I could make sense of it.

    From the title, I'm guessing it's about liberty but the content seems to have nothing to do with that...or anything really.

    It really does seem like rhetoric for the sake of rhetoric.

    just my opinion though.


    • beerstorecowboy
      April 29, 2009

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      Thanks, I really appreciate your honest critique! It's very refreshing. Though I don't understand how you fail to see the meaning of the piece as it is about nothing BUT liberty and specifically advocating a war against the powers of the state and the materialism they force-feed us. I am encouraging the reader to fight against their oppression, both internally and externally. I feel it is rather straight-forward, despite being stylized in its wording. I'd be happy to break it down for you in more detail if there is any specific part of it you find confusing or just rhetorical.


      • Kylia Skydancer Moderators member
        April 30, 2009

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        Alright.

        Well, to tell you the truth, the whole thing reminded me a bit of a preacher proselytizing.It

        It had lots of force but not a lot of substance necessarily. If I had to look at it and tell you what it was about, I'd say it wwas about:

        Liberty
        Distractions
        Disvirtue

        and I kinda lost hold of any one topic in the last bit.

        You seem to be trying to take a few different threads and bind them together but the result ends up as..a lot of emotion but not a lot of substantial logic. *Why* do these things you've put together belong together? And why haven't they been fleshed out?

        I can tell you're passionate about your subject though. The emotion you felt as you wrote this really shines through. But if you slowed it down a bit and fleshed it out, maybe tried to help your audience connect to it a bit more, you could get other eople fired up about what you're saying too.

        Now here's what I learned from my rhetoric class.

        One of the tricks to good rhetoric is to engage your audience on many different levels. You have to engage your audience on an emotional level; put them in the same headspace as you. One of the best ways to do that is with a personal story. Something the reader can look at and say, "yeah, I've seen that happen," or "Yeah, I've felt like that before."

        The next thing that needs to be in there is your logic. Cause and effect. It doesn't have to be scientist grade; in fact it's better when it's not. it has to just be the way our minds work. Somethng that'll make us go, "Yeah, that makes sense."


        That's really simplified but as long as you have those two things, your article will have the power to affect people. And the better you do those things, the better it will affect them.

        I think I'm about done talking now. But I'll leave you with this last bit. nstead of trying to cover and bring together what seems like five topics at once, hold onto one of your examples, one of your points, and expand on it. Make it impossible for us to fault your logic. Your article will be a lot more powerful if it covers less with more depth rather than more with less.

        And please, if I've said anything to offend or been too harsh, do forgive me. It was not my intention.


        • beerstorecowboy
          May 4, 2009
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          This is the most valuable comment I've ever received on storywrite! Thanks again!


  • SoundInkMusic
    March 3, 2009

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    A very fitting L-word indeed, and a rousing battle cry to go with it.

    I've yet to hear this sentiment better voiced. Cheers - my hat is off to you yet again.


  • poetry is soul
    February 25, 2009

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    what i love most about this is your use of capitalization and emphasis on words. I loved it! it really helped explain this whole thing. Liberty, yes, liberty is a great thing to carry. good job.


  • Renevelant.Feather
    January 30, 2009

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    Very inspirational indeed and quite the excerpt. Life, liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. Such a wonderous passage this is. This is a very powerful piece.

    I congratulate you on this. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Neomaxizoondweebie
    January 23, 2009
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    This is an inspirational piece, one that makes you think about the surrounding world.

    "Freedom.
    Survival.
    All has been meticulously replaced, right under our nose."

    AMEN! I truly enjoyed this. Your vocabulary was terrific, and the way you presented this piece was like a motivational speaker. It's unique, and it provokes emotion and thought in the reader. Terrific job!


  • Lonesome Dove
    January 12, 2009

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    Excellent write. You have poured your heart and soul into this piece and it shows. Very powerful and thought provoking. Exactly what you want. Good Luck in the contest.


  • Matt Coggan
    January 9, 2009

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    Mate, that was really powerful stuff, kind of like Chomsky when he was fresh faced and less pessimistic that his ideals would ever come to fruitition. Sadly the production line created by one Henry Ford has taken over all aspects of our life, and we now have mass produced conscious (or lack there of) mass produced interests (distractions) mass produced news (to keep us in a state of perpetual fear thus averting our collective gaze from the real culprits and terrorists - our Western leaders)

    Zionist programming that wishes to supress the unique and promote the antidiluvian morals of an ideolised society that no longer exists if it ever did.

    Question everything my friend, question everything, if nothing else it pisses people off and this is an important function of the individual

    Keep up the good work!


  • sanctuaryWHiTE
    January 8, 2009
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    Wow... all I can say is wow... -flabbergast-


  • KeepDriving
    January 7, 2009

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    Thank you for entering the contest! This is SUCH a wonderfully written piece that uses a lot of description. Very well done! I've added you to the finalists list. My favorite so far! Good luck in the contest!

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